What do you call a death pact between a famous dog, a cartoon reporter, and an ice planet snow lizard?

A Rin Tin Tin Tintin teen tauntaun tontine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dumpy_shabadoo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2022
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"Look!" I said to my husband. "The melting snow and ice looks like a giant slushee"

He ran to the window and said "Icee!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MemphisGirl7
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2022
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My friend John Snow asked me to help break the ice with him and a girl...

So I punched him in the face.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mean-Mango-7125
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2021
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A man & his wife were taking a winter stroll & admiring the trees that were glistening white with ice & snow. A stranger walked past them and said, β€œBeautiful hoar-frost!”

The man replied, β€œWhy thank you kind sir, but my name’s not Frost.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uncle_Bug_Music
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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There has to be a better way to get the Ice crusts off of my car windows after it snows!

Right now, I'm using this old plastic discount card, so, of course, i'm only getting 15% off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Charty2006
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2023
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Love at frost bite ❀
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2021
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JUSTICE
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πŸ‘€︎ u/silentkiller4233
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
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I am sick of my friend’s nonstop puns about The Abominable Snowman.

Yeti still insists on doing it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
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What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?

Frosted tips.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/N64GC
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2015
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Son: Dad, how do you catch a polar bear?

Well first you cut a hole in the ice. Next you place snow peas all along the rim of the hole. Finally, when the polar bear comes up to take a pee, you sneek up behind and kick em in the icehole!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thedutchabides
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
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Two buddies decide to go ice-fishing one day.

So they get their parkas and snow boots, fishing rods and ice auger, and everything else they need, and go out to find a good spot.

Just as they start to drill a hole in the ice, they hear a great booming voice from above: "There are no fish here!"

"What was that?"

"It sounded like the voice of God!"

"Well let's try somewhere else."

They move away a bit, and settle down to try again. But before they can even start to drill, they hear it again:

"There are no fish here!"

So they pack up and move even farther down the ice. Surely this will be a good spot. But just as they pull out the auger, the voice booms out again:

"Listen you guys, I'm the manager of this ice rink, and I'm telling you there are no fish here!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeppermintBiscuit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
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A good set of dad jokes for a rainy day

Ouch I'm in alot of rain. What the hail. You little sleet. Sorry for raining on your parade I thought it would be snow problem. I'm going to sleet. What don't give me the cold shoulder. It's ice to see you. Water you doing. Fin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Axd109
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
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How do you catch a polar bear?

First, you go to the grocery store and get a bunch of canned peas. Then, you brave the ice and snow and go to where the bear lives. Then, when he’s not watching, cut a big hole in the ice and carefully place the cans of peas around the edge. Finally, when the bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole ❄️

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kylieelaine3
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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Cold joke string

What’s a penguins favourite film? Frozen.

What did the penguin say to the snowman who didn’t find the first joke funny? Oh laugh!

What did the snowman kick the penguin with in retaliation? Dis knee

Why did the snowman then watch Frozen with the penguin? Nothing Elsa on TV

There’s snow more now, ice said them all.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-E-Droflah
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2018
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I stayed in Australia for a while and was rewarded with the ultimate Dad story

My friend had a really interesting job. One of those jobs you didn't know people could get.

tl;dr just read it, it's worth reading the whole description of the job

Before I moved, my neighbor's job was based in Antarctica. He worked with one of the research centers there, and his job was standing up penguins. I kid you not β€” when shipments arrived by air, like by helicopter or by airplane or whatever, the penguins would all look up with their tiny heads and look up so high they would fall over backwards. Now, penguins are super awkward in how they waddle everywhere, and so, not wanting to disturb the local environment, the research station had to have someone that could suit up and go out there and stand up penguins.

As soon as every shipment arrived, he would say, "Welp, better go suit up now," get into the whole penguin suit, and waddle out there all incognito and stand the penguins on their feet again. I'm sure they could have done it on their own, eventually, but the idea was to disturb the animals for as little time as possible.

I thought it was the most ridiculous thing when he told me, but he got the job through his dad's researcher colleague. Basically, the deal was they would get people to go down for 3-month periods (I think he ended up doing 6 months) and this was his occupation for that time. Actually, is plane flight there was one of the really cool parts: LA went to Sydney, which then went back across the Pacific to Buenos Aires. Then, on the final leg, he would finally go Buenos Aires to the research station. The planes actually had to be specially fitted for the job, though β€” Of course, you can't have typical runways in Antarctica because they'd get ice all over them and there'd be all these problems β€” so the planes had to have mechanics on board each flight who would, mid-flight, switch out the take-off wheels for the landing skis. Just like a sea plane, except it was a snow-plane. Coolest thing ever.

Oh, but the way he described working with the penguins was the best! Most of the time he'd just go out and stand them up, but sometimes one would hurt itself. Like one time one of them fell over backwards and hit its foot the wrong way, so he had to not only pick it up, but give medical help, too. He seriously had to prop up the penguin, take off his glove, and pull on each of the penguins little webbed toes, pull on their legs. Sort of like how I'm pulling your leg right now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/L1AM
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2013
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Swedish joke

My dad was telling me about how my cousin in Sweden ate some glass the other day. Turns out glass means "ice cream" in Swedish, and he went on to explain that "Swedes who live in glass houses shouldn't snow cones." That was about the hardest I've ever groaned.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/superblockio
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2015
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Got my wife

She, while scrambling for footing on broken ice and snow, "I don't know where to put my feet."

Me, while grabbing her arm to prevent a tumble, "Most folks put 'em at the ends of their legs."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RufusDogtrot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2015
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It's been too cold to venture out the past few days. I'm not sure if cabin fever is setting in, or if dad's sense of humor has always been this lame.

We were all sitting there watching an Animal Planet special on bird migration (not by choice, the remote died), and after a few minutes apparent contemplation dad let this one loose on us.

"Did you hear about the ornithologist whose expedition was cancelled due to a severe snow storm?

I guess you could say things took an arctic tern for the worst!"

I think I may be booking a seat on the soonest ice floe out of this burg just to get away.

Oh no, he's got me doing it! It's spreading - run, save yourselves!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/barthm1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2015
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