A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,Z
A little Christmas song. A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L...
I swear stairs are gonna be my d o w n fall, the way they keep s t a i r i n g at me...
There’s a new drug going around that is nicknamed “angle”. My friends want to try it with me, but I took a D.A.R.E. course and don’t want to do drugs, so my friends make fun of me.
I guess I’m just too square to try angle.
Son: What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? Dad: I know you think it’s R, but I think it’s X. Son: Why?
No, it’s definitely not Y.
R.I.P Kim Jong Un ... ... ... ... ... ... ... /s
Can I play World War Z without having played World War A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X and Y before?
/r/ShouldIbuythisgame/com…
**T H E R E I S N O E S C A P E**
/r/baseball did not appreciate my post - I think it’s better suited here anyway
I have a bunch of stupid baseball questions. I know most of the rules, I just want to make sure I have all my bases covered.
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Imagine there’s a fan of the team that is currently fielding in the stands, and that said fan has a prosthetic arm. The batter hits a pitch and sends it on a home-run trajectory into the stands. If the fan in the stands throws his arm at the ball and diverts it back in the field of play, can they rightfully say that they were just “lending the team a hand” by stopping the home run?
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Consider the exact opposite situation - the fan’s team is at bat and the batter hits a fly ball to the outfield. If Elastagirl from the Incredibles just happened to be the fan in question, can she spring into action and catch the ball before the outfielder has the chance to?
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Now, imagine I smuggled a water gun into the stadium on a particularly hot day, and I managed to squirt sticky black liquid onto the batter. Does that mean he can take a walk since he was “hit by pitch”?
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Consider the freak circumstance where a ball in motion collides with a bird, causing it to spiral in its descent and eventually collide in turn with an umpire. Can the player responsible for the ball’s motion be ejected from the game due to repeatedly flipping the bird at an umpire?
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Can a losing team sub out their man on the mound with a large quantity of beer to prolong the game? There’d still be a pitcher on the mound!
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If a pitcher throws a slider into the strike zone and the batter doesn’t swing, should the umpire consider it a strike, a ball, or the catcher’s dinner?
In the dictionary, r/dadjokes is in the middle of r/dadjoke and r/dadjokesinhistory so I guess you could say it’s in a sub sandwich.
Whatever you do, don't take a, s, r, d and add them to i, r, s, t, and e, and then stir...
That's a recipe for disaster.
Chandler from F • R • I • E • N • D • S is full of 'em
Frankie the Tailor: How long do you want the cuffs?
Chandler: Ah, as long as I have the pants I guess.
While at a restaurant, the waitress was totally flirting with me with my wife present. After she walked away, my wife said “She obviously has COVID!” “Why would you think that?” I asked.
“Because she has no taste.”
My 6 year old just told me this joke... What's stronger than a fortune cookie?
Who'll are from Indonesia?
Are we going to talk about this oar what?
Doctor: I'm sorry, but I had to remove your colon
Just watched all the Harry Potter movies back to back with a friend
Stupid, really, because it meant I couldn't see the TV
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because if it were served warm it would be justwater
What do you call a bad sitcom?
What do you call a kinky dinosaur?
A English man, a Spaniard, a French man, and a German. Go to a club. The guy on stage asks if they can see him. They said
I don't trust stairs
They are always up to something.
A man is staying in a hotel.
He walks up to the front desk and says, “Sorry, I forgot what room I’m in, can you help me?”
The receptionist replies, “No problem, sir. This is the lobby.”
My Wife is freaking out about this coronavirus. She made me promise I'd put the mask on before I left for work this morning......
Now I’m two hours late and I don’t even like Jim Carey
What is it called when two mummies fart at the same time?
I made a graph for my past relationships.
It has an ex-axis and a why-axis.
[META] Dad jokes should be clean, not just groan-inducing. That's what makes it a Dad joke, we can tell it to the kids in front of Mom and not get in trouble (other than maybe for the punchline).
For me, the urge to sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is always just a whim away...
a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away
I’m never again donating money to anyone collecting for a marathon.
They just take the money and run.
Just so everybody's clear,
I'm going to put my glasses on.
What did the drum say about his childhood?
Those were the cymbaler days.
I don’t like people who take drugs…
For example, airport security.
A truck carrying toupees crashed on the highway, spilling everything.
Police are combing the area.
I've been a limo driver for 25 years and haven’t had a single customer.
All that time and nothing to chauffeur it...
My buddy asked if he could crash on my couch tonight...
I had to explain to him that I was married now and that's where I sleep.
i need help fellow r/puns residents i need to come up with 80’s themed puns for a veggie tray and chocolate mouse
Edit: I was not born in the 80’s I will not get any of the references
A, B, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, & Z are all racists.. How do I know?
Because they're all not 'C's.
I have updated the alphabet for festive period. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z
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