Inez Andrews - Letter To Jesus youtube.com/watch?v=S_30P…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ontarious
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
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She seems to be having a field day out there.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fedamasavasol
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
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(Warning: Morbid dad joke) True Story -- My family were planning my mum's funeral. We always try to keep things light and try to stay positive, just as Mum would have it...

The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.

Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.

The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:

"What's sarong with that?"

I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).

His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.

--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)

--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zipflop
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
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If my son ever came out to be trans then I wouldn’t have a son anymore

I would have a daughter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Captbeauner
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
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Did you know that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same thing?

Because 10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too..

Edit: thank you for awards, I have never gotten one before. I apologize that this is a repost, I did see it on TikTok and thought that it was cute and wanted to share. In the future I will check the sub for similar content before I post anything.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lewzerman
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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The Communist ....Party
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saxonez
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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Ah yes, pretty hip
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πŸ‘€︎ u/entertainer011
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
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Dis-a-
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πŸ‘€︎ u/krismoff
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
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Such a pointless conversation.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/david_pridson
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
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What is the fastest growing city in the world?

Capital of Ireland

It's Dublin everyday

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeaPanties
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
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Don't know if this was posted here before
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πŸ‘€︎ u/choclite69
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
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What the fuck has happened to this sub!?

http://m.imgur.com/ImM3RWz

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FwootHotCaacon
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
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Bill and Melinda Gates got divorced. Melinda got the house...

But Bill kept the Windows

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScubaPride
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
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From my 5-year-old son: "Hey"

True story; it even happened last night. My 5-year-old son walks up behind me and out of the blue says, "hey."

I turn to him and say, "yeah, kiddo? What's up?"

He responds, "it's dead grass."

I'm really confused and trying to figure out what's wrong and what he wants from me. "What? There's dead grass? What's wrong with that?"

.

.

.

He says, totally straight-faced, "hay is dead grass," and runs off.

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πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
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So we all know that you find H2O inside a fire hydrant, but what do you find on the outside of a fire hydrant?

K9P

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyNameIsVoodoo
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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If you slap Dwayne Johnsons butt

You officially hit rock bottom

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joeytherealking
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
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Bit coin or something idk
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πŸ‘€︎ u/naughtyballsack
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
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There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world.

And then you will all be sorry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
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What rhymes with orange.

No it doesn't.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Remo1975
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
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My Bluetooth speaker wasn’t working so I threw it into the lake.

Now it’s syncing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
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Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?

Because he wanted space

Edit: Thank you for the awards.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shaa_virus
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
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In surgery my doctor said, "So what do we have here?" I replied that I broke my arm in 12 places."

He replied, "Well, stop going to those places then!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
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To the person who stole my MS Office License.

I will find you. You have my Word.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Regclusive
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
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I told my wife I saw a deer on the way to work.

She said how do you know he was headed to work?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
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Water pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/duckykitty7
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
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This st or that st?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/supdawggg00
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
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In honor of Mother’s Day, I’d just like to say,

β€œthank you for your cervix.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rusto_Dusto
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
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I've started a boat building business in my attic...

...sails are going through the roof.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xholdsteadyx
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
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He is right there...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jointly_epic
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
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I got banned from /r/DadJokes for posting, "Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms!"

Mods said I'm a cereal reposter...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
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I told my dad that home births have skyrocketed since corona; he was confused.

He thought homes were built, not born.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SomeoriginalAlias
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
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Initially I didn’t believe that my chiropractor was any good.

But now I stand corrected.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
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What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?

A taxi

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SubstantialBelly6
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
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*Triggering britishers*
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πŸ‘€︎ u/potato_patataa
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
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Guys, today was my first day in the navy and I felt so lost!

Wait. Sorry, wrong sub.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nikolai_G
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
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And on that note
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcastic_gooner
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
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My whole life I thought Chewbacca was an Ewok....

Wookie mistake.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
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I'm so proud. My 12-year old told this joke during dinner: What degree does Dr. Pepper have?

Theoretical Fizz-ics

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
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Why is Dark spelled with a β€˜K’ and not a β€˜C’?

Because you can’t β€˜C’ in the dark

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πŸ‘€︎ u/streety22
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
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originally posted on r/tumblr by u/MaetelofLaMetal
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
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Knight Knight
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shevelled
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
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He gave the toy horses a home in his ___
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πŸ‘€︎ u/7keletor
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
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It is
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πŸ‘€︎ u/egyptiancowboy05
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
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My Dad just sent me this
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πŸ‘€︎ u/metroracerUK
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
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My grandfather was always terrible until I had my first child

Now he’s a great grandfather

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ErnestEugeneBoggs
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
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My wife said, β€œI don’t really understand the science behind human cloning.”

I said, β€œThat makes two of us.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
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I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...

so I had to ground him.

He's doing better currently.

And conducting himself properly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/XIIXOO
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
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There were 30 cows and 28 chicken. How many didn't?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rozen007
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
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This one cracked me
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WetSoggyTaco
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
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A man walks in to a bar with a piece of asphalt

The man says to the bartender β€œ1 for me, and 1 for the road”

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πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
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