Ken Aston Puns

Hi everyone, I have a pile of vintage Ken Aston referee polo shirts and a few AYSO 1999 tees.

Would you guys like a giveaway or something? I was going to do some here and then see if the football sub wanted any too.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

About a little over two years ago I starting writing this ridiculously long FH5 wishlist showcasing everything I wanted to see. Now that the game's been out for a good long while, I managed to dig this up and might as well release it to you guys now that we mostly know what what's happening in the new title. Anything below this point is the post.

Well, here it is. It's done. My entire list of things I want in Forza Horizon 5. This ranges from gameplay mechanics and quality-of-life changes, to future barn finds and music. I've been working really hard on this since November, so if you have a grievance with a certain feature please be sure to explain why.

LOCATION---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Horizon 5 absolutely needs to be set in Japan. It's required, nobody should abject this.
2. The mysterious, iconic, hidden "Unrecoverable Supra" can be found as a Beauty Spot.
3. Now that Toyota's back, can we have the 2020 Supra as the cover car?

THE HORIZON FESTIVAL---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Go back to the game's roots festival-wise. Have lots of emphasis on music and live performances. This being stated, disable the feature seen in 3&4 where you can change music on the fly at the Festival Site.
2. Legitimate Festival T-Shirts. The first shirt you unlock in Horizon 4 is a festival shirt, but it's incredibly generic. The starter shirt in Horizon 5 should say "HORIZON FESTIVAL 2021" on the front and on the back have a lineup of all the bands and artists whose music is going to appear in the game. You know, like actual music festival shirts??
3. Actually have the bands performing on stage. Music is emitted from the stage, but no one is there, or if there is, it's a generic NPC. Have the actual band members performing the songs onstage. I know the expensive long process of getting a real person in a game, but they're going to be seen from a distance, they don't have to be super detailed, just resemble them from a distance.
4. Make the music sound legitimate. When you're at the festival in Horizon 4, the music coming from speakers is just the studio recording. I suggest two versions of each song saved in the game. The normal studio version when you're away doing races or cruising around, but have a recorded version of when the performer(s) played a song live when you roll up to the festival. This will make it SO much more immersive.

MUSIC--

Hello everyone! BigHedDjango here, tunes for this week to help you out.

https://i.imgur.com/vOwQk5M.png

All feedback on tunes is appreciated - good or bad.

Tuning method:

1. Stock vehicle look, no aero
2. All tunes tested vs Expert AI on championship tracks in seasonal weather. No point in claiming vs Unbeatable AI since it's broken and bugged, very few cars can beat it consistently. Hope it gets fixed soon
3. Bodykit only used if it does not ruin performance

So far you cannot pre-tune cars for seasons in FH5. Tunes can only be provided after the season changes

>

I unlocked all Tuning accolades in the first week so if anyone wants to share their own tunes I will list them here. For the Trial, your tunes need to be able to catchup to Unbeatable AI. For Championships, your tunes need to win all 3 races. If you are confident with your tunes then please do share. I will test them out once and list them ^^

>

Forza Horizon 4 tunes can always be found on my archive thread!

https://www.reddit.com/user/BigHeadDjango/comments/r4ptt6/forza_horizon_4_and_horizon_5_tunes_archive/

> ### Weekly Forzathon Challenge

> ######

>

2019 Ferrari 488 Pista (S1 race tune, stock engine, smooth)

Tune - 241 267 424

Easy Win Road Sprint - 980 369 296

> ### Trial - Rite Of Passage

> ##### Road Racing - Classic Sports Cars - PI 100-800

>

NOTE: Unbeatable AI is bugged. Try to block and slowdown AI and help teammates in order to win

This Trial has a wide PI range so expect it to be a pain. Better if you can do it in a convoy of 6

1973 Nissan Skyline H/T 2000GT-R (My pick, A class, fantastic car, only thing it cannot do is trail break during hard breaking although I did adjust for that a bit)

Tune - 160 073 024

1971 Lotus Elan Sprint (A class)

Tune - 694 978 975

> ### Playground Games - Party Time

> ##### Retro Hot Hatch - PI 100-700

>

NOTE: You do not need to win this! Only complete! If your team is losing don't leave, instead let the other team win the game for a quick 3 round finish

1974 Honda Civic RS (B class, stock engine)

Tune - 107 021 182

> ### Seasonal PR Stunts

>

Video guide: https://www.reddit.com/r/ForzaHorizon/comments/r7zw30/fh5_series_1_week_4_spring_all_pr_stunts/

