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Partly cloudy throughout the day.
Around 4 to 10 degrees.
Travel
Following a broken down train earlier today at Jordanhill all lines have now reopened. Disruption is expected until 22:00 03/11.
Train services between Larkhall and Dalmuir are returning to normal but some services may still be delayed or diverted.
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The 1726 Motherwell to Dalmuir service has developed a fault at Jordanhill.
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Staff on board have managed to move the train clear of the line and we are now able to run trains in both directions although some services have been altered as a result of the failed train.
Let us help you:Please let us try and help you if you are being disrupted. At the station or on-train:* Speak to a member of staff or use the Help-point (station only).* Listen for announcements.* Information will be displayed on Customer Information Screens.Keep up to date or get in touch on your phone:Twitter: Live updates @ScotRail.WhatsApp: Contact us on WhatsApp.App: Live updates on our app. Phone: Contact Customer Relations.
Train services between Dalmuir and Motherwell are returning to normal but some services may still be delayed or diverted.
Train services between Dalmuir and Whifflet are returning to normal but some services may still be delayed or diverted.
What's On Today
Self led Workshop - Share some South Asian Games (Scotland Street School Museum)
Currently Scotland Street is the only school designed by Charles Rennie Mackintosh that is still open to the public. This guide-led tour allows visitors to choose the topics for discussion and route of their walk around the building. This is inten...
GlaswegAsians (Scotland Street School Museum)
A Colourful Heritage exhibition celebrating 150 years of South Asian and Muslim history in Glasgow. Explore the community’s contribution to the city and commemorate the 80th anniversary of World War Two by learning about the British Indian Army s...
First complete illustrated book of all 676 internationally important ship models published (Riverside Museum)
Glasgow is renowned throughout the world as a centre for shipbuilding, this reputation is reflected in the city’s internationally significant collection of ship models, which are cared for by Glasgow Museums. A new book Glasgow Museums: The Ship...
[Treasured shoe
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Do your worst!
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
A play on words.
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
And boy are my arms legs.
Or would that be too forward thinking?
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
When I got home, they were still there.
Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
I won't be doing that today!
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
There hasn't been a post all year!
Where ever you left it 🤷♀️🤭
And then shook his arm really fast.
(True story, please groan with me.)
[Removed]
You take away their little brooms
It was about a weak back.
Putting my son to bed last night and out of nowhere he says “knock knock” I say “who’s there?” Nothing… I explain the idea of a knock knock joke to him and he tries again… “knock knock” “who’s there?” “hop hop!“ he says.. I say “hop hop who?” And start dying laughing… he starts dying laughing…
.. for those that don’t know… hop hop is an owl he likes to watch on YouTube.
Kids got potential.
I think he got lucky but I genuinely started laughing so hard and he did too. Was a cute moment thought I’d share
