Life is like a box of chocolates...

It's destroyed remarkably fast by an emotional woman.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My ex made my life like a fairy tale.

Grimm.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Son: There's a life-sized "Leg lamp" at the light display! It's like 4 feet tall!

Me: No, it's only one foot.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thirteen_20
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I felt like a hero when I donated that kindey to save a kid's life

Figured the collection was getting a bit too big so why not

credit to the r/TwoSentenceHorror subreddit

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ImRoderick1303
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My sister said I looked like a German composer and musician of the Baroque period, especially when wearing my powdered wig... So I changed everything and it changed my life!

I haven't looked Bach since!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
So, you do understand how constantly treating life like an improv class is unhealthy right?

Yes, and?

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crownamedcheryl
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
It was a long time ago, a different time, when Bach wrote his music. I wonder what life was like Bach then 🎹
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Free-Author
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Even though my baby poops a lot, I feel like the life lessons he’s been teaching me are invaluable.

He’s a great tooter.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fkedifiknow
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
The good news is that you're going to live the rest of your life like a billionaire.

The bad news is .... it's Howard Hughes.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Life is like a dick

Sometimes it gets hard for no reason

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Would you like to be the sun in my life?

DAD: Would you like to be the sun in my life?

MOM: Awww... Yes!!!

DAD: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sajid786farz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Life is like a box of chocolates...

It sucks for people with diabetes.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zachp787
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I said "kansas" like "kansaw" like you know, how "arkansas" is pronounced, and once my bf told me the truth, i spent my life seeing who would correct me and it wasnt suprising.

I was told a long time ago your true friends will be honest with you, especially if it's not something that will hurt your feelings really bad.

So this life long joke of "kansaw" was only ever corrected by boyfriends, best friends, and family. Others were people thinking i meant "warsaw" in which i frantically said oh no no no!

I made a point to be say this one main line like "omg can a tornado in kansaw just suck me out of this"

"Maybe i should move to Kansaw where its just wind and tornadoe shelters"

I tried to make it come up organically as possible though.

But the other times where people said nothing, some of these people good friends, now have a joke behind my back but i had it behind their backs first....

Life is fun

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ashhtreeee
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my bi friend what their bed life is like

They said it was a bit of give and take

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pr0phet_N3xus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Life is like a game of cards

Mine is very solitaire-y

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jayforder
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I bet earth likes to make fun of other planets for having no life..
πŸ‘︎ 139
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/feynmanisdope
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
If TV sitcoms were like real life, ratings would go down.

Because everyone would be at their worst half of the time, every episode would be β€œvery special” and little, if anything, would end happily for the protagonists.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cindybubbles
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Jokes don't have to be original right? Cause I've only made up two jokes in my life. The rest are from things like this subreddit. XD
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SilverWaters793
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
But seriously what would life have been like without furniture?

There wouldn't be a chair in the World.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gubafett
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I feel like I really can’t tell what’s gonna happen next year. Movies, politics, my personal life. I can’t predict anything

It’s like I don’t have 2020 vision

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cttaylor97
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Real life is like minecraft

Don't waste your diamonds on a hoe

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/me-no-smart
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife turned to me and said, all life is like hope. It's precious, a gift. It flourishes in the desert, in the snow, even in the Marianas Trench, 10,000 meters below the waves. Life and hope exist where we least expect it, yet it is so fragile it can be destroyed in a moment.

I said, "That's deep"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VerySmallEel
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Being good at calculus in your later life is like...

...the after-math

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pungunner98
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Life is like Congress

You go to work everyday and never really get anything done

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Life is like a box of chocolates

It doesn’t last as long if you’re fat

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CdotBigz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Life is like an elevator...

it has its ups and downs, but most of the time you just get the shaft.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justcrazytalk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I feel like I had a good one in real life yesterday...

Mom: Why don't you use the trowel?

Me: Let's just call a spade a spade.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FerralWombat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2017
🚨︎ report
Do you recall that film that was kinda like A Bug's Life and came out at the same sort of time as A Bug's Life but wasn't nearly as good as A Bug's Life?

Well you should, it's Remember Antz Day

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wigglesface
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2018
🚨︎ report
At the height of my lunacy, I would dig in my lawn like my life depended on it.

It's all well now.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_Veni
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Forest Gump says that life is like a box of chocolates

but, it's actually a cereal.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ralph3576
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2018
🚨︎ report
I'd really like to get a whole new lease on life, but the intrest rate is just too steep now-a-days...
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Weed_Whacker22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Life is like sine curve , ups and down

Ohh! Sorry I mean "sin" curve

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/himanshu207
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2017
🚨︎ report
Life is like a box of boogers.

You never know which one you’re gonna pick.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jabomb291
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2018
🚨︎ report
Can't believe someone would just throw away their life like that... imgur.com/hQt9Vgw
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AceFitz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2014
🚨︎ report
Life is like a box of...feelings. imgur.com/5aPUG5A
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stickydatepudding
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2014
🚨︎ report
You know.. my legs may be getting older. Knee's aren't doing as well as I'd like. But I have to hand it to them, they've supported me almost my entire life.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SandJA1
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2016
🚨︎ report
My Dad raised me well: I've been making jokes like this all my life.

Today

My wife: My arm hurts from a shot today.

Me: Oh yeah what for?

My Wife: B12, my levels were low.

Me: What is it now, B14 or B15?

My Wife: shakes head

Me: Maybe B20 or 30?

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/katarr
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2013
🚨︎ report
I hate it when people ask me what my life will be like in a year

It's not like I have 2020 vision

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alec935
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
🚨︎ report
Life is like a garden

I don't have one.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Doom721
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Life is like a box of chocolates

If you're morbidlly obese then it won't last long.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Treejeig
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Life is like box of chocolates...

Empty!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Homer_Simpson2
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.