Canned ice is cool

But Candice is cooler

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jspittman
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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Why did the hipster drown?

He went ice skating before it was cool.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vect77
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2022
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I’ve often heard that β€œicy” is one of the easiest words to spell.

Looking back at it now, I see why.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RelevanttUsername
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2022
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I absolutely hate crossing t's

Dotting i's is okay since it's just a dot, but t's are where I draw the line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joshjodalton
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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My hipster friend drowned

He tried to walk on ice before it was cool

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joynix
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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Ice Cube and Ice T have a new album coming out…

I hear it’s β€œone cold drink”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JustSomeGuy_Idk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
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I bought my son a fridge for Christmas.

Can't wait to see his face light up, when he opens it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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Where do you learn to make ice cream?

Sunday school.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pepperonie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2018
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I got my best friend a fridge for her birthday

I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cancervixen831
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
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My Vietnamese driver told me several riddles yesterday, do you know what they were?

First off a six-parter

  1. If there are 500 rocks on a plane and you throw one out, how many are left? A: 499
  2. How do you get an elephant into a fridge? This is a three part process A: open the door, put in the elephant, close the door.
  3. How do you get a giraffe into a fridge? This is a four part process A: open the door, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, close the door.
  4. All the animals go to heaven for a meeting, but one can't come, why not? A: the giraffe, it's in the fridge.
  5. A weak old lady has to cross a river full of alligators, how does she get across? A: the alligators are at the meeting in heaven.
  6. As soon as the old lady gets across the river she dies, how? A: the rock fell on her head.

No 2 A real cool guy walks into a cafe. He wearing sunglasses, tidy haircut, but just a super cool guy all round. He orders a glass of condensed milk and puts it on his table. Next time the waitress walks past he asks for a glass of black coffee. Now he has a glass of milk and a glass of coffee next to each other, this guy is real cool. Next time the waitress walks past he orders a glass of ice. She's happy to do that for this dude because he is so cool. He mixes the milk and coffee with the ice and stirs with his little spoon. Looks good. The old man that owns the cafe walks up to him and says, 'I see your in the Navy". How did he know?

A: he was wearing a naval uniform.

Anyone know similar nonsense?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Patyboomba
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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When you realize that water is hipster.

That ice was water before it was cool.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StochasticTinkr
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
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The thermodynamic properties of water is just amazing

That’s why ice is so cool

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MartinBirk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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Dessert Puns

I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.


I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, β€œDo you want a lift”. β€œNo thanks”, they replied, β€œWe’re Walkers”.


I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all Β£5 apart from one that was Β£10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said β€œthat’s maderia cake”.


Bought some cream, it said β€œstore in a cool place”. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.


Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.


I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing.


A man says β€œI keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the other”. The doctor says β€œI’m afraid you are a trifle deaf”.


I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.


How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden


What do they call a man who abandoned his diet? DESSERTER.


Ice cream is exquisite… –what a pity it isn’t illegal.


The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole, and the realist sees the calories.


Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam’s banana.


Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.


Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!


When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it’s been sliced.


What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?


Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!


What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.


What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!


A birthday greeting: For someone special as you, only ANGELFOOD would do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!


Did you hear there are two suspects in Two Ton Charley’s death? BEN and JERRY.


Don’t eat too much fudge, or else you will have so much pudge you won’t be able to budge.


You know you’re a mom if… Popsicles have become a staple food.


Mexican candy makes my taste buds say β€œOLE!”


FORGET LOVE… I’

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2017
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Cool with it

Me and a classmate were working a fundraiser. He splashed me with the ice water from the drinks, and so I splashed him back. He said, "I'm cool with this."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Christine900
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
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Chemistry Puns

Funny collection of chemistry puns

What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver? SWAG


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.


How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate? A sulfone


What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? Febreeze.


Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the healing elements? Because if you can’t helium or curium, you barium!


Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends argon.


Why did the acid go to the gym? To become a buffer solution!


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it’s in the ground state.


How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocado’s number.


If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.


What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


What element is a girl’s future best friend? Carbon.


I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


What do you do with a dead chemists? Barium


What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon? A CaNiNe


What did the chemist snack on during lunch? A β€˜gram’ cracker.


What would you call a clown in jail? Silicon (Silly Con)


What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron? A KNiFe.


How did carbon propose to Hydrogen? With a β€œcarbonkneel”


What did one titration tell the other? Let’s meet at the endpoint.


How can you spot a chemist in the restroom? They wash their hands before they go.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.


Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just could not put it down


Why do chemistry professor like to

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
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I was advised to post these here. I apologize in advance.

What did members of the Politburo wear to keep cool in the summer?

A: Lenin suits

What did the Soviet General Secretary say when he slipped and fell on ice in front of the Kremlin?

A: That'll leave a Marx!

What did the Commissar say to the workers on the collective farm when they slacked off?

A: Stop Stalin and get to work!

What did the Chinese President say when he stubbed his toe?

A: Mao! That hurts!

An officer in the Iranian army is talking to a subordinate.

The officer says, "Private, I think it's gonna rain."

The private says, "You think so, sir? The sky is completely clear and the sun is shining."

20 minutes later it starts to rain, a total deluge ensues.

