Give it time, it’ll grow on you.
πŸ‘︎ 408
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πŸ‘€︎ u/venomWolf11
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
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Putting a seed in your body may sound disgusting at first,

but it grows on you.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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My wife told me that my quarantine beard is really growing on her.

What do you know, it's growing on me too.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WID_Call_IT
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, β€œConstipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said β€œNo, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, β€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, β€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. β€œTaken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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There's an onion, and he's studying law at a prestigious college. He's in his third year, and after a particularly tough day, he gets an invite from one of his onion-friends to a party they're having that evening.

Being tired and weary, the lawyer-onion isn't sure whether to go, but decides he needs cheering up.

So he dresses smartly, puts on his favorite aftershave and heads over to his friend's.

He gets to the party to find it quite a packed affair and heads over to the bar - fighting through crowds of reveller-onions - to get a drink.

As he gets to the bar, he notices in one corner a slightly out-of-place female onion.

She looks a bit sad and being the compassionate onion that he is, he heads over to talk to her.

This is quickly affirmed as a good move, as they hit it off immediately; she was abandoned by her friends shortly after arriving and had been minding her own business ever since, but over a night of drinks and talking, they quickly fall into an infatuation and soon end up spending an oniony night of passion together.

When they awake in the morning, they don't find it awkward and a steady relationship between the two is struck.

This lasts a good while, having its ups and downs like any college relationship, but eventually the day comes when they both graduate.

The two couldn't be happier!

They both get jobs close to one another and move into an apartment together.

One day, the partner-onion is anxiously awaiting the lawyer-onion at home.

She's been ill all day and checking has confirmed her suspicions.

She tearfully - and joyfully - breaks the news to the lawyer-onion; they're going to have a tiny baby-onion together.

A shallot, if you will.

A few days later, this prompts the lawyer-onion to propose to his heretofore girlfriend-onion.

They are soon wed, having a fantastic wedding-day and husband and wife-onions are on top of the world.

The day comes of the birth and no complications - a tiny, healthy baby onion is born to two proud parents.

Seeing this little bundle of oniony love in their arms causes them to fall deeper in love than ever.

Over the next few years, husband-and-wife-onions' lives are fantastic.

He's prospering at work, she's really enjoying taking some time to raise the baby-onion and over time the baby-onion grows into a hale and hearty toddler-onion, who then becomes a child-onion.

One day, the idyll of the onions' lives is shattered when tragedy strikes.

The lawyer-onion (now a partner-onion in a prestigious law firm due to chance and hard work) is at work, and mother-onion is washing dishes and watching her child play in the yard.

She glances away to take another plate and turns her vision back to

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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I was passing by my son's bedroom and was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up…

Then, I saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.

It was addressed, 'Dad'.

With the worst premonition, I opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands:

"Dear, Dad.

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.

I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy.

She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad.

She's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.

We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.

We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better.

She sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Joshua.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true.

I'm over at Jason's house.

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table.

Call when it is safe for me to come home!"

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2017
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If you don't like your new beard, just give it time...

...it will grow on you.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bluedit5
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
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The Bacon Tree

The year is 1541 and the French have just begun colonization in North America. Young Jean-Luc is in his newly crafted home when suddenly his friend Jean-Pierre bursts through his front door. 'Jean Luc!' he exclaims. 'You weel nevar believe! I 'ave 'eard word of a bacon tree!'. Jean-Luc looks confused and scoffs 'Imposseeble! You cannot grow BaycON on a tree!'. 'Come! And I weel show you ze bacon tree!'. So Jean-Luc & Jean-Pierre set off down the river, with Jean-pierre providing direction to the enigmatic 'bacon tree'. Finally, they pulled over onto a small beach that lead to a large forest. 'Stay 'ere and watch ze canoe, and I weel bring ze bacon back from ze bacon tree!' said John-Pierre. Hours go by and John-Pierre hasn't returned. As night falls, and Jean-Luc is about to enter the forest to look for his friend, he hears a rustling in the nearby brush, to which Jean-Pierre stumbles out, bloody and with arrows through his legs and arms. 'Jean-Pierre! What 'appened!!' exclaimed Jean-luc. 'Turns out it was not a bacOn tree.....it was an 'AMBUSH!!!'

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
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You might not like your haircut.

But it will grow on you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sirpeech
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
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a few jokes that will make u laugh

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it's tearable.

I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.

How does a penguin build it's house? Igloos it together.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.

Ill call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant

Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese.

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.

What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.

I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeb123xD
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

β€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, β€˜The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

β€œI’ll call you later!”- β€œPlease don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

β€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: β€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”

β€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, β€˜No, just leave it in the carton!’”