> ##### Danger Sign - Los Jardines - GT Cars - S1 900

>

2019 Aston Martin Vantage **(On

Acura - 5k cr

Alpine - 1k xp

Alumi Craft - 2,5k xp

AMC - 1k xp

AMG Transport Dynamics - wheelspin

Apollo - 2 wheelspins

Ariel - 10k cr

Aston Martin - super wheelspin

Audi - 3 wheelspins

Austin-Healey - emote(bring it)

Auto Union - 4k xp

BAC - 2k xp

Bentley - 3k xp

BMW - Bmw m4 '16

Bugatti - super wheelspin

Buick - 2k xp

Cadillac - 5k cr

Can-Am - 1k xp

Caterham - 1k xp

Chevrolet - Corvette '60

Datsun - 2k xp

DeBerti - Wheelspin

DeLorean - 100pts

Dodge - horn(monster roar)

Exomotive - 3k xp

Ferrari - Laferrari

Ford - ford gt40 '64

Formula Drift - 2 super wheelspins

Forsberg Racing - nothing lol

Funco Motorsports - wheelspin

GMC - 2k xp

Hennessy - wheelspin

Holden - 5k cr

Honda - horn(bwwaaaahh!!!)

Hoonigan - cloth(ken block race suit)

Hot Wheels - dance(hotline)

HSV - 5k cr

Hummer - chat(I have spoken!)

Hyundai - 3k xp

Infinity - 1k xp

International - 1k xp

Italdesign - 100pts

Jaguar - horn(jaguar growl)

Jeep - wheelspin

Koenigsegg - 2 super wheelspins

KTM - wheelspin

Lamborghini - lambo reventón

Land Rover - wheelspin

Lexus - horn(level up)

Local Motors - horn(strike)

Lola - wheelspin

Lotus - 2 wheelspins

Maserati - 3 super wheelspins

Mazda - dance(back spring)

McLaren - McLaren 720s

Mercedes AMG - wheelspin

Mercedes - M-B W154

Meyers - 4k xp

MG - 2k xp

Mini - 50k cr

Mitsubishi - horn(red alert)

Morgan - 1k xp

Morris - 1k xp

Mosler - horn(dramatic strings)

Napier - dance(the gun show)

Nissan - Fairlady Z '69

Opel - 2k xp

Pagani - cloth(xs modern race helmet)

Penhall - 2k xp

Peugeot - 15k cr

Plymouth - wheelspin

Polaris - 1k xp

Pontiac - 10k cr

Porsche - 911 gt3 rs fe

Radical - chat(catch me if you can!)

Raesr - 100pts

Ram - 5k cr

Reliant - 1k xp

Renault - cloth(horizon race suit)

Rimac - wheelspin

RJ Anderson - wheelspin

Saleen - 25k cr

Shelby - 10k xp

Sierra Cars - 1k xp

Subaru - wheelspin

Toyota - super wheelspin

TVR - 25k cr

Ultima - chat(wow. Such car)

Vauxhall - 1k xp

Volkswagen - 3 wheelspins

Volvo - 25k cr

Vuhl - chat(a fine addition to my collection)

Willys - chat(you have no authority here)

Zenvo - 5k cr

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

MATCH INFO

Competition: Premier League (Matchday 7)

Date: October 02, 2021 (2021/2022)

Time: 15:00 (Europe/London)

Venue: Elland Road

Referee: Simon Hooper, England

LINEUPS

Leeds (4-1-4-1)

Starting XI: Illan Meslier, Jamie Shackleton, Diego Llorente, Liam Cooper, Junior Firpo, Kalvin Phillips, Raphinha, Stuart Dallas, Mateusz Klich, Daniel James, Rodrigo

Substitutes: Kristoffer Klaesson, Pascal Struijk, Charlie Cresswell, Leo Fuhr Hjelde, Jack Harrison, Tyler Roberts, Stuart McKinstry, Sam Greenwood, Joe Gelhardt

Manager: M. Bielsa

Watford (4-2-3-1)

Starting XI: Ben Foster, Kiko Femenía, William Troost-Ekong, Francisco Sierralta, Danny Rose, Juraj Kucka, Moussa Sissoko, Ismaïla Sarr, Ozan Tufan, Emmanuel Dennis, Joshua King

Substitutes: Daniel Bachmann, Adam Masina, Christian Kabasele, Jeremy Ngakia, Tom Cleverley, Dan Gosling, Ken Sema, Cucho Hernández, João Pedro

Manager: Xisco Muñoz

PLAYER STATS

Leeds

Watford

MATCH STATS

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.