You can't name your son jack, no one will be able to say hi to him on a plane.

Hijack

My dad literally just said this to me. Lol.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madmike6537
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2015
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I have a friend named Jack that can talk to vegetables.

Jack and the beans talk!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PinkDG
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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What do you call it when two guys named Jack are about to fight?

A Jack off

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JBdahIslandman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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I'm going to write a book about a guy named Jack who talks to his food

I'll call it "Jack and the beans talk"

...my 5 year old thought it was funny, my wife, not so much.

πŸ‘︎ 132
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πŸ‘€︎ u/schlagzeug
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2016
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Her: Do you remember the guy with a combover named Jack?

Me: Why on earth would a guy give his combover a name?

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2018
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My son can fix all your plumbing, bring your electrical up to code and handle any framing or carpentry you could imagine

His name is Jack

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Emeri5
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
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Looking for certain puns

Does anyone have some puns that include the name Jack. If so that would be brilliant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Give_me_a_slap
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2018
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My middle and last name is Chase Colby

I’m going to name my son Jack, that way he will have to fill out forms for the rest of his life saying that his name is Colby, Jack Chase.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_RedJacket
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2018
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I was a on Wheel Of Fortune, and I wrote Jack on my nametag

That's not my real name, I just wanted to make Pat say Jack.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/surebert
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2017
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Jack and the Beanstalk meets Little Red Riding Hood

This is the story of Jack and the Beanstalk, after the story ends. After chopping down the beanstalk, Jack realizes that he’s actually pretty damn good with an axe, and casual vegetative vandalism really struck his fancy, so he began chopping down other trees for a living. He became a traveling woodsman, and he enjoyed many years of his simple life of manual labor.

One day, as he chops wood, he hears screams from a nearby cottage. Hurriedly breaking in (because recall: jack has no problem with entering houses uninvited), he sees a cross dressing lycanthrope attempting to devour a little girl dressed all in red and her little grandmother too. Wielding his trusty axe, Jack murdered yet another fantasy creature, and safely led Little Red all the way back home. Answering the door was a beautiful woman of around his age. After sending Little Red to bed, the two of them talked for hours.

One thing led to another, and a year later they were married with a child on the way. They had a beautiful little boy named Jack Junior who followed in his father’s steps to become a woodsman. This was fortunate, because as Junior grew up, Jack was feeling the pain of his previous adventures. An old back injury from jumping from the beanstalk was haunting him, and over time his posture grew more and more hunched. He had a tough time working, but at least Junior was becoming a strapping young man.

One day, Jack and Junior took the long road to the grandmothers place to bring her a meal, just like that fateful trio Red took so many years ago. When they arrived, the grandmother greeted them cheerily, welcoming them in and making conversation. β€œOh Junior,” she said, β€œyou’ve grown into such a handsome and strong young man. It’s so kind of you to handle all the work so your poor father, with his bad back and all, doesn’t have to. Why don’t you have a girlfriend yet?” Junior hesitated. β€œWell Grandma,” he replied. β€œIt’s because... I’m gay”. The close-minded, set-in-her-ways grandma’s expression became stormy. She pulled poor hunched-over Jack into adjacent room, and whispered angrily: β€œJack, your life is a mess! Your posture is terrible and your son isn’t giving me any grandsons!” Jack replied: β€œMa, we’re happy, you can’t just-β€œ But she interrupted. β€œNo excuses!” She snapped. β€œYou need to straighten your lumbar, Jack!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coyoteTale
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2017
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My grandfather felt the need to explain us who exactly "Jack Schitt" is and how much we REALLY don't know him.

For some time many of us have wondered, just who is Jack Schitt?

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'

Well, thanks to my personal genealogy research efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.

Awe Schitt was married to O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, and owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition who was nick-named Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.

The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.

He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

Sincerely,

Crock O. Schitt

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JaeqPiegDeivys
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2014
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A regular brought her new puppy into work today.

Me: What's his name?

Her: His name is Jackson, I chose it because his dads name is Jack.

I just walk off laughing, It was great.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sickladbro
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2015
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Meet the Jack of all dadjokes!

I was asked to help chauffeur a carload of youth around town for a Christmas caroling activity last night. One of the names on the list was Jack, who lost his wife earlier this year. Jack is in his early 90's, stands about 5'2, and is quite possibly the king of all dad jokes.

So, the group of about 25 kids and 5 adults sneak up to his doorstep and begin singing a few short Christmas carols. Eventually, he opens the door and is thrilled to have visitors.

After we are finished singing and the kids are all running back to the vehicles to get out of the 15 degree weather, jack steps out of his doorway and on to his porch. He is wearing a light t-shirt and pajama pants... he was setting us up, and we took the bait, hook, line, and sinker.

Woman: Are you freezing?

Jack: No, I'm not freezing, I'm Jack (pause for laughter)

Jack: but if you hang on for just a minute, I can get freezing for you.

and then he just stood there smiling at us. It was precious. Come to find out, Jack is entering a retirement home in a few days because he is getting to the point that it is hard to take care of himself anymore.

Oh boy, those nurses are in for a treat once Jack gets settled in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Happyazz84
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2013
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Saw X-Men: Days of Future Past with my dad today and got one-upped on my dad joke...

Walking out of the theater I said, "All I have to say about Hugh Jackman is that his name is accurate. He was jacked, man!" My dad looks over at me, confused. He goes, "What are Hugh talking about?" Laughs were had.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_grandprize
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2014
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What do you call a rabbit named Jack?

Jack.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IMABIRD
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2014
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