John Silver Puns

... checking his balance

Pirates.

He was a battering ram.

Because as well as his left and right, he also had a boat full of privateers.

Dad: what's a Pirates favorite crime?

Me: uh ... ?

Dad: ARRRRson! What's a Pirates favorite type of socks?

Me: I don't know dad.

Dad: ARRRRgyle! What's a Pirates favorite branch of the military?

Me: rolling eyes it's the ARRRRmy.

Dad: acting confused No, it's the Navy. Why on earth would they like the army better?

Hopefully not a repost but I very clearly remember getting caught by this one and stuttering with no response.

Is this a baseball game, or a Long John Silvers?!?

Me: "Yea"

Mailman: "Then you should head down to Long John Silver's later today. They are donating all of the proceeds to a shelter for battered fish. "

My aunt's bathroom is shaped like a hallway, long and narrow. I found out when she moved into her house, her dad told her she should repaint the bathroom with silver paint. When she asked him why, he said, "Well then you could call it the Long John Silver."