Joy Farm Puns

The farmer was devastated, and in his depression all but neglected the farm, barely able to bring himself to grow and can legumes.

One day as he was aimlessly wandering the road near his fields, hungry and despondent, he came across a deer carcass, freshly hit by a car. The farmer was excited that his luck was changing, since this meant fresh(ish) meat in the first time in months. He shooed the magpies and crows away and began harvesting the deer.

Almost as soon as he had finished, there was a knock at the door. To the farmer's great surprise, his son had returned home. Though he looked quite the worse for wear, the son looked around at the farm with sadness, perhaps realizing the emotional damage he had caused.

The farmer was besides himself with joy, and told his son that tonight he would cook a great feast. The son, surprised, looked around at the fallow fields and run down house and asked, "Dad, do you have much food? What could we possibly eat for this celebratory feast."

The farmer, tears of joy in his eyes and emotion in his voice said:

"Carrion, my wayward son. There'll be peas when you are done"

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

“Well” said Jeff, “As I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

“Yes of course” replied Trevor