Kiyotake Kawaguchi Puns

For those unfamiliar, in OTL, Tsuji Masanobu was a Kwantung Army officer who not only was a staunch adherent to gekokujo and rising star in the eyes of Hideki Toji, but was infamous for instigating the Nomonhan Incident (which led to the Battle of Khalkin Gol) and various wartime atrocities in the name of securing victory by any means necessary.

He was also an astute propagandist. After sneaking through Thailand and French Indochina to slip back into Japan after the war ended, he cleverly hid the atrocities made under his belt upon taking a career in politics. That and hiding his ignoble defeat at the hands of none other than Georgy Zhukov at Khalkin Gol, to boot, but I digress.

Though he did draw the ire of some within the LDP, including Kishi himself, for his at times schizophrenic antics, he had successfully repackaged himself as a patriotic war hero in a way that's almost admirable in its audacity. Though the CIA called him “the type of man who, given the chance, would start World War III without any misgivings", he could have had a shot at becoming Prime Minister...if not for a certain General Kiyotake Kawaguchi, who was tried for war crimes in Masanobu's place despite being otherwise innocent, returned from captivity in the Philippines in his final years to expose the truth to the Japanese press. It destroyed his political aspirations practically overnight, which may likely have played a role in his eventual disappearance in Laos in 1961 and his eventual demise either somewhere in China or the midst of the Vietnam War in 1968.

Why is all this significant? In TNO, he becomes even more deranged but otherwise is just as successful in fashioning a "war hero" image in the eyes of the Japanese public. And unlike OTL, and especially should Kishi execute Order 44, nothing's really stopping him from taking the reins, and succeeding where he failed in real life.

EDIT: Even without Order 44, given that’s being removed, someone like Masanobu could plausibly rise to prominence in the wake of a successful Kishi. Whether his war hero credentials hold firm enough or get trashed like OTL, however, would probably depend on the path Japan takes.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

BamBOO!

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

You take away their little brooms

It was about a weak back.

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Him: I can explain everything!

(It's his best joke yet I think)

Bob

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.