I ran out of gas on the side of the road. Along comes a swarm of bees.
I was confused, but they seemed friendly. I told them what was going on, and they said: open the gas cap. One by one, each bee flew into the tank, and to my astonishment the gas gage went from empty to full. The bees said: start the car. So, I did and it ran. I asked them: what did you put in the tank? Bee pee.
I just went to get my glasses fixed and you’ll never guess who I ran into when I was there!
That’s right!
.... Everyone.
I was so mad when Walmart ran out of figurines for the Nativity
Now I have to attend manger management
Dad: when I was your age I ran a maratho
Son: you mean marathon.
Dad: no I didn’t finish it.
Did I tell you about the time I ran into a pony at a bar?
He didn't say much though — he was a little horse.
I wanted to tell a joke about a dumb person who ran
But that'd just be random
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
Edit: My first ever attempt at a dad joke, and i never thought i would get anywhere this much upvotes. Thank y'all so much!
I ran over 5 miles today
Like, what are the odds they were all named Miles? Crazy.
My 8-year old ran past me and I shouted to her: "Hey, you lost something!"
She stops and ask "What?"
- "Your speed!"
She glares at me and says: "Dad, you lost something!"
- "What?"
- "Your hair!"
Oof.
True story.
I was hiking yesterday, when I suddenly ran in to a cougar....
Almost made me puma pants!
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo
A while ago, someone forgot their bread at the store. So I ran it out to them and said
“Excuse me sir, I think you focaccia bread!”
Yesterday I suddenly ran into the man who once sold me an antique globe.
I ran into a lamppost
But I only have light injuries.
I ran into the vets this morning and said to the blonde receptionist, "Quick, I think my daughters hamster is in serious trouble".
"Hamster?" she laughed, "That's a snake".
As I ran my finger down her G string, she moaned:
"Give me back my guitar!"
I ran into Luke Combs today and I was talking to him about when I caught a 10 lb bass. He said I’m kinda in a hurry, nice to meet you tho.
So I told him it might not mean much to you but it does to me.
I heard my niece screaming that she was drowning in the bathroom. I ran quickly into the bathroom to see what was wrong.
She had a glass of water on her head and said “I’m underwater”
I ran out of toilet paper, so have begun using old newspapers...
When the horse from the Himalayas ran in the Derby, I just had to put money on it to win...
I just had a feeling he was the one Tibetan.
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg
I ran into my ex girlfriend at the gym.
I was trying to pick up this chick and she just ran away and kept saying: "peep, peep!"
I think it was a she. Fast little bugger.
My clippers ran out of juice half way through shaving so I started to beat the heck out of em...
I ran out of toilet paper the other day, and have been using newspaper since...
And man, the Times are tough!!!
I was carrying a bowl of chili from the kitchen and my dog ran in and caused me to drop the entire bowl on top of him, covering him in chili.
I ran into two hippies today, and they both seem really mad at me.
Apparently the correct term is “conjoined twins”.
I ran out of laundry detergent today. I didn't let it get me down.
I realized it was just the start of a whole new Era.
I ran into a girl at a vegetarian restaurant that said she new me
But I've never met herbivore
Quarantine Tip #19: Yesterday I ran out of soap and body wash and all I could find was dish detergent.
I'm trying to keep fit during iso, so this morning, I ran five times around the block.
I was so tired afterwards that my son had to put it back into the toy box.
Yesterday, I ran into a Hollywood celebrity, who kept yelling , “I piy the fool!”
I said, “Hey, you missed a T.”
I ran into actor Matt Damon and told him I loved his recent spy thriller film. He got real mad and said:
I wasn’t Bourne yesterday, you know.
I ran for an hour today and lost one pound!
Maybe I should take the money out of my pockets next time.
I ran out of torches while stripmining in Minecraft
It's a situation not to be made light of
I heard that one of the letters of the alphabet ran away last night.
"But why?"
He's fine, I on the other hand...
I was strangely satisfied when I ran over the neighbor's dog with my car...
I ran out of anxiety pills...
But I'm kinda scared to tell anyone.
I ran the numbers
Because they were getting fat
The other day I ran into someone who was shocked that I had grown a beard
To which I said, “I grew it over winter, but I’m thinking of shaving it off. Only it’s been growing on me”
If I ever ran into a big cat in the jungle, I'd probably puma pants.
I was hiking yesterday when suddenly I ran into a cougar!
almost made me puma pants
I was walking down the street and suddenly ran into the guy who once sold me an antique globe.
I ran out of toilet roll so am reduced to wiping my butt with lettuce leaves.....
I fear it's just the tip of the iceberg.
I was walking down the street and ran into the man who once sold me an antique globe.
Yesterday I accidentally ran into the man who sold me an antique globe...
When I was walking down the street, I ran into a celebrity with a Mohawk and jewelry. He looked at me and said, “I piy the fool!”
I said, “Hey, you missed a T.”
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