I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Do your worst!
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
A play on words.
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Or would that be too forward thinking?
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
Anmerkung
Das Sub ist vielleicht nicht der perfekte Ort für diese Frage, aber ich hoffe mal, dass ich hier bisschen mehr Feedback bekomme. Denn mein Freundeskreis ist sehr gespalten und das ganze lässt mich wirklich sehr an mir zweifeln. Ich hoffe mal der Flair ist auch richtig, ist am Ende halb Tirade halb Frage. Jedenfalls...
Die weite Vorgeschichte:
Ich (m22) bin seit etwa 12 Jahren mit einem Mädchen (W22) befreundet, nenne wir Sie mal A. Fast schon Familien-Komödien-Level; Nachbarn, gleiche Klasse, jeden Tag was unternommen, Familien zusammen im Urlaub, gleicher Freundeskreis. Entgegen der ganzen "Ihr werdet mal heiraten :)"-Kommentare unserer Eltern war das auch alles rein platonisch. Das gewagteste war mal ein Kuss auf die Stirn bei einer Party. Nach dem Abi sind wir aber in verschiedene Städte gezogen und haben uns 3 Jahre lang nicht gesehen, bis sie letzten Oktober (2020) in "meine" Stadt gezogen ist für den Master und meinte, dass wir uns ja mal wieder treffen können.
Das letzte Jahr
Eine Freundin von mir und ich haben A. relativ schnell auf Bumble bzw Tinder gefunden. Sie meinte, dass sie nur neue Freunde sucht. Fair enough. Doch das mündete schnell darin, dass wir wochenlang nicht geschrieben haben und sie mir immer für neue Freunde abgesagt hat. Ihr großzügigstes Angebot war dass ich sie auf dem Weg zu ihren Freunden begleiten könnte, also mit ihr S-Bahn fahren und das wars. Zu Partys mitgenommen hat sie mich nie. Doch diesen Juli fragt sie endlich, ob ich Lust hab was zu machen. Schnell zugesagt und noch am selben Nachmittag waren wir in einem Café, bisschen über die Schulzeit reden. Es war bisschen awkward, aber was solls, wir haben uns seit 3 Jahren nicht mehr gesehen. Da gehört das dazu.
Doch für sie war das wohl ein Problem. Sie meinte, dass ich mich verändert habe (sie auch) und sie mich anders im Kopf hatte (ich sie auch) und sich auch lieber nicht noch einmal treffen möchte. Hab ich natürlich respektiert und akzeptiert, auch wenn es super schade war, denn alten Freunden sollte man mehr als eine Chance geben. Finde ich.
Das Problem
Ich hatte A im Oktober nochmal gefragt, ob sie sich sicher sei, dass sie nichts mehr von mir hören oder machen will. Darauf meinte sie ja. Also hab ich ihre Nummer gelöscht. Für mich wirkte das ziemlich final.
Nur hat sie mich vor paar Tagen angeschrieben und gefragt ob ich was machen möchte. Auf mein "Sorry, wer ist das? Ich hab die Nummer nicht mehr 😅" kam von ihr nur "dein ernst?"
... keep reading on reddit ➡So at the beginning of this month I went on vacation with my boys to the Dominican Republic. I caught 11 bodies in 4 days. Prior to that I haven’t been on vacation since July 2020 which was the last time I was in a relationship and been with a woman. It was a toxic relationship so I decided to go ghost and get my shit together before going back into the field. My boys went to South America earlier in the year and I didn’t go because of that so I was eager to start my hobbying journey. The first day I caught 5 bodies, wasn’t planning on it but that’s just how things turned out. I just found this page last week so before I’ve been listening to my boys and the travel guys on YouTube to get hip to how hobbying works overseas so I was more than ready to go mentally. Everyone told me not to pick the first girl i liked so I didn’t and was patient. My first chick I picked I saw earlier but didn’t want to take her initially cuz I knew there were hotter chicks, only thing is is that my boys got the much hotter chicks before I did haha. Shorty was nice tho, she was like a Spanish brown skin version of Alicia keys and with a nice lil body and her ass and titties were real. Brought her back to my villa and literally fucked her the entire hour and low key upset her cuz I didn’t cum. I used a condom and smoked a lil weed before which is why I didn’t. We rented a few cars for the trip cuz there were about 10 of us so me and my boy took one of the cars to take our girls back to the strip so we could do more hunting. Ran into these three chicks that were all IG model type with the slim body and BBL. Never fucked a chick like that in real life so I was like here’s my chance. I picked the chick that had the most ridiculous body out of all of them but then my boy pulled up and told all of them just to come back to the villa. We got back to the villa and my boy started talking to them and they suggested that me fucking all three of them at once was def. Cool to do. I was like holy shit I’ve never done a threesome but now I have this chance to do a foursome with bad Ig model looking bitches. They lowered the price for all three of them and I agreed and took them up to my room. It was awesome, they each took turns letting me fuck them missionary, doggy and riding. It dawned on me tho that this is not my cup of tea cuz it’s just too many bodies for me at once, I’m more of a 1 v 1 kind of guy. I also upset these chicks cuz they couldn’t make me cum but I told them about the chic
... keep reading on reddit ➡
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
When I got home, they were still there.
I won't be doing that today!
Where ever you left it 🤷♀️🤭
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
[Removed]
There hasn't been a post all year!
You take away their little brooms
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
