After watching Zack Synder's Cut vs Joss Whedon I can say without a doubt that...

Zack was leagues ahead of Joss

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Everwars
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
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The Tells bowling adventures

Everyone knows the story about William Tell shooting an apple off his son's head but not many know that the Tell family was huge into bowling, even joined a league. Sadly, the records weren't kept safe and to this very day we have no idea for whom the Tells bowled.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/baronvb1123
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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Did you hear about the baseball player who can spot a fast food restaurant from miles away?

He leads the league in Arby eyes.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JiminyKirket
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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Hear about that superhero knock-off group that keeps ordering drinks but pour out all the liquid?

Apparently they call themselves the Just Ice League

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/KalNymeri
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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Sorry if old, one of my favorites. I'm new. Be nice.

It is a well-known fact that William Tell and some members of his family were members of a bowling league. Unfortunately all the records from back then have disappeared so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/baronvb1123
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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Whatโ€™s the Highest Level of Competition That a Semi Professional Sauerkraut Pickler Aspires To?

The Briner Leagues.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/du_bekar
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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All year, I've been telling my friends I just want to meet someone, fall in love be married by my next birthday...

which was my 40th birthday. The BIG Four Oh! As in "Oh, you're 40 and not married? What's wrong with you?"

And my friends, as awesome as they are, kept setting me up on blind dates, but I never seemed to click with any of the women. Pretty women, short women, tall women, rough women, successful women, lazy women - I dated them all and more often than not, they just weren't interested in me.

I think I probably went on twenty or so dates that never resulted in a a single follow up date.

But two months before my birthday, I started dating two women and both fledgling relationships seemed like they were going somewhere as they were getting really, really serious. I couldn't choose one, but I didn't care. I just couldn't believe they were into me. Okay, maybe they weren't the best looking, but I was so desperate for a wife, and I'm definitely no prize myself.

With a few weeks to go before my birthday, I knew I had to act if I had any hope of being married. I bought two rings and proposed to them both (on separate nights, of course) and they both said no. In fact, though they never knew of each other, I went from two good things to both of them not returning my calls. I guess proposing in a mall food court (for Jenny) or down on my knees in front of the bathroom at a minor league baseball game (Susan) were not my best laid plans, doomed to fail. Or maybe I just reeked of desperation.

So the morning of my birthday, I was practically in tears, deep in depression as I knew I missed my deadline. But my friends came though, kind of. They took me out bar hopping and then we all went back to my place where they had a stripper waiting in my favorite chair. She got up, sat me down, and gave me a grinding lap dance. She said nothing, but after a minute, stopped, turned around, looked me in the eye and said "one." Then she started up again, stopped after a minute, turned around and said "two..."

This went on all night until she got to "forty."

It's been a few months now, and I'm not too sad. My friends really tried to get me married, and after two near mrs, I guess it was the thot that counts.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/OK_Compooper
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
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Rudy Gobert should win the NBA Defensive player of the year award...

He shut the whole league down this year!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Good_Kid_Mad_City
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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Probably one of the deepest books you will ever read

20,000 Leagues Under the Sea

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TeeribleMureal
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 22 2018
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Why did Mr. Freeze want to join the Justice League?

He thought it was the Just-Ice League!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/El_Pollo_Diablo77
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
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Just got hired and I'm already *that* employee

Me: (assembling boxes) i'll watch out for that plant.

Boss: yes please do, i've had that fern since it was just a sprout.

Me: awww. they grow up so fast.

Boss: yes. it'll probably start going to college soon.

Me: think it'll go to an... ivy league?

Boss: ...

Me: ...

Boss: ...

Me: ...so yeah I'll just pack these boxes and watch out for the plant.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/winnersbitch
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 29 2014
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Why is there no aspirin in the jungle?

Because the paracetamol.

(Thank you The League of Gentlemen, Season 1 Episode 1).

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/drozzi007
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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My Dad is barely is Dad

At our bowling league today one of the lanes we were bowling on stopped working. Someone said "It looks like lane 6 is dead". So I looked at my dad and brother and said "I guess we should notify its next of pin."

All I got were sighs...

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/woodlickin
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 31 2014
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Did you hear that Superman and Batman are splitting off to form their own team?

Theyโ€™re calling themselves the Just Us League.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Mlnkoly111
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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William Tell

was a substitute on his bowling league. Every week league officials would have to ask for whom the Tell bowls.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/wmyspr
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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I want to date an very attractive woman who lives four miles away.

I guess she's out of my league.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sw337
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 12 2017
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So I saw a girl playing soccer today and I wanted to ask her out.

But she was way out of my league...

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TomCustomRc
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
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A new study found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers.

