Wanna hear a word I made up?
Girlfriend: "I really wanna get a Cockatoo!"
Me: (Too easy!) "Hell no! I ain't down with any other dudes!"
Her: (Smarter than me...) "Just think how many times you can make that joke if you bought me a bird..."
Me: (Beady eyes cause I know I've been beat and we are getting a bird...)
You wanna know why I called my pet newt Tiny?
I *really* wanna tell you guys this awesome math joke I heard...
...But I'm 2² to post it! ☹
Edit: Thanks for the awards! ❤
I invented a new dish made of rice and soup. Wanna know what I call it?
I wanna hear your best airplane puns.
I had dinner at one of those cowboy restaurants. The waiter came over and asked, “Do ya wanna box for those leftovers?” I was with my wife. I couldn’t say no, and didn’t want to say yes, so I replied,
“No, but I’ll wrestle you for them.”
I finally got into Harvard. I wanna Thank my parents, friends who supported me
And the guy who left the window open
I wanna sell my typewriter but can't
It's still in perfct ondiction
I don't wanna hear another word on the female menstrual cycle.
I wanna trick out my hot rod with a rad spoiler.
Should I print a sticker that says "Snape Kills Dumbledore" or "Hedwig Dies"?
I wanna be a billionaire like my grandad
He wants to be the one too.
Wanna know why I don't like pancake makers ?
Because they give me the crepes
I went to a haunted house and kept hearing bird noises, and the occasional "Polly wanna cracker!"....
.....must have been parrotnormal activity.
I wanna meet the guy that came up with the concept of zero.
I wanna tell him, “Thanks for nothing.”
(my friend told me this one the other day)
I don't wanna brag about my finances or anything, but my credit card company calls me every day.
Just to tell me my balance is outstanding.
My daughter came into my "home office" (closet) and said, "You wanna hear a joke?" I told her that I did
Daughter: "Quarantine."
Me: . . .
Daughter: "You don't get it. It's an inside joke."
To all of you who have been disowned by fathers. In honor of pride month and on behalf of all dads of R/dadjokes I just wanna say, buffalo.
Because you can always be our bi-son, and even if you don't feel like shooting straight, we will always be trans-parent with you. You are loved.
I seen a woman In a field dressed like a knight singing girls 'just wanna have fun' at the top of her voice
Must of been Cyndi Larper
Wanna know why I can't tell you about the card game we played last night?
Because ...
We ... don't ... talk .. about UNO!
You wanna know why I can't trust baby chickens?
...because their talk is cheep .
I wanna know where that bar is.
I wanna try Open Mic at the Comedy Club. But….
I’m afraid everyone will laugh at me.
You wanna know why I dont like people talking about me?
Because they discussed me.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
i wanna see pessimistic one
A train must have come through here, wanna know how I can tell?
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
Wanna know what I said to the person that lost their sock?
Yall my friends hate puns and i wanna make fun of their nicknames please help
Their nicknames are: Brat, Soap and tali
I just wanna dress in a sheet
Saw this on r/unexpected, thought it was funny so here we are :) I’ll be sure to add the link to the OG post in the comments incase you wanna see it
Wanna know why I don't trust stairs?
They're always up to something...
Do you wanna know how I escaped Iraq?
I was racking up to play pool with my son, and he said, “Do you wanna break?”
I said, “We haven’t even started. How lazy are you?”
Wanna know a word I just made up?
My server asked me if I wanna box for my leftovers.
I said “No, but I’ll wrestle you for ‘em.”
My waiter asked me if I wanna box for my leftovers.
I said, "No but I'll wrestle you for them."
I don’t trust stairs... you wanna know why?
Because they’re always up to something!
Do you wanna know how I escaped ISIS?
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