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Sorry for the long post but it's a good one! : /
Backstory: My son is adopted. We got limited medical history but knew he was allergic to 'specialty nuts'. We didn't know what that meant but decided to keep him away from all nuts for awhile. He was also born low birth weight so I was very careful with his nutrition (homemade, highly nutrient dense, organic baby food). Because of the potential nut allergy, we decided to use rice milk as his milk of choice (breast feeding wasn't an option).
When my son was 14mo, I let DH take him to visit his family. The trip was just a few nights and other than one day trip, my DH would be with him the whole time.
During the 1 day that DH was gone, Doom Cleaver set out to 'prove' she was a better mother than me.
- She fed him toast for breakfast and a grilled cheese for lunch despite the fact that he had never eaten wheat before.
- When he had diarrhea from wheat, she decided to skip the diaper cream I packed and use the powder she used when DH was young. I had told her how powder wasn't really used anymore for the concerns it was a carcinogen or that kids tip it over on themselves and suffocate. Raise your kids your way but she knew this was a no-go for us.
But, those pale in comparison to the most unreal change, the one that could have literally killed him.
My DH brought several pints of rice milk for the trip. Some time that morning, Doom Cleaver was alone with my son and had a friend stop by to perform a muscle memory test on him.
Side note: A muscle memory test is a quack science technique by which you expose a person to the suspected food allergy by having them hold it. You then "measure muscle strength" by applying pressure to an extended arm (aka, you push down on the extended arm). The idea is that muscles in the body are “sensitive” to anything that is harmful to it. A food allergen will make you weaker when you are close to it.
Somehow, Doom Cleaver had my 14 mo son "hold" rice milk in an extended arm while she pushed down on it. Since she was able to push down on his arm, she concluded that he was actually allergic to the rice milk and switched him to almond milk. Mother. Fucking. Almond. Milk. (are almonds a specialty nut???)
Doom Cleaver did this without asking me or DH. She called me after the fact to tell me how she had figured out his "actual" allergy. I lost my shit and called DH right away to get back to our son and get her
... keep reading on reddit ➡
My mom has constantly shamed me since I first had kids and acts like my husband and I's lives were supposed to end once we became parents. We're not supposed to go out on dates. We're not supposed to go out without the kids period, actually. And especially not after dark - she always says, "Respectable people are at home by 8 o'clock." Not supposed to drink a drop of alcohol, that makes us irresponsible party animals who have no business being around kids obviously.
Seriously, I know I'm over thirty and I hate to admit it, but she still manages to make me feel like garbage if I buy a cheap ass dacquiri in a pouch and dare to take 30 minutes to myself. My husband is good about making sure I have that time and I reciprocate, but I still wind up feeling like I'm doing something dirty. If we have a cookout or dinner and invite her, we've got to make sure there's no alcohol available and none of the other guests drink because she gets pissed. "Why do you need to be fucking drinking, are you a bunch of alcoholics?"
I'm not supposed to have friends, let alone talk to or meet up with anyone. She keeps making these passive aggressive comments like, "That's nice, I wish I could blow off housework to see my friends."
It's just...ugh. Nothing is ever good enough. I'm never acting proper enough, my house is never clean enough, my parenting is never enough. Like fuck off already, I'm doing my best!
Currently listening to the Dead while battling away in some Pokemon raids!
Looking for a connection with a man (preferably my age or older) who likes stoning away an afternoon to cuddling, good food, music, and the cool breeze. (Local please, ldr connection is very difficult for me.)
I love, love, love to cook, and spend lazy days tooling around the kitchen. I paint, and walk, and notice the trees where beavers have left their mark. My pumpkin roots go down early, but the shoe never fits.
I believe in spending my days with Yen, and that Bulbasaur is the best starter, and I'll throw the blue shell no matter how much I like whomever is in first place.
So let's quarantine on Switch's island paradise, or have dinner and a movie Tuesdays (Phish show) through face time, or discover some other wardrobes we'd normally forget to find.
For things that matter to some.... I'm tall 5'(almost) 11", heavier set/curvy, married, mom, social drinking/tobacco/marijuana user, mostly introverted, politically progressive, and an early bird.
Tl;Dr - local connections only please, I like Phish and the Dead, cooking, painting (daily hobby), video games, far too many kid's shows, outdoors (daily), reading, and am polyamorous
I had previously posted here in the middle of the storm of this and then removed it as I was nervous about identifying information as this drama affects other family members much more than myself.
This gist of it is that my MIL’s actions have earned her the status of JUSTNO. She’s always acted as though she is the ultimate mother, homemaker, wife etc. akin to June Cleaver but with martyrdom and heavy religious undertones mixed in. I think the term June Meat Cleaver will do, so let’s call her JMC.
Recent information has come out that JMC’s husband (remarried from my husband’s father) SFIL has been boundary-testing and sexually abusing our niece through a ritual of massage that JMC was often present in the room for. JMC wrote it off as a massive misunderstanding that the child must be misinterpreting even though said child had made it very clear on many occasions that she was uncomfortable at where she was being touched. Other highly inappropriate things have happened and it’s very clear that SFIL is seriously manipulating JMC’s worldview.