Due to a fire at the bowling leagueโ€™s headquarters, though, we will probably never know for whom the Tells bowled.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/devnodegree
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
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Every.Damn.Movie.

Sitting in the cinema when the trailers end and the light comes up for a minute before the real movie starts.

Dad: "Well, well what a nice movie, wasn't it? A little short but still..." pretends to stand up and leave

On rare occasions I have seen two dads do the pretending to leave thing at the same fucking time. It's like the universal dadjoke one has to perform at least once before entering the magic league of joking dads.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SUCCESSFUL_DUDE
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2013
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I saw a very hot girl at the pub talking about Bundesliga.

I didn't approach her. She was totally out of my league.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sodomicity
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
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Brainstorming food/movie theme nights. It es-kale-lated quickly. Only thing in my Bumble profile now.

When Harry Met Salad

What About Ke-Bob

Cumin to America

Weekend at Bearneaise II

Steakin I, II, & III

A Few Good Salmon

Youโ€™ve Got Kale

Shawshank Re-Dim Sum

Romancing the Scone

An ร‰clair to Remember

Roman Hollandaise

Glazed and Confused

Bill & Tedโ€™s Eggcellent Adventure

The Evil Bread

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Shrimp

Fondue the Right Thing

Ribeyes Wide Shut

Mignons

Plante of the Grapes

Spider Manchu

Sushis All That

A Wok to Remember

Marsala-la Land

Apocalypse Cow

Die Chard

Die Chard with a Vinaigrette

Hoganโ€™s Gyros

The Sand Latkes

A League of their Macaroni

Revenge of the Curds

Rush Sโ€™More

Braising Arizona

Demolition Ham

10 Things I hate About Ewe

Saladin

Oliver and Com-penne

Dirty Rotten Chanterelles

Sex and the Satay

The Truth About Cats & Hotdogs

Morella Enchanted

Provolone Together

Clear and Pheasant Danger

The Big Chili

Lรฉmon: The Professional

Ava-Tartare

Hocous Pocous

High Fi-Deli Meat

Madagascargot

The Fifth Elementos

Muensters Inc.

Thereโ€™s Something About Rosemary

I Am Ham

Quiche Lorraine Man

Barley & Me

Lentil Giants

Peggy Soufflรฉ Got Married

Face Stroganoff

Con Gruyรฉre

Fast Times at Porridgemont High

Bok Choys in the Hood

Papillonion

Requinoa for a Dream

Serial Cardamom

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kat_fogg
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
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Today I found out there are 8 schools in the Ivy League...

It should actually be called the VIII League

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/pm_me_your_poang
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 06 2017
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Olive Garden Fantasy Football

In a fantasy football league with some olive garden employees. Team name is Olive the TDs. Anyone have any other good team names?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/LeadKisses
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 25 2016
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Why you don't try to explain video games to fathers.

So I was having dinner with my father attempting to describe to him a bad experience I had while playing a game of League of Legends with my boyfriend. The conversation went as follows. " SO yeah, I was Evelynn a champion who can go invisible and my boyfriend told me to go back door their nexus, which is to go attack it when the team isn't there to defend it's kinda a cheep tactic, but ended up not working. Sigh" I look up at him and he replied completely straight-faced "At least you can't get pregnant that way" Needless to say I blushed profusely.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Waitingtillmarch
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 26 2013
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Got my own dad while bowling last night

My dad an I bowl in a league together, and one of the guys on team we were against last night kept getting strikes. On his 6th in a row, my dad commented "He's doing it with ease." I pointed at the scoreboard and said "Pretty sure those are Xs."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/scaryuncledevin
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 31 2015
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My son told me that weed could be the worst drug of all time.

I said "pfft, weed is bush league"

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๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 04 2018
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My dad got me good as a kid...

I was told this belonged here..

When I was about 13 yrs old, I was playing basketball at the rec league by my house. During one of the games, an opponent was fouled. So we are lined up waiting for him to shoot his foul shots, and my coach sends in a substitute player for me. So I'm jogging towards the bench. When I get about 10-15ft away from the bench, I tripped and slide head-first into the bench. The whole gym let's out an, "ooohhh....", and just as it gets quiet, my dad stands up on the other side of the gym and like an umpire in baseball yells, "SAFE!"

After the game, I yelled at him for it. His response... "Hey, I could've called you 'out!'"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/beer_knurd
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 05 2015
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Got my brother with this one just now

We were queued up to play an ARAM in league of legends when he says "I have 747 wins in ARAM"

Immediately I respond "How Boeing"

He didnt get it at first but then you just hear the deepest of sighs

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MagmaSpeck
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 10 2016
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My dad at a little league baseball game

This was a couple years ago, my dad and I were at my sister's little league game.
pitch goes by, called a ball
Parents watching game: "good eye, good eye"
My dad: "is it just me or are there a lot of Australians here today?"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/New_G0D_Flow
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 27 2016
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Help With a Teacher Team Name Pun!

