How Kyle Jarrow Puzzle-Pieced Songs From 21 Artists for One Seamless SpongeBob SquarePants | Playbill playbill.com/article/how-…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/genericguy12
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2018
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Fantasy
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HomoSapien1415
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2021
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Idk a good title
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StayPuzzled
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2021
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I like my women like my coffee

Bottomless

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Darth_Ranga
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2021
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My son was born yesterday and is in the NICU. [META]

What are your best dad jokes? Whoever tells me the funniest one will have the honor of knowing their dad joke was my first as a dad.

Edit: there are two winners.

The first is one I told to my wife. It is about him being born with 4 kidneys but two of them will become adult knees. Thank you u/cabbithunt

The second I told me son. "There are two fish in a tank. One fish looks at the other and says 'I'll drive you man the guns.'" Thank you u/kiabe1

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nomolos2621
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2021
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WHO HAS 2 THUMBS AND IS AWESOME?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kvlyc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2021
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What are fat people good at?

They XL in clothing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealThenill
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2021
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These aren't dad jokes...

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lance986
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2021
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What do you call a cop in bed? (Lord help me)

An under-cover cop

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAMACARROTboi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2021
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My wife said if I bought her one more stupid gift, she would burn it.

So i bought her a candle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTwitchDJ
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2021
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What is the capital of Poland?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keith2301
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2021
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A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink

The bartender says "for you, no charge"

For all my nerds out there

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SergeantSalty20
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2021
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A Gen Z kid and a boomer walk into a bar They sit down and the Gen Z kid orders from the gluten free vegan menu and the boomer orders a T-Bone steak.

They start chatting and the Gen Z kid says that social justice issues are the biggest problem facing the world, and that the white supremacist patriarchy is a plague on society. > The boomer waves this off and says the kids these days are just too sensitive, and that he fought for civil rights in the sixties and did his part.

They go back and forth on this for a while, and finally the Gen Z kid says, "we're just not gonna settle this. We don't see eye to eye. You're too old and out of touch and I'm too young and inexperienced. What we need to do is ask a Millennial with a PhD in sociology for their opinion."

The boomer says, "that's a great idea!" And yells, "HEY BARTENDER, C'MERE!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YZXFILE
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2021
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I surveyed 100 women on what their favorite shampoo is.

94% of them replied β€œGet out of my shower!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BoomShackaLocka_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2021
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0mg πŸ˜΅β€πŸ’«
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/el0ise-
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2021
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Why are married women heavier than single women? Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.

Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YZXFILE
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2021
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I ran into the office this morning and switched the m and n keys on as many keyboards as I could. Some might call me a monster but

The rest are definitely goimg to call ne a nomster.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/razzec_phone
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2021
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Chef's kiss
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deathskull_2408
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2021
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well, that’s unpheasant
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LuckyTaco_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2021
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When is a door not a door?(I'm so sorry)

When it's ajar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAMACARROTboi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2021
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Daughter just now while eating lunch: "What's your favorite number?"

Me: "3 and 5."

Wife: "That's odd."

Other daughter: "Even when you add them."

I've done well.

Edit: Spacing.

Edit 2: Holy gold Batman! I told my family we were brief internet celebrities last night, now we're royalty! Thanks the internet!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kiltebeest
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2021
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(Warning: dark joke) Why was 10 scared?

It was in the middle of 9 11

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2021
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To whoever stole my elevator joke

I know what you're up to.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uckioh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2021
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My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LynxOfLords
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2021
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Buzzkill
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amirlopez
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2021
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Conversation my wife just had with our kids....

*4/yo is wrestling with 11/yo.

*11/yo rolls over and pretends to die.

Mom: He's dead you don't need to keep attacking him.

4/yo to 11/yo: You're a car now! Vroom.

Mom: What? He was dead and now he's a car?

11/yo: Yeah it's reinCARnation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GraemMcduff
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2021
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T'is the season to be generous
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keith2301
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2021
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As told by a 4 year old... What has 4 wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ginger-Ninja26
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2021
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Holy Cow! Did you hear about the fight between 2019 and 2020?

2021

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trinitymaster
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2021
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Who's counting?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2021
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Hey- it’s come to our attention that some of you who are posting here aren’t actually dads. It's inappropriate to make a "dad joke" if you are not a dad.

