I have a list of friends who love palindromes!

Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
🚨︎ report
I had to have my pet centipede put to sleep this week, after he lost 84 of his limbs.

The vet said, he was on his last legs.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Nurse: Here is the list of heart, liver and kidney donors arranged in alphabetical order.

Doctor: Thank you. It is very organ-ized.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
I have 10 pet geese,out of which 8 speak perfect English.

The last two are Portuguese.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhshi14
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the Farmer say when he saw a painting of his pet Llama?

" It's a spitting image"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RigidStifflini
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
The benefits of beer listed in bullet pints:

🍺 Beer is more nutritious than other alcoholic drinks.

🍺 Beer can help protect your heart.

🍺 Beer helps prevent kidney stones.

🍺 Beer lowers bad cholesterol.

🍺 Beer strengthens your bones.

🍺 Beer helps reduce stress.

🍺 Beer may help improve memory.

🍺 Beer helps cognitive function.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I've just made a list of the top 10 dad jokes I know. The first 9 are alright but the last one is absoutely briliant.
  1. alright
  2. alright
  3. alright
  4. alright
  5. alright
  6. alright
  7. alright
  8. alright
  9. alright
  10. absoutely briliant
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skycam3014
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I went to an exotic petting zoo with Boy George. He wasn't at all impressed with their limited range of animals.

He started pointing them out to me.

"Llama, llama, llama, llama, llama, chameleon."

++++++++++++++++++

I thought of this today while driving and smacked my wheel as I giggled. My girlfriend stared at me, bemused and confused.

I like it. I'm proud of myself.

πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zipflop
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a scandal concerning a rich engineer where the list of accusations only gets longer and longer over time?

Elongate

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thatyougoon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
A man came home from the pet shop with loads of geese.

He only went for a gander

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
No matter how many times she tried, Sherlock Holmes' wife could never convince him to grow fond of her pet duck.

He was a master of the duck shun.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/patricosuave
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs

Number 3 will shock you

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LinkRar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A tattoo artist has a guy come in and get a new mark on an expanding list of hash marks. After a few sessions the tattoo artist asks β€œWhat are you counting?”

And the guy says β€œhow many tattoos I have now”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deepsea333
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Top Dad Jokes list, some of the best ones:

One, ein, un, bat, ekab, moja, wahed, odin, yski

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ice-_-Bear
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a list of puns/bad jokes for every U.S. President reddit.com/gallery/jw48pr
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThackerOpinions
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine claims he can throw a stick 5 miles and his pet dog will retrieve it.

I think that's a bit far fetched.

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.

I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iambaney
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine was in the band mood but I had a list of 10 puns to try to cheer him up.

But No pun in ten did.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterDragonIron
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
A man in a drug trial died from a complication which dissolved his pneumogastric nerve, the coroner listed the cause of death as...

"in vivo lost vagus"

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I just made a list of my top 10 favourite Dad jokes. The first 9 are great but the last one is an absolute cracker
  1. great

  2. great

  3. great

  4. great

  5. great

  6. great

  7. great

  8. great

  9. great

  10. An absolute cracker

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
A man has three dogs

A man has three dogs. The 1st is named Max. The 2nd, named Brutus, and the third named Clarice. One day, the owner comes home to find his childhood stuffed animal in pieces on the floor, cotton strewn about everywhere. In an effort to find out who the culprit is he lines up his three dogs. Looking at them he asks the 1st, β€œMax, did you do this?” Max wagged his tail and didn’t move from his spot. The owner looks over to the third, Clarice, who has taken it upon herself to lay down for some naps. As he looks into the middle of the two, he can see a tuft of cotton escaping from his snout and exclaims: β€œPet two, Brutus?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doc_Hobb
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My uncle's wife started a pet store that specialized in one breed of dog only...

She closed due to terrier-able sales.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of pet likes hiking and democratic socialism?

Bernie’s mountain dog!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/strictlybalrogs
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I came across a list of ingredients to make plastic explosives.

I thought to myself, "Boy this looks like a real recipe for disaster!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
We grew up SO POOR I drank Nurse Pepper...

...she was an LPN.

We had a Don't Bother Checking account.

My first pet only had 3 legs, and it was a centipede.

Mom had one bra, and it was a lease.

For breakfast we ate Lieutenant Crunch.

