20 Hilarious If I Know Me Puns

I admit it’s a repost, but this pun is just a sin... Please let me know if you get it!!!

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📅︎ Feb 12 2021

Today, my dad asked me if I could help him build his paver patio. He said if I couldn’t help, he would ask an Irish guy he knows.

Patty O’Paver.

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👤︎ u/zedhead0628

📅︎ Jul 12 2020

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Darlings you got to let me know. Should I shave or should I grow? If I shave there could be stubble, and if I grow it could be double. So c’mon and let me know ohhhh..

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👤︎ u/Slomaroma

📅︎ Mar 13 2019

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Looking up at the calendar today, my son asked me, "If April showers bring may flowers, what do may flowers bring?" I answered, "I don't know, what?"

He laughed and shouted, "Pilgrims!"

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👤︎ u/madazzahatter

📅︎ May 01 2020

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A drummer I know asked me if I wanted to sing in his band.

I told him he could count me in.

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👤︎ u/mrgeekXD

📅︎ Dec 05 2019

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I don't know if it's just me or the new decorations, but every time I go to the bathroom...

I lose my shit.

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👤︎ u/BlueBasketBall

📅︎ Dec 11 2019

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My son asked me if I know how to spell "fly".

I replied: WINDGARDIUM LEVIOSA

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👤︎ u/MrImpartial

📅︎ Nov 05 2019

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I don’t know if this a pun or not, but it made me chuckle

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👤︎ u/Watersbekokers

📅︎ Mar 04 2019

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Someone just asked me if I know the town crier

I said, "No, but he rings a bell"

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👤︎ u/GaryTheKnight

📅︎ Sep 30 2019

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People often ask me if I know my Civil War era historical figures....

My response is usually "General Lee"

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👤︎ u/doublegoldendragon

📅︎ Sep 16 2019

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My dad said he'd disown me if I didn't know a twelve letter synonym for "obstructive".

That's unreasonable.

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👤︎ u/TommehBoi

📅︎ Jul 31 2019

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If my parents ever change genders, I want them to let me know.

I just want them to be transparent with me.

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👤︎ u/JoeKingPoe

📅︎ Aug 12 2019

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So I was scrambling some eggs this morning and if you know me, I like my eggs real scrambled. So I was going at these eggs hard, using all of my muscle to whisk these bad boys, when suddenly my arm goes numb and I passed out.

I guess you could say I “over-eggxerted” myself.

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👤︎ u/KekMudkip

📅︎ Jan 14 2019

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If you were to ask me if I knew any jokes about sodium, do you know what I would say?

Na

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👤︎ u/norrisrw

📅︎ Feb 19 2019

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My friends son asked me if I know how to speak lizard

I told him “I don’t. But i guana learn someday”

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👤︎ u/nakedurlrobot

📅︎ Jan 15 2019

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I don't know if this is just me, or not, but I get this weird feeling from driving.

It's like it's not quite fun, but it's not quite scary either. I guess you could say it's neutral.

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👤︎ u/Sop_hie15

📅︎ Jul 18 2019

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I asked a friend if he thought he could kill me. He said, "I don't know, I guess I could take a stab at it"

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👤︎ u/shagminer

📅︎ Jul 22 2018

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Me: Every time I drive by cows I always honk to see if they will turn and look. Dad: You want to know why they don't respond? Me: why? Dad: Because their horns don't work.

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👤︎ u/tsteinhause

📅︎ Jan 03 2015

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I don't know if my grandmother got me or herself.

(Showing her the cookbook I made my fiance. Her camera was not on)

"Here is the cookbook I made for mrs. Peabo721 to be"

"Wow Peabo721, that looks awesome!"

"Why thank you grandma"

"You are welcome! This is my favorite dessert cookbook"

"I can't see you right now grandma"

"I know, I'm holding a cookbook in front of me. long pause Nevermind"

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👤︎ u/Peabo721

📅︎ Nov 10 2014

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Don't know if this is a "dad joke" but my dad told it to me and I thought it was hilarious.

A family of 3 moles were walking around in a tunnel. The tunnel was dark causing the dad to run into a wall. Then the mom ran into the dad and the baby mole ran into the mom. The dad sniffs the air and says "I smell pancakes." Then the mom says, "I smell syrup" then the baby says "I smell molasses"

My mom sighed and my dad was in tears from laughing so hard.

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👤︎ u/Merryklumklum

📅︎ May 08 2014

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