Everything came to a head, niece is getting professional help, SFIL is completely NC forever, and her parents are being loving and supportive through the incident.
This is where my heart is broken. Prior to this, I held JMC in fairly high regard. She was a bit overbearing with some things but not to a crazy extent. When my LO was born she stayed with us for weeks and helped so much more than any of my blood family did. Because of this, I was very straight forward with her when the abuse came to light and told her that the man she’s with very clearly has a problem and he’s manipulating her and he was no longer allowed any contact with my family. I even offered her our home if she decided to leave him in light of the information, even though that’s the last thing my husband or I would want. But she will hardly acknowledge what happened. I think she thinks it will blow over. She keeps posting religious things about storms and forgiveness on social media along with photos of her grandchildren (including the abused one).
Prior to this, we texted daily and I sent her photos and updates of our LO, and I’m still sending a few every week or so trying to maintain some kind of support for her, but the whole situation has really called her judgement into question.
My heart and brain just hurts and I feel so angry with how she’s handled everything. I can’t ever trust her to prioritize our LO’s safety over her ego. My eyes are o
... keep reading on reddit ➡Don't you think you were a little rough on the Beaver last night?
So there I was, I am not yet full time, in the safety of my house wearing simple comfy dress, no wig/makeup but nails all purply and shiny earrings. Bbusy in kitchen making cookies, homemade apple pie, banana bread(w/chocochip) and a few other prepped meals. Dishes are a running battle with all the prep, it was an active mess.
-
my daughter(20F) brings home a male friend(20m). No warning. Both walk in and see me in all my partial presentation. Not an eye blinked, pie and cookie dough sampled, discussions of important issues of day.
-
same daughter, later in day brings another couple of friends(20F/20+F) to walk thru home to discuss the furniture pieces I am selling as they are fledging out of thier home and need STUFF. Again, not an eye blinked, more cookies sampled(fresh from oven), losing battle of dirty dishes, Discussion of immediate concerns, none of which involved trans.
I was busy, completely confident in my partial presentation and quite frankly it is an open secret of my transitioning. Really not sure who knows any more, although I am still cautious.
My point: a year ago, would've been a hot mess. Scrambling to hide/change/forced nonchalance. Today, Ends up being not a big deal, a blip of interest (her dad is MTF trans which is starting to get difficult to disguise) and absolutely no fucks given does wonders for confidence.
Yay me! :Trans:
I know I know another dumb post by SirtrixxxAlot but this post is important because it touches on an issue some of my subscribers are having a hard time grasping with. We no longer live in an era where marriages are as simple as a wedding, have babies, the wife does house work and the man goes to work and provides. That era doesn't exist anymore and it's never coming back. This is hard for men to deal with, but in this video I explain why these ideals are dead and what men must do to adapt to the modern era. This video is relevant because its good to show those who are first getting into MGTOW. The Leave it to Beaver era....fellas let it go....
Doing the short version cuz the long version would take a library of books. Basically I grew up with shitty narcissistic parents, verbally abused, controlled, and whatnot from 3-22 years old. Bullied at school as well, had nowhere to go.
When I had my daughter I swore I would give her a perfect childhood and enough love to drown in... For the last four years(including pregnancy) everything I have done is for her. I have burnt myself away to nubs trying to accomplish this.
All while dealing with depression. Serious depression. Never been diagnosed but as of yesterday I am accepting that I can't be perfect and that I can't manage my illness myself. Being real with myself, life is so fucking hard and I just can't do these ups and downs. I can't deal with the suicidal tendencies.
The problems have been getting worse and worse lately and I'm not sure why. I left my job back in June and started the process of going back to school this fall. I survived for awhile on saving but had to buckle down and ask my supportive parents for money.
I have always done the typical gender roles; cooking, cleaning, laundry, vacuuming, grocery shopping and constantly picking up after him. So I had my finals this week and I was a little behind and I got yelled at because I wasn't laundering his clothes or cleaning up the kitchen. He said that his job was to go to work and mine was to do the house chores.
I do not benefit from him going to work everyday. All of my income is from my family, not him. He benefits from me not going to work.
He's extremely ungrateful and doesn't realize all that I do for him on a daily basis. I am constantly expected to have everything in order and he can lay 4 dishes down and never once put them in the dishwasher, two feet away.
What am I supposed to do? We've been dating nearly 4 years and he recently said, "Why do you expect for me to get you a $1,000 ring when I get nothing in return?" How can one man be so selfish?
Update: We had a major fight after I approached him and he said nothing. I got upset with the silence and shoved him. I've never been so upset with someone to make me get physical. I am ashamed and feel like a completely different person. All I wanted tonight was a congratulations/celebration for getting an A in my chemistry class. For now we'll be sleeping in separate rooms...I just don't know what to do with myself, I'm out of control.