The private says, "That was an amazing prediction, sir!. It did rain!"

The officer looks at the private, pats him on the shoulder and says, "Private, Ayatollah you so."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crookedletter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
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I stayed in Australia for a while and was rewarded with the ultimate Dad story

My friend had a really interesting job. One of those jobs you didn't know people could get.

tl;dr just read it, it's worth reading the whole description of the job

Before I moved, my neighbor's job was based in Antarctica. He worked with one of the research centers there, and his job was standing up penguins. I kid you not β€” when shipments arrived by air, like by helicopter or by airplane or whatever, the penguins would all look up with their tiny heads and look up so high they would fall over backwards. Now, penguins are super awkward in how they waddle everywhere, and so, not wanting to disturb the local environment, the research station had to have someone that could suit up and go out there and stand up penguins.

As soon as every shipment arrived, he would say, "Welp, better go suit up now," get into the whole penguin suit, and waddle out there all incognito and stand the penguins on their feet again. I'm sure they could have done it on their own, eventually, but the idea was to disturb the animals for as little time as possible.

I thought it was the most ridiculous thing when he told me, but he got the job through his dad's researcher colleague. Basically, the deal was they would get people to go down for 3-month periods (I think he ended up doing 6 months) and this was his occupation for that time. Actually, is plane flight there was one of the really cool parts: LA went to Sydney, which then went back across the Pacific to Buenos Aires. Then, on the final leg, he would finally go Buenos Aires to the research station. The planes actually had to be specially fitted for the job, though β€” Of course, you can't have typical runways in Antarctica because they'd get ice all over them and there'd be all these problems β€” so the planes had to have mechanics on board each flight who would, mid-flight, switch out the take-off wheels for the landing skis. Just like a sea plane, except it was a snow-plane. Coolest thing ever.

Oh, but the way he described working with the penguins was the best! Most of the time he'd just go out and stand them up, but sometimes one would hurt itself. Like one time one of them fell over backwards and hit its foot the wrong way, so he had to not only pick it up, but give medical help, too. He seriously had to prop up the penguin, take off his glove, and pull on each of the penguins little webbed toes, pull on their legs. Sort of like how I'm pulling your leg right now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/L1AM
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2013
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Ice sculptures

Me and my dad walking past an ice sculpture.

Me: Ice sculptures are pretty cool, aren't they dad.

Dad: Yeah, they're freezing...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlamDunkPanda
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2014
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The padawan has become the master. Got my dad.

While driving around today running errands.

Dad: I'm gonna stop here at Sonic. I'm in the mood for an Iced Tea.

Me: I'm more of an LL Cool J guy myself, but I can make an exception.

He looked at me with a mixture of "ugh" and "I'm so proud"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justinerwin
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2017
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Working in a lab on my first day

A guy drops off a specimen behind me and says this must be a really cool specimen. I turn around and sure enough its in a bag with an ice pack. What a great start to the shift!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shum1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2015
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I was at a baseball game standing next to an ice machine when an attendant says

I know you guys are trying to be cool but I need to get to the ice

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElemelonFelon
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2015
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Accidental dad joke.

My friend asked me if he could have some soda. (It was not refrigerated)

Friend: Can I have some soda?

Me: Sure... I'd recommend some ice.

Friend: Wow REALLY???

Me: Yeah it's pretty cool.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iMurshaq
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2015
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Dad joked a pair of students today...

So I was working at the summer camp my school district puts on today, and one of the students had an injury which involved an ice pack for treatment. She was sitting with her sister, who then stole the ice pack in an attempt to keep cool. I walk up to her, and I say, "Stealing an ice pack from your injured sister? That's cold."

Cue groaning

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spamlewin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2015
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At a hotel for a wedding

I was at a hotel for my best friend's wedding. After the rehearsal dinner we were in the lounge drinking (with permission from the hotel staff) and I went to the bathroom.

The bathrooms on the lobby level were right next to the ice machine, and we'd heard from another guest they were really fancy. I get back and my friend asks me how they were.

I showed him this picture and said "they were pretty cool"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/walkingcarpet23
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2015
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Winter Olympics

Watching the Olympics tonight and I had a perfect opportunity.

TV shows the outside of the figure skating arena.

Wife: that building is soo cool.

Me: that is how they keep the ice in skating condition after all.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatMitchJ
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2014
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Why did the hipster drown?

He went ice skating on the pond before it was cool

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ducks420
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
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Why did the hipster drown?

He went ice skating before it was cool

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SideOfInsanity
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
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Why did the hipster fall in the lake?

He went ice skating before it was cool.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ivegot_back
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
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Why did the hipster drown

He went ice skating on the pond before it was cool.

πŸ‘︎ 120
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blobty
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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Why did the hipster fall into the lake ?

He went ice skating before it was cool.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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The hipster from next door drowned.

He went ice skating before it was cool.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobRoy333
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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Why did the hipster drown?

He went ice skating on a pond before it was cool.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the hipster drown?

He went ice skating before it was cool.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SunportEnclave
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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Dad walks into bedroom with a glass of ice water for me...

Proceeds to shake glass so the ice makes a sound like a maraca. "That's cool! Get it? Cool?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/audacias
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2013
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