I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: β€œWow, that’s coincidental.”

I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

β€œMe: β€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: β€˜Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”

β€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

β€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it

β€œWhat’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: β€œDon’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: β€œNo, it’s a math problem.”

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeb123xD
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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Two Farms

There was two farms next to each other, separated by a long fence. The two farmers were called nick and Barry. They were both very resourceful farmers, using each and every square inch of land to grow on. Both would tend to their crops twice a day every single day, and became friends. However, both farmers were penny pinchers, and would often try and take a few extra crops from the other side of the fence, which lead to arguments. One day, Barry came out to tend his crops, but nick did not appear once. This continued for several days. Both sets of crops continued to grow, along and up the fence, eventually intertwining. Both farmers were growing wheat. After around 5 days, Barry came out and to his delight, saw nick tending to his harvest. However, this delight soon changed to frustration as he saw nick taking extra crops from his side. "Where have you been, and what do you think you're doing?" He exclaimed. "I'm taking in my wheat, and I haven't been out for a few days due to illness. I've been feeling queasy and dizzy when I stand up, with a throbbing pain in my head each time. But it's ok, they're only headaches." "Oh I don't think so mister" said Barry.

"Those are my grains!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/harryjrogers20
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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The Legend of Zorro and the Bacon Tree

So this is a bit long, sorry about that.

Zorro and his best bud the Lone Ranger were riding through the desert one day, I forget where they were heading to or where they had come from, but we can safely assume shenanigans of some kind were the driving force.

They have been travelling for most of the day and are starting to get tired. There has been a discussion about making camp for the night, but as things are they have agreed to continue riding for a while longer, till the sun starts to set. Away and off to the west the Lone Ranger spies a plant that seems to have large pink flowers that hang in strips with white stripes running the length of them.

"Zorro, what's that over there?" he asks.

Zorro turns in his saddle and raises his hand to shield his eyes from the sun. "Ah, it looks like a bacon tree, quite common in these parts. Let's ride on, there is a good place an hour from now to set up camp."

The two friends ride on and as the sun is beginning to descend the have stopped and are making camp. As Zorro begins to make a fire he says to the Lone Ranger, "You know, I quite fancy some pork. You ride back to that bacon tree and get some for supper, and I'll finish setting up camp here."

"No problem Zorro, I won't be long" replies the Ranger, jumping back into the saddle and returning the way they came.

Time passes, and the sun begins to get low in the sky. 'Odd', thinks Zorro 'he should be back by now.' Another hour passes and the shadows are growing longer. 'I might have to go investigate, it's not like him to take his time.' More time passes, and, just as Zorro has decided that he must go search for his friend in the dwindling light, he hears the sound of Silver's hooves. Looking into the gathering gloom he sees his friend riding towards him. As the Lone Ranger nears Zorro can see the Lone Ranger is injured, there are cuts and bruises and he has an arrow through his hat.

"What on earth happened, Lone Ranger? Did you make it to the Bacon tree?"

The Lone Ranger dismounts and sighs heavily.

"That weren't no Bacon tree, Zorro. That was an Hambush."

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
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A Twofer

Context: My little sister (10) was making gullible jokes, e.g. "Did you know gullible isn't in the dictionary?" or "Gullible is written on the ceiling."

I'm pretty sure this should go down in Dad Joke History:

Dad: I read a book growing up, it was called "Gullible's Travels"

Sister: What was it about?

Dad: About 200 pages.

πŸ‘︎ 956
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xanti
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2015
🚨︎ report
[MOD POST] Hunting for an additional moderator. Read and apply within.

EDIT: I am now closing applications and will make a decision in the next day or so. Thank you to everybody who applied - the general enthusiasm and support is wonderful to see.

( as this is a self post, I receive no karma - however I would appreciate it if you upvoted purely for visibility <3 )

Hey everybody,

The /r/dadjokes community is now over 85,000 subscribers strong. That's pretty great. Pretty super great.

Thus far, over the entire existence of this sub, I have been the only mod. Quietly watching, taking your feedback, removing a post here, approving another there - doing my best not to interfere too much. I'm going to be honest, it hasn't been that hard.

You lot are generally a pretty nice bunch, give or take a few of the more vocal lunatics. There isn't usually a lot of work to be done, or issues that need resolving.

That said, I'm not awake all the time. I can't lurk on Reddit all the time. I don't have all-seeing eyes.

So it's about time I gave another pair of eyes moderator status and entrusted those eyes with a duty of care.