My first spoon was monogrammed though ("1/2 TSP").

We were too poor to even say "awesome." We had to say "awefew."

We sat at the campfire and made S'Lesses.

My pillow only had one side.

Repossession was 9/10 of the law.

Five kids had to share one shoelace, and instead of toenails we grew toe staples.

Our scotch tape was scots-irish.

(I'm allowed)

My first shower came with sound effects and a lightshow.

One year Santa had to bring stockings.

The next year he filled them with nooses.

I did have a jumprope with a rattle on the end. And fangs on the other.

Other kids hunted eggs for Easter but we just died.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PM_YOUR_BLOOMERS
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
🚨︎ report
So I made this list of people ranked by their interest in paper based drawing boards.

I call it the flip charts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrowningStructure
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
[pun request] can anyone think of a pun relating to giannis antetokounmpo and rabbits/bunnies? Trying to come up with a pet name
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatemokidd
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the loudest kind of pet?

A trumpet

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JonquilXanthippe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2017
🚨︎ report
I tried giving a badger two different types of pet food, but he couldn't decide which to eat.

Apparently badgers can't be choosers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What pet does the CEO of Xerox have?

A copycat.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stgm_at
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Literally just happened: Wife completing our 2020 census reading off list of ethnicities. β€œWait... what is... Chamorro?”

Me: β€œChamorro? It’s Chursday.”

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nickfree
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
🚨︎ report
πŸš€ β€πŸŒ•Cybertruck Prototype πŸŒ• β€πŸš€

β€πŸš€πŸŒ• ‍ELON TWEET HYPE, BUT WITH LEGIT LONG TERM DEVS . πŸŒ• β€πŸš€
Strap in and get ready to launch.

This was created by a professional dev team of HOGL And BUFFTOWN (Developers of HOGL and Shield) They are dedicating their spare time to launch this as a meme project that will explode. Get in. We’re going to run this long term for listings on both CMC and Gecko.
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This is NOT a P&D. Liquidity is LOCKED, and ownership RENOUNCED.

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bscscan /token/0xf340E33aef552C836b4538BA09bBfCcd5f42fa17

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lynseahoss
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
[Pun request] Need a List of Cat Puns For US Cities and States

So far for States I have: Catifornia North and South Catolina Oklahomeow Oregato Furorida Mew York, Jersey, Hampshire, Mexico Connectikitty ​

For cities I have: Mew York Kitty Felinedelphia San Digato Mewmphis Chigato San Furanciso Indianapawlis Clawmbus​

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πŸ‘€︎ u/namtag24
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Apparently, 29% of pet owners let their pet sleep on the bed with them, so I gave it a try...

My goldfish died!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend gave me a list of things she'd like to do for her 32nd birthday

I told her there's no way we could do all that in 30 seconds.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
All of my friends have such expansive bucket lists.

But mine is a little pail into comparison.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My pet viper swallowed a sheet of window glass causing the snake severe physical discomfort.

It was a real pane in the asp.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DreadMoor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Now’s your time to shine

Hope this is okay, but I write a new joke every week on a white board at work and I’ve run out of good ones. If you feel it’s relevant, I work for a roofing/siding company. Give me your best shot. I will reply if I find one to add to my list.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LadyBratcher
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
🚨︎ report
If you want a woman to like you, you should buy her a lot of pets...

Because I read in an issue of Cosmopolitan that women love a person that can give her multiple organisms.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrSkyentist
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife insists that she deserves an extra present this Mothers' day since she is the mum of our pet dog.

What a bitch.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tinsilprincess
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
A couple expecting a baby girl made a long list of possible names for a girl child, but only one name in the event that they have a boy. They ended up having a boy.

He was named Justin Case.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
After hours of searching, I’m happy to say I tracked down my brides beloved pet dolphin...

Finally, I found my wife’s porpoise

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/campanaconqueso
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
A List of My Favorite Dad Jokes
  1. My
  2. Favorite
  3. Dad
  4. Jokes
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LucasAllenSimms
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I wrote down the names of all the people I hate on a piece of paper, but my roommate used it roll up a joint.

Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.

πŸ‘︎ 20k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I just read a list of "100 Things To Do Before You Die" and I was quite surprised that...

"Yell for help!" wasn't one of them.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2018
🚨︎ report

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