It's a faux pa.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DatabaseSolid
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2021
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My wife is leaving me due to my addiction to horse racing and she's taking the kids.

They're all packed and ready to go, they're at the gate now, and they're off.

EDIT: Thankyou everyone for getting me through this Friday these puns have been ridiculously on form except the one guy that tried to offer counselling advice on a joke thread πŸ™ˆ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Detroitredwinger
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2021
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I am about to join the Dad club!

Give me dad joke material to entertain my wife as we sit here in the hospital together! What should my first joke be when I hold my daughter?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fa5878
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2021
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Puns the words out of me
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arrow-of-god
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2021
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Made me laugh harder than it should have
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Givemesomerain_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2021
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You think the Omicron variant is bad?

Because the next one will be 3.14 times worse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/leroysolay
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2021
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My wife said she'll divorce me if I keep making puns about birds with long necks.

That's swan way to go about it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2021
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Pardon madame...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2021
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It is OK to be Frank with people

Or Josh with them. But try not to Rob or Sue them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ant_Diamond64
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2021
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Better watch out where you stand!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlebSide2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2021
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Axman Surplus- St Louis Park, MN
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uncleputts
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2021
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When my wife is depressed I let her color in my tattoos.

She just wants a shoulder to crayon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/berkleysquare
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2021
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15% please...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2021
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Dude got fired for having pot.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/imanadultok
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2021
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Before we were married, my wife used to clean up my place, and i used to clean hers.

Eventually we realized that we were maid for each other.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chacham2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2021
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So I hired this dude to count people in the Bible for me. How many Noah's are there. How many Moseses. That sort of thing. Well, today, he stopped about halfway through. I'm sad to say that I had to let him go.

I mean, he only had one Job.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gaudiocomplex
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2021
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"I Lost My Job" Puns

My daughter and I have been trading these. Here is our current list - would love to hear more!

  1. I lost my job at the chess factory. I couldn’t work knights.
  2. I lost my job at the bank. A lady asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.
  3. I lost my job at the keyboard factory. I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.
  4. I lost my job at the calendar factory. I took too many days off.
  5. I lost my job as a maze designed. I got lost in my work.
  6. I lost my job as an electrician. I was shocked!
  7. I lost my job as a psychic. I didn’t see it coming!
  8. I lost my job at the funeral home. Apparently, the options are β€œcremation” or β€œburial,” not β€œsmoking” or β€œnon-smoking.”
  9. I lost my job as an astronomer. I thought my work was looking up!
  10. I lost my job as a cyber criminal. I couldn’t hack it.
  11. I lost my job as a human cannonball. I got fired!
  12. I lost my job as a garbage collector. I had no training but I thought I would pick it up as I go.
  13. I lost my job as a math teacher, same job I’ve had since 2000. That’s 46 years down the drain!
  14. I lost my job in pool maintenance. It was too draining.
  15. I lost my job as a fisherman. I didn’t make enough net income.
  16. I lost my job as a baker. I really kneaded the dough!
  17. I lost my job as a historian. There was no future in it.
  18. I lost my job as a tour guide in Australia. I did not have the right koalafications.
  19. I lost my job at the upholstery repair shop. I may never recover.
  20. I lost my job as a massage therapist. I rubbed people the wrong way.
  21. I lost my job as a seamstress. And I tried sew hard.
  22. I lost my job as a musician. I just wasn’t noteworthy.
  23. I lost my job at the unemployment office. And I still need to go back there tomorrow.
  24. I lost my job feeding giraffes. I just wasn’t up to it.
  25. I lost my job as a water slide attendant. My career is going down the tubes.
  26. I lost my job at the paper shredding factory. It was a tearable job.
  27. I lost my job as a drummer. I’m sure there will be repercussions.
  28. I lost my job as a pole vaulter. I'll never get over it.
  29. I lost my job as a pet groomer. I couldn’t make heads or tails of it.
  30. I lost my job as a pastry tester. That job was a piece of cake.
  31. I lost my job as a mirror inspector. I could see myself doing that for a long time.
  32. I lost my job as a yoga instructor. I bent over backwards for them.
  33. I lost my job at Dunkin. It’s ok, I was fed up wit
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dleishman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2021
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How did the hacker get away from the police?

He ransomware

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bogienin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2021
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