Let's get down to the chase; here's what I'm looking for in an additional mod:

  • You live in a very different timezone to Syd, AU - GMT+10
  • You have a good sense of humour
  • You're not in this purely to grow your 'net rep
  • You're interested in being fair, and maintaining fairness
  • You maintain civility in yourself and your responses at all times
  • You have a bit of time every day to go through reports, spam, and post comments
  • You understand that your moderatorship will initially be a trial, and can be revoked at any time if you aren't being magical and rad
  • Some general CSS/subreddit formatting knowledge wouldn't go astray, but is not required

Here's what I am not looking for:

  • Strong, cemented opinions about what constitutes a dad joke and what doesn't - everybody's dad and humour is different
  • An overzealous post remover - I am not looking for an enforcer, the title moderator implies moderation
  • A(nother) dictator - it is my preference that this subreddit be gently guided, and not forcibly ruled, we let the community find itself and we listen to what they say

If you wish to apply for the title and duty of being a moderator to /r/dadjokes, simply state your case (why you should be selected, what benefits or experience you bring, etc) in a comment reply to this thread. I will then get in touch with the most worthy seeming applicants. Upvotes and downvites will not be taken int

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tali3sin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2013
🚨︎ report
I'm pretty proud of this one

A female friend of mine was talking about her new haircut and complaining that her stylist cut it too short for her liking.

Without so much as thinking out popped "Don't worry it will grow on you"....Nudge nudge wink

She decided that she's done talking to me for the day.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oconnorda
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2015
🚨︎ report
I'm disappointed in the the overuse of Dad jokes in today's society

We're a fairly advanced society, we need jokes with content that makes us think. All these easy laughs are making us dumber by the second, and we just keep rewarding them with upvotes that convince the lazy among us to keep churning out lazy jokes. Comedy is one of the only common traits things in every society and culture on this planet and we may not always agree with what is funny, it's very subjective, but no society or culture has no comedy. It's one of the most effective unifiers in all human existence. Of course it's just my two cents, but we really need to avoid cheapening it. There are 6500 spoken languages in the world and this is the most widely spoken, the least spoken languages of course being sign language. Someone once said "a world without laughter would be like a world without warmth, a dark hole in the ground filled with cold water." I know they mean well, but I think it's worse than that. There are three unwritten rules for how comedy should function in the world. We have to learn to follow them or we're doomed as a people, forever, however just like there are two butts in the word "assassin", there are two caveats to this dire situation with lessons learned from the best there is. One is the lesson we can take from Switzerland, I'm not entirely sure what makes them so good at integrating comedy into their lives, but their flag is a huge plus. The other is the lesson we can learn from farmers who know how to put what's important first, how to put in the effort into growing something, and they are always outstanding in their field. We get too caught up in standard modalities of thinking and none of us are totally all right, in fact most of us are at least close to half left. In closing, the absence of comedy when you really think about it, is fear. Fear of the ups and downs of life, much like a fear of elevators. And just like a fear of elevators, we all must take steps to avoid it. Thank you for your time.

Disappointed

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mnemonikos82
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
So a guy has a head for a son.

The man has a head for a son (Don't ask why) and the father is sad that his son can't do anything with him. He feels down and decides on his 21st birthday to take him to a bar.

He gets his son a drink and his son grow a torso, "Holy shit!" the father couldn't believe it.

He gives him more and more shots until he has a full body, The father than makes a toast for the occasion and they both take another drink, but the son disappears after drinking it.

The father looks to the bartender and asks "What happened to my son!"

The Bartender says "I don't know, but you should have stopped when he was a head."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GunnerLP
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
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My boyfriend was talking about his beard this morning....

He said, "see, it's growing on you!"

I just stared at him.

"No, silly, it's growing on YOU!"

πŸ‘︎ 623
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eforemergency
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2015
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Story time!

A baker and his wife had a child. A lovely, healthy boy. Since the wife was mad about history, she wanted to give the boy a name suitable for a man destined for great things. Jokes were made, names proposed, but in the end the decision was made - they named the boy Attila.

Attila showed great potential from an early age - he excelled at sports, grew strong, but his other capabilities were astonishing as well. He learned and went through encyclopedias like a fire through forests. Surely enough, he was bound to become a great man some day.

Apart from being an exceptional young man, he loved animals as well. He was kind and compassionate, equally cherishing all forms of life. Since his parents loved him so much, they bought him all he ever wanted - but he did not ask for much, he was never greedy.

Growing up, he has received many animals as pets - there were cats, dogs, hamsters and even exotic animals - tarantulas, snakes, scorpions, you name it.

Their home became a sort of an animal sanctuary, and Attila took care of all animals with love and passion. But, the family business was starting to suffer when his father the baker got ill.

