Kiwi! Puns

They'll respond: "Lay eggs, bro."

Jesus, don't you ever shave?

Banned for life

These are the pie-rates of the Caribbean I’m so sorry...

We walked past the entrance where people were setting up for card game tournaments, including Magic: The Gathering. He stopped me and said completely deadpan, "This is where the magic happens."

…he’s absolutely peachless

Lays iggs.

(One for the Kiwis out there)

Aww-range

Aqui oui (A kiwi)

"One bootblack said to the other, 'KIWI, what a joke...'"

That's supposed to be funny?

Because he was a kiwi.

When the punchline becomes apparent

They mate

My coworkers and I were taking asbestos safety classes. The instructor told us to do a good job on our tests. I looked over at the instructor and said, "I'll do this job, asbestos I can." Instructor couldn't contain himself.

Because 7 is a registered 6 offender! :D

I haven't slept since last year, and I'm EXHAUSTED!

Because seven was a registered six offender.

NASHI here Scott, we don't need your PERSIMMON to PRODUCE puns. I ain't LIME-ing, fruit puns are hard. It's a GRAPE skill to have and not at all CORNy. If BANANA (you wanna) challenge us; that can be ORANGEd, however you SHALLOT be prePEARed for us. I can GUAVAntee we will not deal with you GINGERly; if you push, APPLE; (I pull) It's not like i'm speaking LEBANESE, CUCUMBERstand?

I myself am full of puns from my head TOMATOES, as you can KIWI (See, we) have been doing this longer than you, we never skip a BEET, our abilities just climb higher PAPAYA (and higher)?.

We don't CARROT all if you're upset by this, in fact it's about THYME we asked your mother on a DATE. So don't be a DILL, we've BEAN there and done that before. So be ready to LETTUCE give you something to cry about throws onion

It's English, American, Canadian, Australian, Kiwi and Jamaican.

My family went up to Washington for a couple of weeks and my sister brought her boyfriend. Let's refer to her as Kiwi and him as Konrad. We didn't want to deal with bringing a car up, so we rented one, going with a Volkswagen Jetta at the recommendation of the agent who saw the huge volume of stuff we were carrying. I remember seeing Konrad smirking a little bit when we got in the car, but didn't think anything of it at the time.

Fast forward to the end of our vacation, and we're heading back to the agency to turn in the car, and unpacking all of our stuff from the trunk, and Kiwi says "That looks like everything," and Konrad says "Yup, I guess that's the return of the Jetta."

Me: "You've been waiting three weeks to use that, haven't you?"

Kiwi

I haven't slept since last year and I'm EXHAUSTED!