My fellow high school teachers and I are joining a kickball league and we need help with a good pun themed team name. Any help is appreciated! Thanks!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JarHeadVet
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 22 2015
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I think it's time we had a frank discussion

Why are Ball Park hot dogs pricey? They're really not in the same league as Hebrew National or Oscar Meyer.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/GoogleBetaTester
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 07 2016
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A day in the major leagues

Tom Vanderbilt was this nice guy that loves to umpire the local little league games. He was good enough to make it to the major leagues. His first day umpiring behind the plate the first pitch hits the far bottom corner. Tom calls it a strike. The batter, 6'3" 275 lbs says, "you call that a strike again I'm going to pound you with this bat!" The next pitch hits the far bottom corner again. Tom calls it a ball. The catch, who is bigger than the batter turns around and yells, "you call that a ball again I'm going to pound you with this mask!" The very next pitch hits the very same spot. Tom yells, "two!" Both the batter and catcher yell, "two what?!" Tom says, "too close to call and I'm going back to the little leagues."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/197708156EQUJ5
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 02 2016
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Any League of Legends players out there?

I got into an ARAM game the other day. For those of you who do not know there are characters, or champions, you pick in the game. ARAM is a game-mode in League of Legends where the computer gives you a random character out of the 130+ champions, or so. I am not good at all the champions... not even close! So a way to balance this out the game allows you to trade champions with the other people on your team.

So in this game there is a champion called Fizz which I am not good with at all, which I randomly got... and this is what happened inside the pre-game chat:

Me: Oh shoot.

Me: Can anyone trade me?

--Someone trades me their champion--

Me: Thank you! I am so bad with this little guy that you can say I am... Fizzically challenged.

From a game lobby where I was the only one who used chat, it exploded to people typing their moaning and groaning, sensible chuckles, and hearty "LOLs".

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BearZeBubus
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 14 2014
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give a helping hand

I have very recently started training with a Men's Roller Derby team. A lot of the guys are refs in the local Women's Roller Derby league and this evening I was helping them get the track ready for the weekend.

Three of us were busy duct-taping a rope around the edge of the track when some guy came up to me and said "It look's like they've roped you in."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CollarRed
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 26 2015
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Dad joked my dad this morning

Major League Baseball fans will get this one.

We stayed at a hotel last night. This morning my dad was putting on his Craig Kimbrel t-shirt. He looked at me when I was wearing my Andrelton Simmons t-shirt.

Dad: "Sorry SigilOfStark, looks like we're twins today."

Me: "No, Dad. We're Braves."

I got a sensible chuckle from him and a well-deserved groan from my mom.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SigilOfStark
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 29 2014
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Told My Dad About The Cardinals Alleged Cheating Scandal

He said "That's Busch league!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Master_Brewer
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 16 2015
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12 year old cousin telling my Dad about her new basketball team..

Dad: "So do you only play against the local schools?" Cousin: "No, it's travel league" Dad: "Well, I prefer the leagues that make you dribble.."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JoshMcDaniels
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 09 2014
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Dad at a minor league hockey game

Dad and I walk into minor hockey league stadium. He sees the Chuck-A-Puck booth, stops me and say "if we move up to the big leagues they'll change the name to Charles-A-Puck".

My brain couldn't decide if I should laugh or just roll my eyes so I did neither and just stared blankly. It did not phase him.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/the_mastubatorium
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 14 2015
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On baseball teams

My grandpa saw my cousin wearing a White Sox t-shirt (from his little league team) and flip-flops.

"White Sox? It doesn't look like you're wearing any socks!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Kaluthir
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 06 2013
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Dad-Joked playing basketball tonight

I go play Monday night's at a church league, and the whole event is organized by this guy Rob:

Rob: Hey, did you guys hear on the radio today about that celebrity who stabbed her husband?

Us: No, who was it?

Rob: Um, what was her name. Reese...

Us: Witherspoon?!

Rob: No, with her knife

Us: ....

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Mr_Pizza_Puncher
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 07 2014
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My Uncle is a little league coach.

I was celebrating my birthday with family when this exchange occurred between my grandpa and aunt.

My Aunt: "Sorry your uncle couldn't make it to the party. He has a little league game tonight."

Grandpa: "Isn't he a bit old for little league? Hehehe!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SerJamers
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 06 2014
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League of Legends

Sitting at computer playing League of Legends

Dad: What are you doing?

Me: Playing League of Legends...

Dad: Get outta my league!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/gggggllo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 07 2014
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