Being the amazing young man he was, Attila stepped up and started learning secrets of the trade - he started baking like no one else.

But, since he devoted his time to the bakery, the animals were starting to be neglected. He tried feeding them, petting them, but nothing helped.

Slowly, one by one the animals passed away leaving behind only the most resistant ones - the snake and a few spiders.

The spiders were easy to take care of, but the snake wouldn't eat, no matter what. Saddened, Attila came to his mother and asked for advice as he was all out of ideas. Of course, being the caring mother she always was, she passed on her knowledge to Attila:

"This anaconda don't want none, unless you got buns, Hun."

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeviantClam
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2016
🚨︎ report
I Dad joked my roommates mother

Firstly, I am no Dad sorry. But here goes.

I was sitting on the couch watching TV and my roommates mother comes in. Since it was November I had a decent mustache grown.

She said, "Hey soooeasyjoe that mustache really suits you. Are you going to shave it afterwards?"

I responded, "I'm not sure, originally I did not like it, but its growing on me."

πŸ‘︎ 546
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πŸ‘€︎ u/soooeasyjoe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2013
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I just got a haircut.

Someone asked me: "Do you like it?"

I replied, "It'll just have to grow on me."

edit: I meant to say that I had a haircut. Thanks to /u/fluffenstein for getting me out of that hairy situation.

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordKebab
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2015
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I'm growing my hair long for the first time ever and my wife HATES it...

so yesterday I asked her...

Me:"Is my hair growing on you at all?"

Her:"No"

Me:"Well it sure is growing on me"

I got the biggest eye roll in quite awhile.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndrewGene
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2018
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I've just returned home, disappointed with my new haircut

Dad: "It'll grow on you"

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/csbndg
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2017
🚨︎ report
Made my wife cringe over the latest dad joke

(she's working on a project that involves a fake plastic fish)

me: Isn't it weird that you don't see obese fish?

her: Yeah but that's because they just keep growing bigger.

me: Oh, I thought it was because they all have scales

πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mattreyu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2015
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My girlfriend got me real good

Gf: Do you like my haircut? Me: It's definitely growing on me GF: It's growing on me too!

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raws98
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2016
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I asked my wife how she liked my longer hair.

Her - "I like it but what do you think?"

Me - "I'm not sure but it's growing on me."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/grnxnhm
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2018
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My wife took our daughter for her first haircut and it didn't go as planned...

I came home from work and my wife pointed upstairs.

I just knew that our daughter had locked herself in her room and was crying her eyes out.

I knocked softly on the door and said, "Honey? Are you ok?"

She whimpered, "Daddy! I hate my haircut!"

I replied, β€œDon’t worry, it’ll grow on you.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2017
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Cock and sperm joke for kids

(This joke just deserved a more catchy title, sorry for the mess.)

Every Tuesday growing up, we had German sausages and sauerkraut for dinner - my dad's favorite. Since I can remember, my dad has told this joke and never misses a chance telling it till this day:

"You know kids, it's not the sausage that makes you fat, it's the sauce!"

Both my younger sister and l looked at eachother, rolled our eyes and thought - why is he telling this joke every single time.. it doesnt make sense! There is no sauce here! Only fried sausages, sauerkraut and potatoes. In fact, where is the goddamn sauce, we could need it. This dish is dry as shit! My poor mom shrugged her shoulders, seemingly just as confused.

When i was about 11-12, I caught up on my dad's hinting and eye contact after the punch line.. he wanted me to get the joke so bad at this point lol. I had a moment, as they say. Oh... OOHH. BOOM. Omg the "SAUCE"!! From the sausage.. makes some people fat.. as in pregnant.. Mind. Blown.

My sister, around 8 at that time, had a few hundred more sausage dinners to "ketchup" ;) I'm not doing so bad myself, 'ey?

Edit: For the slow people out there, this joke is about sausage=penis, sauce=sperm and getting fat=pregnant. Did you have your moment too?? Admittingly, the joke works better in my native language, but you get the idea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeathrowHappymeal
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2015
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My gf wasn't ready

So my gf got a haircut today and texted me about it. She was not ready for the following exchange.

gf: I don't know if I like my hair.

Me: Well I'm sure it'll...grow on you.

gf: That sounds like a dadjoke lol.

Me: But your dad didn't tell it!

gf: You're ridiculous

Me: No, I'm Freddie3.

She said I made her giggle so it was worth it.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freddie3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2015
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My dad is a man of very few words

...but whenever he does say something, it's usually good. So this happened during a post-dinner talk around the table.

Background: My sister used to run track at college level and currently works with the elderly. She's also lactose intolerant.

