Johnny Olson Puns

Details are all in the headline, really. Presented by the Agnostic & Atheist Student Association (who meet every Monday and Thursday).

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[Release-Friday] - Die Releases am 28.01.2022

Einen wunderschönen guten Tag zusammen, ich begrüße Sie.
Im Nachfolgenden sind die Releases der letzten Woche (22.01.2022 - 28.01.2022) aufgelistet.

Singles

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”

“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.

Mentos

(I will see myself out)

The doctor says it terminal.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

He lost May

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.

Gender is fluid.

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

But let me give it a shot.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

Athletics (46-31) @ Giants (48-26)

First Pitch: 6:45 PM at Oracle Park

Line Score - Game Over

Box Score

It really does, I swear!

He’s the new temp.

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Amy

Put it on my bill

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

Happy birthday to Everett Scott, who was born November 19, 1892.

Did you ever wonder who had the MLB record for the longest consecutive games played streak before Lou Gehrig? It was another Yankee: Everett Scott!

Gehrig’s streak began just a month after Scott’s ended — coincidentally, when Gehrig pinch-hit for the player who had replaced Scott in the lineup when his streak ended.

Lewis Everett Scott was born in Bluffton, Indiana, and to date is the only major leaguer to graduate from Bluffton High School (Go Tigers!). Foreshadowing his long consecutive games played streak, it was reported in David L. Porter's Biographical Dictionary of American Sports: Baseball that Scott was kept home the first week of school due to measles, then had perfect attendance all the way to graduation.

Scott's quiet demeanor and solemn expression earned him the nickname "Deacon," as he always looked like he was at a church service. Deacon was a popular nickname in the late 19th and early 20th century for players who were either devout churchgoers or acted like it -- they didn't drink, fight, or curse, or at least not as much as the typical ballplayer of that raucous era. Indeed, the Deacon credited the streak to his wholesome lifestyle, saying he didn't drink much, rarely ate heavy meals, and always went to bed early -- quite the contrast to the Babe!

Scott was the epitome of the good-field, no-hit shortstop. Even relative to the Deadball Era, his bat was below average: .246/.280/.309 (69 OPS+) in 4,277 career PA. His best season offensively, by oWAR, was his rookie year: he hit .239/.286/.301 (76 OPS+, 1.8 oWAR) in 603 PA. By OPS+, it was 1920, when he hit .269/.300/.369 (79 OPS+, 1.5 oWAR) in 615 PA.

Granted, shortstop -- particularly in the Deadball Era -- was not a premiere offensive position, but Scott was not much of a hitter when we compare him to his contemporaries: Dave Bancroft (career 98 OPS+), Donie Bush (91 OPS+), Roger Peckinpaugh (87 OPS+), Rabbit Maranville (82 OPS+), Larry Kopf (78 OPS+), Doc Lavan (75 OPS+), Ivy Olson (74 OPS+), and so on.

Defense is what kept Scott in the lineup long enough to play 1,307 consecutive games. For eight straight years, 1916 to 1923, Scott

Athletics (78-67) @ Royals (66-79)

First Pitch: 11:10 AM at Kauffman Stadium

Line Score - Game Over

Box Score