I've started a boat building business in my attic...

...sails are going through the roof.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xholdsteadyx
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I have an irrational fear of over-designed buildings.

It's a complex complex complex.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NosebleedSuicide
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the uprising at the international space station?

it was a revolution around the whole planet.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IGotSkills
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
🚨︎ report
If you are on the first floor of a building, and someone one the second floor is being arrested, are you...

Under arrest?

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ghostgoat789
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
🚨︎ report
I have been diagnosed with a rare condition that makes me think I'm an airport building.

I hope it's not terminal.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings?

Any dog... buildings can’t jump

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KoalaTeaNip
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Why should Australians be banned from international chess tournaments?

Cos they keep saying "check, mate"

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xiaodaireddit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
🚨︎ report
If you need to build an ark

I Noah guy

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/superuglypotate
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Took me a while
πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rajeevist
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a building full of guitarists?

Jail.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pitmule
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
🚨︎ report
What can jump higher, the empire state building or a kangaroo

The kangaroo cause the empire state building can't jump

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nobody492
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Last year i went to paris and tried to climb the tallest building

But eiffel off

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dhruv572
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
How does an Eskimo build his house ?

Igloos it together.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I’ve been building play structures for kids in my spare time...

It’s my slide hustle.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bamboo-harvester
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I've been building a lot of LEGO sets with my kids lately.

I'm happy to say I've been having an AFOL time!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/logansworth
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti.

You should've seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.

πŸ‘︎ 72
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Human1223
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
🚨︎ report
They're building a mirror factory in my town.

I could definitely see myself working there.

πŸ‘︎ 320
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/noapostrophe555
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
So...I started building something....

Anticipation

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Akuma254
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
My son asked me where the tallest building in town was...

I said, "Its the library! It has thousands of stories!"

πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I started volunteering for an organization that builds housing for large sea creatures.

It's called Habitat for Huge Manatees.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/earth_humanoid
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
I love a good build up
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/creepinonthenet13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does the norway navy have bar codes on the sides of its ships.

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian.

πŸ‘︎ 495
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/worthrone11160606
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
What is the most polite building in Italy?

The Leaning Tower of PLEASE-ah!

(Courtesy of my 7-year old daughter just a few minutes ago.)

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NauticalPants
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I ordered a build-your-own pet online today.

It's called a Kit-Cat.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fireburner80
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
🚨︎ report
My computer wants to build a snowman.

It's frozen.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Since it's International Women's Day, I'd like to point out some inequality: If my wife wears nothing but one of my t-shirts it's cute, but if I wear nothing but one of her t-shirts...

...I have to leave Home Depot.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mkrjoe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I bought a new-build house!

When I walked in the place was great, everything was perfect apart from the kitchen. There were gas mains but no cooker! Work surfaces and water pipes, but no sink; empty plugs and spaces for where the fridge and freezer should sit.

When I bought the house I was told it was fully furnished! Furious, I called up intending to give whomever answered an earful.

I was told that everything should be arriving individually, and the house is being used as an experiment for completely autonomous, self thinking kitchen appliances!

Before I could reply there was a knock on the door. I opened it and a stove strolled in, tilted forward in a bow, slid past me and set itself into its spot! Even attaching itself to the gas mains!

Later that day another knock at the door signalled the arrival of the fridge and freezer.(who had travelled together) They bowed and sat themselves perfectly in place in my new kitchen. I was beaming!

That evening I was explaining to my wife how the appliances had arrived, when came another knock at the door. β€œThis technology is going to change the world, I swear it!” I told her. β€œCan you answer the door? I’ve been on my feet all day”

β€œYeah,” she replied, less enthusiastic than I,β€œbut it’ll get to a point when humans are completely inferior.” She explained β€œWhen these machines develop such sentience, what’s stopping them from overthrowing us?” β€œTreating us as slaves, like we to them now?” She asked, distraught at theses ideas.

Knock knock

β€œIt’s best not to worry about these things,” I said in an attempt to alleviate her fears.

β€œThere are people- professionals developing contingencies for any possible future robot uprising!” β€œThat future you’re frightened about is purely science fiction right now, and the way our collective knowledge and application of technology has advanced, (Even in the past 50 years!) our own scientists and engineers will be able to crush any worries we may have when the time comes.” I explained.

She sighed, agreeing somewhat reluctantly. β€œDon’t think on it now, have some faith!” I told her.

Knock knock

β€œNow let that sink in!”

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/olemonheado
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm going to start a yacht building business in my attic

Sails should go through the roof

πŸ‘︎ 194
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joelthomastr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
How much land do you need to build a house?

A whole lot

Edit: The original punchline was β€œa lot” but β€œa whole lot” is way better.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/koNekterr
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Dress code
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hwhouston517
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going to smoke a cigar on International Women’s Day

I had a cigarette instead

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bhackert
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
On which side of the earth should you build a house?

On the outside

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/martianrome
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did they build the university on a mountain?

It was a place of higher learning.

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperGrandPatzer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the internal temperature of a taunton?

Lukewarm

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
Have you heard the joke about the capital building?

It's a riot

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cbt711
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning

It's a girl and weighs 7lbs 12 oz.

πŸ‘︎ 40k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StuntsMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
The power went out when I got my COVID vaccine, and I got lost in the building.

It was a shot in the dark, but I found it!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/meltingavocado
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the tallest building in the world?

The library because it has the most stories.

πŸ‘︎ 227
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Why does the Norwegian Navy put bar codes on the sides of their ships?

So when they get back to port they can Scandinavian!

πŸ‘︎ 93
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
How does a penguin build a house ?

He igloos it together ..

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/619fool
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Started a boat building business in my attic.

The sales are going through the roof!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/weealrfc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
How does a penguin build its house

igloos it together

πŸ‘︎ 116
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Wanna build an ark?

I Noah guy.

πŸ‘︎ 98
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skarloey17
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I told my wife I was going to build a car out of spaghetti

Should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I heard a kangaroo can jump higher than the Empire State building.

Actually, they all can. Buildings don't jump at all.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.