Edit: I definitely wasn't expecting so many people to tell me to leave him. I was in a rage last night and didn't completely tell my side of this. I don't have a job and I took 2 classes this semester leaving me with all the time in the world to do shit and I didn't. I sat around the house watching Netflix and YouTube and occasionally washed dishes and did laundry. I was so mad at him for never making me feel important and I always took it out on him for the way I was feeling. I'm sorry everybody that I played up my responsibilities when in fact for the past 6 months I've been getting progressively more depressed. I have nothing to be ungrateful for, I have an amazing family and I was blessed with an amazing life. What the hell? Why do I feel this way towards him? What is wrong with me?
Thank you everyone who commented and offered up advice.
Goddamnit, husband! Just because my voice doesn't sing rainbows and sunshine doesn't mean that something is wrong. Stop fucking asking. You're looking for me to bitch about everything so you can have the "Well, I'm sorry you're stuck at home with the kids" pity party. Sometimes, when you are calling me, I have a lot of shit going on. I don't want/need to explain that 2 minutes prior your son shit himself out of a diaper and fought guerilla warfare to keep me from cleaning him while your other son tried to run over the dog with a toy and now the little one is crying because he pushed a chair over while the oldest ran away with my phone while talking to you and I haven't finished dishes let alone started dinner. Fuck!
And then, you guilt trip me because you were out of stock of a coffee grinder and I said I'll just get it tomorrow. I'm not fucking saying it's your fault. I JUST WANT MY GODDAMN COFFEE IN THE MORNING! It has nothing to do with you failing as a husband. You're not. You're just REALLY fucking annoying right now.
I bet you're also going to get pissy that you're not getting laid tonight too. Too fucking bad. You just irritated the everloving shit out of me.
Goddamn. That felt good to say.
I have cleaned the fuck out of this house every single day for the last two weeks.
I have cooked so many dinners in just the last week alone, we haven't even had a chance to get sick of the leftovers.
I have WORN MAKEUP EVERY DAY FOR THE LAST WEEK STRAIGHT. And decent clothes. And jewelry.
Oh, hold on, it gets better worse from here.
Today, for no reason at all, I decided to bake cupcakes. And then tint frosting in different colors and frost the cupcakes - but not just smear frosting on with a spatula (like I normally probably would), but I mean, like, with a piping bag and everything.
Oh, and, I even put all the dishes and cupcake supplies away when I was done.
I... I just... What has happened to me?!
Though, if it helps at all, it was boxed cake mix, and canned frosting. And I'm still drinking plenty of beer and making plenty of sarcastic comments.
Oh and a few of those days of me wearing makeup, yeah, that was just cuz I forgot to wash it off the night before, and sported the second day mascara/eyeliner look.
So, I should be fine, right?
So I first want to say a huge Thank You!!! to all of you who responded to my last post.
I have since had friends over without cleaning, got my hair cut rather than making the excuse that we can't afford it, and I shaved my legs for the first time in MONTHS. Also I have made an appointment with a therapist for this Wednesday so hopefully that goes well.
Now that I have let myself relax a little I realize I didn't enjoy doing half the things I thought I did- I was doing everything for everyone else, but nothing for myself. I hate keeping a super-mega-ocd clean house. I hate cooking dinner every fucking night because we're too poor to afford going out to eat. I hate having to constantly come up with some new nifty craft or project for my girl to make because Super Mom. I'm learning: Fuck Super Mom. She's not real.
Batmom is way better anyway. Seriously. We swoop into action and beat the bad shit down to keep our families safe and balanced. As Afred put it: "Alfred Pennyworth: Endure, Master Wayne. Take it. They'll hate you for it, but that's the point of Batman, he can be the outcast. He can make the choice that no one else can make, the right choice." We do the dirty work, the things that need to be done, whether thanked or not. WHOO!
All that being said, I have been a coaster of emotions and memories and old pain as I prepare myself for the therapy. There is so much pain... childhood trauma, four lost babies to miscarriage, etc. I keep wavering between "God just get me through today" and "God please just take me today". Please pray for me and keep me in your thoughts as I move forward and keep trying, keep struggling, keep surviving for my one beautiful little girl.
Currently listening to the Phish new album debut.
Looking for a connection with a man (preferably my age or older) who likes stoning away an afternoon to cuddling, good food, music, and the cool breeze. (Local please, ldr connection is very difficult for me.)
I love, love, love to cook, and spend lazy days tooling around the kitchen. I paint, and walk, and notice the trees where beavers have left their mark. My pumpkin roots go down early, but the shoe never fits.
I believe in spending my days with Yen, and that Bulbasaur is the best starter, and I'll throw the blue shell no matter how much I like whomever is in first place.
So let's quarantine on a Switch's island paradise, or have dinner and a movie Tuesdays through face time, or discover some other wardrobes we'd normally forget to find.
For things that matter to some.... I'm tall 5'(almost) 11", heavier set/curvy, married, mom, social/drinking tobacco/marijuana user, mostly introverted, politically progressive, and an early bird.