Sister: "Since the medication Alzheimer patients take usually causes constipation, if I grow old and get Alzheimers, don't waste money on laxatives, just give me some milk."

Dad: "That'll get you running again."

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kuebic
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2016
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I've been growing my beard out...

My friend: Im not used to seeing you with a beard! I don't know if I like it...

Me: Yea Im not use to it either..... But it's growing on me!!

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/j_ohhhhh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2014
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A love story

There was a little boy who absolutely loved tractors, so for his 3rd birthday, his father bought him a little toy one. The boy thought this was the best toy he had ever gotten, and ignored all his other gifts to focus on the tractor, pushing it around the lounge whenever he got the chance, making tractor noises etc.

As the boy grows a little bit older, he comes to his 10th birthday, when his dad says "Alright son, you're a little older now, so here you go" before giving him a push-along ride-on tractor for their backyard. The boy thinks this is even better than his now quite old toy tractor, and is taking days off school and everything just to ride around the house and neighbourhood on his push-along tractor.

He gets a little older again, and lo and behold, it's now his 18th birthday. His dad comes up to him during the party and says "Ok son, you're a man now, so here you go" before unveiling a fully functional tractor for his son. "Wow, thanks Dad, this is amazing!" says the son, before taking it for a quick test drive. The tractor becomes his main transport, as he goes to the grocery store and just generally cruises in his brand new tractor.

He decides to take the tractor on it's first proper outing, and goes into the middle of nowhere, with no cell service or house to be seen for miles, and the tractor of course breaks down. It takes him a while to get in touch with AAA and his Dad to come and help him out, so he decides after that experience that maybe it would be a better idea to invest in a car than a tractor after all.

Lo and behold, a few years later, the now adult son is driving down the same road in his new car, although there's now a house there that is engulfed in flames! A lady comes out, screaming "Help! Help! Call 911, my baby is trapped inside!" The man simply stops and says "It's ok, mam, I've got this." He takes in a massive gulp of air, and the entire fire just disappears! The lady says "Wow, that's amazing! How did you do that?!" before the man responds with "Well, you see mam, I'm an ex tractor fan."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PatchyJosh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2016
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Stinky Feet

As I was growing up, my Dad always called Parmesan cheese "stinky feet." I think maybe because it smells like feet? I've never been sure. I know now that this was a joke my dad made up long before I was born and it kind of just stuck. At the dinner table it was always referred to as "stinky feet" and my six year old self didn't know any better.

Cut to my very first sleep-over and my friend's family had spaghetti for dinner. There was no Parmesan cheese on the table, so I asked "do you guys have stinky feet?"

I wonder if my Dad was just doing the long troll.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/therealbreffix
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2013
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Kid in class realizes caught in a dad joke for years.

I am currently in a intercultural communication class in college. Because its the beginning of the semester we always have to do some goofy activity and because the class is about culture everyone would tell something interesting about theirs. So this little Asian kid in class starts talking about customs growing up. He says how when he was little he remembers his father farting, and his dad asking why he is not clapping "in this culture you clap after your father farts." The whole time hes telling this I am thinking...no way...this dad is a savage. I kind of got a feeling he was starting to pick up on it, he started talking slow and thinking about it. Long story short: he clapped after his dad farted presumably for years, practicing their culture. What do you think?

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/redguypubes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2015
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Dad's still got it

Went to go visit my family this weekend

Ohh_no's dad: Growing a beard huh?

Ohh_no: Yeah I don't know how I feel about it yet.

Ohh_no's dad: eh it grows on you!

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ohh_No
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2014
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Growing a Beard

I started growing out my beard again and asked my SO her opinion.

Me: Is my Beard starting to grow on you?

SO: No

Me: You wanna know why? Because its growing on me.

Queue face-palm by SO while out at dinner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/service_my_zza
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2014
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All the dads who are just trying out a new beard and think they don't look good with it, do not worry

It will grow on you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/doktorstrange7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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I have a good joke about plants

It sounds terrible at first but after a while it starts to grow on you.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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If you get a haircut you don't like, don't worry about it.

Soon enough it'll grow on you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thunderguy3738
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
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I told my husband I hate my haircut.

He replied "Don't worry, it'll grow on you."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andyadderall
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2015
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Pulled this one off at work yesterday.

I got a haircut about a week ago and yesterday at work a coworker said:

"You know, at first I wasn't sure about your new haircut, but it's growing on me."

Me: "Well actually, it's growing on me."

πŸ‘︎ 121
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2014
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I was really hesitant about this haircut at first...

But I'm starting to like it you know. It's really growing on me.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaximusCenturai
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2016
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