Jam And Jelly Puns

I’ve never jelly’d my finger in a door before

Nobody would name their band Pearl Jelly.

It’s jarring

You can't jelly out to your favorite tunes.

Alternative: It's impossible to be jam of how good I look.

Someone would ask me for a recommendation. Then I'd grab a jar from a shelf and say "This one right here is my jam."

I tried to open a jar of jelly time and time again, but just couldn't.
I looked at the jar, and saw it was jam-d. :D

Im giving a speech at a wedding and the bride hates the "whats the difference between jam and jelly joke". Yes, the dirty one. So i want to open with that but obviously have a clean but still funny punchline that would be wedding appropriate.

Anyone have any gkkd punchlines? Thanks

I was home alone a few hours ago and wanted to make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I apply peanut butter and then go downstairs for jelly since there's none upstairs. I grab a new jar and try to open it. However I am incredibly weak so I fail to get it open. After five to ten minutes of trying to open it, I call my mother who is out running errands.

"Mom, are you coming home soon?" "No, why?" "... I can't get this jelly jar open..." "Look in the top shelf with the silverware. There's a red plastic thing. That's a jar opener, use that." "Alright, one sec..." Jar opens "YES!!" Jumps for joy and rushes back to phone "THANK YOU SO MUCH MOM!" "No problem." "I was in a real jam." mom hangs up, sighing

Putting jelly on toast this morning and got some on me. Held it up and said, "Look. I jammed my thumb." Went over as well as I expected.

Yes, I know there's a difference between jelly and jam. I just don't care enough to waste a good joke.

My friend said he wanted the squirt gun that shoots jelly from the island of misfit toys. I told him it would probably jam a lot and asked him if it was standard issue for the US Army Preserves.

My wife couldn't open a jar of grape jelly. Our two year old didn't understand why she had to bring it to me. He was only concerned with how long it was taking to make his sandwich. I opened it, but it was pretty hard because the jelly had caked around the threads and dried in place, gluing the lid to the jar.

My wife saw our son getting impatient and told him, "Hold on kiddo, mommy couldn't open the jar, so she had to bring it to daddy. Even daddy had a hard time opening it."

At this point, my internal dad joke radar started screaming a proximity warning. The collision with a dad joke was imminent. I smiled, took half a second to bask in my dad glory, and added, "Yeah, it was jammed."

Wife groaned, but son laughed (because he saw the lid was finally open). I take whatever I can get.

When he spotted a jellyfish stuck between two rocks and, without skipping a beat, pointed and said "Looks like we have a jelly in a jam in a preserve."

So my 11 year old daughter was having trouble opening a jar of grape jelly and asked for my help. I took it and got it open after a bit of a struggle, and said...."Wow, that lid was really JAMMED on there." I got a world class eye roll out of her.

I can't jelly out to Pink Floyd!