While doing a crossword, the cyclops asked his wife, "How do you spell Hawaii?" Glancing at what he wrote, she replied, "You need two i’s."
Cyclops growled, "My life is just a big joke to you, isn’t it!?"
Cheap Phineas and Ferb pun; I know it sucks you don't need to tell me
Why couldn't Doofenshmirtz do his fractions?
Because Perry got rid of the denom-inator
I heard that by law you need to turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden
How the hell am I supposed to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
“Can you help me with the curtains? I need to make sure the carpet matches the drapes.”
And THAT is a sexual in-your-window!
Did you hear that they're replacing two letters of the alphabet? Instead of T, you have to say "Clowns". Instead of V, you need to say "Jokers". I refuse to use them, but I was singing the alphabet when they changed them, so I have a problem...
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with U.
I hope you haven't seen this before, but it needs to be reposted.
I went into a clothes store and a lady came up to me and said ‘if you need anything, I’m Jill.’
I’ve never met anyone with a conditional identity before.
Mine would just say "I'm glad you enjoyed my free Willy and we had a whale of a time, but we need to sea otter whales."
Need some good puns when I whip this bad boy out on the course today. Help me out you geniuses!
Can You Let Me Out? I Need Teepee
I was teaching my 12 year old daughter how to mow the lawn. “You need to pick either up and down or right and left, and then stick to it,” I told her. “Do you mow the whole yard in one direction.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Because that’s what makes it beautiful.”
Oh, the eye roll on this kid.
Can You Let Me Out? I Need Teepee
(Not a Dad Joke) I need a good list of the best dad jokes you guys have
It’s for a discord bot I’m going to put in a server full of people who could use some dad jokes
Some guy told a female GI Doctor “girrrrrl you’re so spicy I need a Nexium after having you”
She asks him why and he said, “my heartburn’s for you”
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn"
I need a liver transplant, luckily you can just get them from Amazon these days. It should be arriving today...
The tracker says it's 'out for delivery'
I have a great business idea but i need someone to help me. I go to the toilet and you tie up bits of string.
I’m going to need you to come in this weekend
Ok guys. Time to rally together to help a fellow new dad out. I’m MCing a wedding and need the worst of the worst wedding themed dad jokes you have to offer.
Sorry I’m advance if this isn’t allowed.
I'd you ever need to get in touch with a bike company
I'm very proud of my latest work. To make good puns, you need to have the drive
"I need to go out for a while, Amelia Bedelia. Can you do this list of chores?" Said Mr. Rogers.
Amelia Bedelia looked over the list. "Okey-dokey!" Said Amelia Bedelia.
When Mr. Rogers came home, he saw Amelia Bedelia stuffing sawdust into his secret marijuana stash.
Mr. Rogers was furious. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING, AMELIA BEDELIA?!"
"You said to cut the grass."
I don't believe in the bros before hoes or hoes before bros crap. There needs to be a balance. A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.
Note: homeostasis is a scientific term for "equilibrium". Sorry if this went over your head 😁
I need to tell you something, and I'll be frank
All we need to make heat is create a little friction, I'll give you the fric- you give me the -tion
Frick, that's what I like to hear
If you need an ark, just hit me up cuz I Noah guy.
I got an email that said "You have won £36,769,011. To complete the transaction we will need your bank details."
"Certainly," I replied. "It's a big building with money inside."
As my son was heading out to go camping, I advised him, "If you need to start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, make sure they’re the same."
"Then you’ll have a match!"
My 2 year old is playing with Lego and I said "are you going to be an engineer?" my wife says we always need more engineers!
I said "yeah, engines are quite deaf"
I asked my fiancee what letters you need to put together for that ground up stuff you bake bread with. She said it's...
Real story: I'm prepped for a wedding and walking with my dad about to meet up with my girlfriend. I know his tendencies so I tell him "dad, please, no jokes." And he replies, "with what you're wearing, I won't need to." I roll my eyes and say, "oh, wow, sick burn dad."
I look over, and he's reaching into his pocket and pulls out a little vial, and shakes it out all over me. He hands me this vial and he's made a shitty label around it, and he wrote on this fricken label, "Directions: Add in salt to injury".
He's a legend among my friends dads.
[Request] I need every skeleton/bone related pun you can think of for an upcoming D&D session...I want to really get under my players skin and give them a good ribbing!
I work in a nursing home. A diabetic schizophrenic I always give sugar free life savers to just said, "You haven't brought me any damn candy all day!" I replied, " I just got here, you need to be patient."
She said,"I am a damn patient!!"
My wife called me at work and said, “Hon, I’m having contractions. I need you to drive to the hospital.”
I got there as soon as I can and called her back , “Right. I’m now at the hospital. What do you want me to do now?”
I NEED ORIGINAL COW PUNS can you suggest any please?
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get "saved" or you'll "burn"..
I just found out I am going to be a dad so I need to be prepared. Which are the best dad jokes you know?
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get "saved" or you'll "burn"...
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get “saved” or you'll “burn”
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get “saved” or you'll “burn”
Stupid Firemen
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get “saved” or you'll “burn”
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get “saved” or you'll “burn”
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you that you need to get "saved" or you'll "burn"
I heard you need to build an ark,
I hate those people who knock at your door and say you need to be saved or you’ll burn.
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