Lateran University Puns

September 15th, 1507

Rome

 

The hustle and bustle of the Roman morning was not lost on Maximilian, despite the preparations for his official coronation. Despite the ceremony of the day, and the early hours of the morning, the birdsongs of the morning were heard, as well those beginning their day through the setting up of stalls and moving wares. The muffled sounds of such a great city were still heard, faintly, as the mental rehearsal of the day, for what felt like, at least, the eighth, time began in Maximilian’s head. And what a rehearsal it was, for today was to be a day like no other, not seen for five and fifty years. The droning of such an important city and its residents provided a more comforting soundtrack to the silence which had wracked his brain throughout the night. And yet, his eighth (And yes, it was eighth. He had counted, properly, before beginning once more) rehearsal was interrupted by a sharp double-knock on the door.

And so, he rose, steeling himself for the long day which lay ahead. A long, winding road, punctuated by much pomp and ceremony, familiar to him, for it was a path travelled twice. Yet this road diverged from its traditional path, whence it came through the wild, rough, stubborn woodland, and should emerge from the other side. This was a road that brought unease to the Weisskunig, for it was a road not travelled in a great many years. His father, in his youth, had told him much of his trip to Rome in 1452, and the coronation under the great Nicholas V. Such a grand trip, which he had himself done, yet one done under much different times. Eleven years his fathers’ elder before the day of his coronation, and five and fifty years later. The familiarities of the road which were so apparent during his early years, illustrated by grandiose images conjured in his mind of the majesty of Rome had vanished over the years. But he knew, now, after so many years, it was about to happen. He was to begin his slow journey across that divergent path through the wild, rough, stubborn woodland of coronation, after many restless and sleepless nights of worry and preparation for the journey that lay ahead. He knew the start, knew the rough journey, but did not know how it would end, nor the specifics. And it began, as he stepped through the door and silently accompanied the aide to begin.

Descending down, Maximilian, clad in the official Imperial vestments befitting such a coronation, followed the aide sent to fetch him

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

##Overview

Due to the collapse of the Consitutional Arch in 1951, the Italian Constitution would be passed by the uneasy cooperation of Christian Democracy (CD) & the Italian Patriotic Front (IPF) on May 12th, 1952. The Italian constitution outlines the role & powers of the Italian government and the relation of the Italian citizen to itself.

###Preamble

The Head of State, by virtue of the deliberations of the Constituent Assembly, which in the session of 12 May 1952 approved the Constitution of the Italian Republic; by virtue of Final Provision XVIII of the Constitution; promulgates the Constitution of the Italian Republic in the following text:

###The Fundamental Principles

The Fundamental Principles declare the foundations on which the Republic is established, starting with its democratic nature, in which the sovereignty belongs to the people and is exercised by the people in the forms and within the limits of the Constitution. The Principles recognize the dignity of the person, both as an individual and in social groups, expressing the notions of solidarity and equality without distinction of sex, race, religion, political opinion, personal and social conditions. For this purpose, the right to serve is also recognized, with labor considered the foundation of the Republic and a means to achieve individual and social development: every citizen has a duty to contribute to the development of the society, as much as they can.

The Principles recognize the territorial integrity of the Republic. They also promote scientific, technical, and cultural development, and safeguard the environmental, historical, and artistic heritage of the nation.

###The Role of the Church

The State and the Catholic Church are recognized as independent and sovereign, each within its own sphere. Freedom of Religion is also recognized, with all religions having the right of self-organization, as long as they don't conflict with the law, and the possibility to establish a relationship with the State through agreements. In particular, Article 7 recognizes the Lateran Treaty of 1929, which gave a special status to the Catholic Church, and allows modification to such treaty without the need for constitutional amendments.

###The Flag

The last of the Principles establishes the Italian tricolor as the flag of Italy: green, white, and red, in three vertical bands of e

[Removed]

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

You take away their little brooms

There hasn't been a post all year!

So I know that this has been done quite a lot of times before, but I just wanted to make a version that updates with new operators. When new operators get released I'll update this.

Vanguards

Bagpipe - Evident; named after the traditional instrument used in Scotland.

Beanstalk - Probably refers to the beanstalk in the fairy tale; through which a poor boy becomes rich (could refer to her own ambitions)

Chiave - Italian for 'key'.

Courier - Literally his job in Karlan. Plus, this name does a job of hiding his archievements as the bodyguard of SilverAsh.

Elysium - He's an arctic tern, whose Latin name is Sterna paradisea. A paradise is an elysium.

Fang - Funnily enough, not a reference to the nonexistent fangs of horses, but rather a rendition of her original Chinese name, 芬, which means 'fragrance'.

Flametail - This was her callsign when she wasn't at Rhodes. She has a red tail.

Grani - Named after the horse of the legendary hero Sigurd, Grani/Grane.

Myrtle - Reference to the plant of the same name.

Plume - Evident; her file name is 'falco'; suggesting that she may be based on a falcon.

Reed - Has in-universe importance. It's part of her rendering herself disguised; as insignificant as a reed.

Saileach - Her real name is Jane Willow, Saileach means 'willow'.

Saga - Named after the Japanese emperor, Saga-tennou.

Scavenger - She was known for picking leftovers. Description of her 'job'.

Siege - Reference to the Siege Perilious; the empty seat at the Round Table reserved for the one who would find the Holy Grail.

Texas - She's an extinct Texas wolf. In-universe, it's also the name of her long gone family.

Vanilla - Is more of a meta sense - as she's a Vanguard that most beginners will get and use in the start. Or rather, she's a vanilla Vanguard.

Vigna - Refers to the A(d)zuki bean, Vigna angularis.

Wild Mane - Evident, look at her hairstyle.

Yato - Her file name is 'nblade'. I guess that, together with her chinese name, it means 'night blade'. Yato's skin is sensitive to sunlight.

Zima - Her name means 'winter' in Russian. It goes along with 'general Winter' and with Leto (summer). Her filename is 'headbr', 'head bear' as in the leader of the USSG.

Snipers

Aciddrop - Name of a certain skateboarding move/technique.

Adnachiel - Named after the angel of truth.

Ambriel - Also named after an angel, who is lin

Why

It was about a weak back.

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Him: I can explain everything!

(It's his best joke yet I think)

Bob

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.

Just to clarify, 12345678

Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...

Notices there's only 2;

Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."

I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.