Imgur Bad Puns

But it was only temporary.

(I see that image posts aren't allowed in this sub but gosh darn it, I earned this one. I throw myself on your mercy, mods.)
(Edit: Amazing, thank you for the silver, gold, and the platinum reward of Reddit: long self referential chains of bad jokes.)

http://imgur.com/9M4dGnO

My dad is notoriously bad with electronics. I have no idea how he did this but nonetheless, it made me sigh.

It's either pictures of birds or things like these:

"Did you hear about the hipster who burnt his tongue? He ate pizza way before it was cool!"

"I heard they found that girl Amber who was missing." (There was an Amber alert in MD that day)

"Know what happens when you take "the" out of psychotherapist."

"If life gives you melons, You might be dyslexic."

"Six more weeks of winter isn't so bad when you consider the official first day of spring is seven weeks away."

"At first, I hated the speed bump they put in my front street... But I'm slowly getting over it."

"Why is it impossible for a horse to major in philosophy? You can't put DeCartes before the horse!"

"Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank gourmet coffee before it was cool."

"Q. How many Surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. Fish"

"I was going to take all of my old watches and hook them together to make a belt... But then I realized that would be a waist of time."

"Why all the fuss about the Redskins changing their name.

Just change the mascot to a Potato.

Then it's not only un-offensive but delicious."

"I think the NSA is spying on me. They're leavesdropping in my yard."

Bonus picture status

So, I realize this isn't entirely in the spirit of dad jokes, but I think you all will get a groan or three in the end...

Basically, my dad is the epitome of /r/dadjokes. He is a walking talking dadjoke. So, it was quite the shock to our family when we recently found out that he has stage 4 Cholangiocarcinoma (the Bad Luck Brian of cancers.) and doesn't have much longer to live. Anyhow, his favorite image on the internet is of a dead deer on the side of the road with a "Get well soon" balloon tied to its leg. It cracks him up. Tickles him pink in fact...so, being the morbid family we are, that lead to this...

http://imgur.com/h2cCZQq

He might be dying, but I still call him dad, and he is still quick with a joke. As you can see his sense of humor hasn't gone anywhere. Our family's sense of humor is what gets us all through. I believe my favorite bad joke through all of this was his buddy who said, "Frank, that is the worst spray tan I've ever seen in my life." (You see, the cancer is shutting down his liver and he appears yellow from jaundice.)

I'm not looking for any sympathy here, dad's die all the time. That's a tough fact of life. I just wanted to spread a fine dadjoke.

Thanks for reading.

Girlfriend woke up this morning and threw up and is cramping badly, so she took pregnancy test. I've had kids, been through this before, but it came out negative. Her roommate had been joking about my gf being preggo before she left to get breakfast, so my wonderful woman hit her with this one:

https://i.imgur.com/DCFyfQv.png

What's Forrest Gump's password?

-oneFORRESTone

What's red and bad for your teeth?

-A brick

What do you call a bagel that can fly?

-A plane bagel

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

-Close...A carrot

And also all of these.

I, of course, drew a Picchu of Machu.

http://i.imgur.com/jAeLO3L.jpg

I'm either going to get a really good grade, or a really bad grade.

"Oh my God how bad?!" I asked

He said "berry bad!" and laughed his ass off.

His name starts with T, his wife's with S.

T: I'm done with this, do you want the rest?

S: Will you put it in the fridge for me?

T: I'm afraid it will go flat.

S: Well, just try it.

(Fridge opens, clinking noise)

T: Oh! Nope, it stayed round!

BONUS: he just sent me this picture.

It's really too bad he's not gonna have kids to inflict this on.

The other day he wanted to ask me a math question, "Let's say a lightning bolt strikes a mile long metal train at the very back end. How long until it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he is a good conductor?" He sat there with his mouth open and a bad joke eel smile, waiting for me to laugh.

Sorry for the bad picture, there was so much going on.

http://imgur.com/zmMhIO2

So i get downstairs around 06:45AM this morning. Dad's standing in the kitchen, fidgeting around with something. Mind you, he had been sick the past week or so. Dad: "G'morning. How are you?" Me: "Not too shabby, you?" I prepare my breakfast as he responds "Eh, I'm too smart." I wonder if I understood what he was saying correctly, so i ask him to repeat what he said, and he goes "I'm too smart." once again. I keep thinking to myself "WTF man?" He then turns around with a package of these in his hand: http://imgur.com/OMXu5r9 "I have to take retard pills." I give him the classical "really dad" look, after which he said "That was [morally] bad, don't tell anyone."

Jokes on you dad.

Subject: Finally

"Starting to get a bit warmer in (Hometown.) All of January, it has been snow, wind, below zero temperatures, wind chills of minus 40. (His Wife) does nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. Couple of times the weather was so bad I had to let her in."

http://i.imgur.com/fDEnAdM.png

He never sausage a bad joke.

Me: "Gonna take a day. Feel like shit." Boss: "Where you taking it? Don't feel that bad about it."

Bonus photo proof!

My dad is getting a hip replacement in May. We were texting about it. This is our conversation: http://imgur.com/wucx6tO

It took me a second to get it. IT'S SO BAD

http://imgur.com/UiODJRb

He posted a photo on his Facebook of the semen-based recipe book and made some really bad semen puns and so did all of his friends.

Honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I shared a story about a new supernova on facebook. Then my Dad and some others chimed in with this.

Here's the supernova story if you're interested: New Supernova in M82

http://imgur.com/amGsLTD Hi, Bad.

My dad is a huge Breaking Bad fan (as am I), and today he sent me the following email including a picture of himself:

>Thought you'd like this pic in honor of all the greetings that fly around on this holiday.

>My caption:

>"He has ricin."

The attached picture.

Took me a solid minute to get it, then the groans ensued.

The post (blacked out my college's name for the sake of secrecy)

The story: Night before college graduation = wayyyyy too much champagne. And let's just say that the hedges were in as bad of a shape as I was the next day.

Felt nostalgic and shared the photo on FB. He's probably been planning this joke for the last ten months.