Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
James Pond's - A View to a Krill
VIAGRA....It won't make you James Bond....
.....but, it would make you Roger Moore.
How does James Bond order his third martini?
Shaken and a little bit slurred
What does James Bond do before he goes to bed?
Kevin James and Peter Dinklage walk into a bar
One's a heavy drinker, the other's a little drunk
Well that didn't cross my mind
You know what music James Bond likes to listen to?
So my dad just died because he needed blood and we didn’t know his blood type.
He was so brave and even tried to encourage us, the family around him, with his last breaths. He kept whispering to us to Be Positive.
Where can you buy used James Bond merch?
Kevin James Franco in his best role yet!
This morning Siri said "don't call me Shirley"
I'd accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode.
Why is St. James Gate so cold?
Because it's a bit draughty.
(Courtesy of my dad. Today. Because of my t shirt.)
I’m sorry aboot these. Please don’t kick me out of this sub or shoe me away....
MODS please remove this post if it doesn't belong on this sub
I've started a boat building business in my attic...
...sails are going through the roof.
If my son ever came out to be trans then I wouldn’t have a son anymore
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Don't know if this was posted here before
People who don’t know the difference between entomology and etymology…
Bug me in ways I cannot put into words.
People in Dubai don’t like The Flintstones.
But people in Abu Dhabi do.
I have finished childproofing my home but I didn't do a good job.
My kids are still able to get in the house.
Ah sorry i didn't read the name of the subreddit right
My son asked me today, “why didn’t the head go to prom?”
Me: “why?”
Son: “Because he had noBODY to dance with”
He’s ten and says he came up with it on his own. I’m so proud.
My favourite sport starts with a "T".
My Bluetooth speaker wasn’t working so I threw it into the lake.
Why don't you ever see elephants hiding behind trees?
Because they are good at it
Initially I didn’t believe that my chiropractor was any good.
But now I stand corrected.
what would James Bond have if he were a shopkeeper
I need someone to repair the stone wall in the front of my house, but I don’t have a lot of money.
Incidentally, Free Masons are not what they sound like.
There were 30 cows and 28 chicken. How many didn't?
I got a signed LeBron James jersey for my son.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in Roman numerals.
My wife said, “I don’t really understand the science behind human cloning.”
I said, “That makes two of us.”
What starts with W and ends with T.
It really does , I swear.
You can't do this to me. I know my rights!
Why don't vultures check bags when they fly?
They're strictly carrion birds
The T-Shirt that my Daughter got me for Father's Day is a Dad Joke about Dad Jokes
I wish I could post a picture here, but it says, "Dad Jokes are how eye roll."
It's a meta-Dad joke. I'm so proud of her!
An outdoor neighborhood cat was hiding in some bushes while I was hedge trimming. Didn't see him and clipped his tail clean off. I panicked and grabbed the cat and his tail rushing to my car and drove like a mad man to Walmart. The greeter was puzzled and asked why I brought the cat.
"Because you're the largest re-tailer in the world!"
Why shouldn't you put more than 239 beans in a soup?
Because adding just one more would make it too farty. Straight from my 7 year old daughter.
Edit: Thank you so much for the awards and upvotes. I showed my daughter how many people saw and appreciated her humor and she's extatic. I know she probably didn't come up with the joke herself but this was one of the first times she really got me with a good one and I thought I'd share it with some fellow dads and others.
Pandora’s box wasn’t actually a box.
In fact, all the trouble started because it was ajar.
Why doesn't James Bond fart in bed ?
Because, it would blow his cover.
Why doesn't James Bond fart in bed?
Because it would blow his cover
Fact: viagra won’t make you James Bond...
... but it will make you Roger Moore.
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
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