A list of puns related to "La Times"
English and Spanish.
The Trump administration is making a game out of getting Latinos out of the country, they call it deporte.
Spanish heathens have to pay extra to preforn their ceremonies. Pagan rituals
What sci-fi weapon does the King of Spain prefer? A rey-gun!
Do you know how many times anyone had to tell me how to say 'eleven' in Spanish? Once.
Exclusivamente en español (Perdón por errores gramaticales)
Qué comida es el mas mojado? El agua-cate
Cual comida no puede decir una mentira? La verdadura
Como se llama un libro sobra la revolución? Libre!
Qué es exactamente una mejor que Beyonce? Beydoce
Cual animal siempre tiene un novio o novia? El Parejaro.
Cual comida es el menos diverido? Aburrito.
Sobre que papel de pelicula de Madonna no le quiere hablar? Evita!
Quiero que me digáis mas. Nunca tengo suficiente bromas!
When Harry Met Salad
What About Ke-Bob
Cumin to America
Weekend at Bearneaise II
Steakin I, II, & III
A Few Good Salmon
You’ve Got Kale
Shawshank Re-Dim Sum
Romancing the Scone
An Éclair to Remember
Roman Hollandaise
Glazed and Confused
Bill & Ted’s Eggcellent Adventure
The Evil Bread
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Shrimp
Fondue the Right Thing
Ribeyes Wide Shut
Mignons
Plante of the Grapes
Spider Manchu
Sushis All That
A Wok to Remember
Marsala-la Land
Apocalypse Cow
Die Chard
Die Chard with a Vinaigrette
Hogan’s Gyros
The Sand Latkes
A League of their Macaroni
Revenge of the Curds
Rush S’More
Braising Arizona
Demolition Ham
10 Things I hate About Ewe
Saladin
Oliver and Com-penne
Dirty Rotten Chanterelles
Sex and the Satay
The Truth About Cats & Hotdogs
Morella Enchanted
Provolone Together
Clear and Pheasant Danger
The Big Chili
Lémon: The Professional
Ava-Tartare
Hocous Pocous
High Fi-Deli Meat
Madagascargot
The Fifth Elementos
Muensters Inc.
There’s Something About Rosemary
I Am Ham
Quiche Lorraine Man
Barley & Me
Lentil Giants
Peggy Soufflé Got Married
Face Stroganoff
Con Gruyére
Fast Times at Porridgemont High
Bok Choys in the Hood
Papillonion
Requinoa for a Dream
Serial Cardamom
Sorry that this isn't a joke itself but my pizza place is making a newsletter and I need to come up with a punny name for it. So far the front runner is MozzarelLA Times
My friend had a really interesting job. One of those jobs you didn't know people could get.
tl;dr just read it, it's worth reading the whole description of the job
Before I moved, my neighbor's job was based in Antarctica. He worked with one of the research centers there, and his job was standing up penguins. I kid you not — when shipments arrived by air, like by helicopter or by airplane or whatever, the penguins would all look up with their tiny heads and look up so high they would fall over backwards. Now, penguins are super awkward in how they waddle everywhere, and so, not wanting to disturb the local environment, the research station had to have someone that could suit up and go out there and stand up penguins.
As soon as every shipment arrived, he would say, "Welp, better go suit up now," get into the whole penguin suit, and waddle out there all incognito and stand the penguins on their feet again. I'm sure they could have done it on their own, eventually, but the idea was to disturb the animals for as little time as possible.
I thought it was the most ridiculous thing when he told me, but he got the job through his dad's researcher colleague. Basically, the deal was they would get people to go down for 3-month periods (I think he ended up doing 6 months) and this was his occupation for that time. Actually, is plane flight there was one of the really cool parts: LA went to Sydney, which then went back across the Pacific to Buenos Aires. Then, on the final leg, he would finally go Buenos Aires to the research station. The planes actually had to be specially fitted for the job, though — Of course, you can't have typical runways in Antarctica because they'd get ice all over them and there'd be all these problems — so the planes had to have mechanics on board each flight who would, mid-flight, switch out the take-off wheels for the landing skis. Just like a sea plane, except it was a snow-plane. Coolest thing ever.
Oh, but the way he described working with the penguins was the best! Most of the time he'd just go out and stand them up, but sometimes one would hurt itself. Like one time one of them fell over backwards and hit its foot the wrong way, so he had to not only pick it up, but give medical help, too. He seriously had to prop up the penguin, take off his glove, and pull on each of the penguins little webbed toes, pull on their legs. Sort of like how I'm pulling your leg right now.
Cousin flew in from LA to Michigan and we haven't seen him in 3 years. We are all Korean and my dad has a very thick Korean accent.
Dad: Does your eye hurt?
Cousin: No why?
Dad: Long time no see.
Cousin: ugh....
This was quite a while ago, I was probably in middle school (currently 26). My family took a quick day trip to Universal Studios Hollywood since we live in the greater LA area. Now to set the scene, my dad is a native of Mexico but has lived here since his late teens so his English is pretty good with a tinge of an accent since Spanish is his primary language. We park in the parking garage on property and we do the usual "make a mental note of where we parked for later". That's when I see a smirk come across his face as he turns to me laughing under his breath.
-"What's so funny?"
-"Notice where we parked?"
-"Yeah. Jurassic Park lot, 3B"
Cue dad
-"Jurassic Park..." half expecting me to laugh. He continues "Jurassic Park... Jurr-Ass-is-Parked"
facepalm
As terrible as it was at the time, I've tried to pull this joke out with friends years later, eye rolls and crickets. Thanks dad.
This used to happen every time I went to a restaurant with my dad.
Hostess:"Do you have a smoking preference?" Dad:"Marlboro."
OR
Hostess:"Do you have a seating preference?" Dad:"La-Z-boy."
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