I was having a glass of wine with my wife after a long day and I heard her say "I love you so much and always look forward to being with you at the end of the day. I don't know what I'd do without you." "Is that you or the wine talking?" I asked. She replied "It's me...

...talking to the wine."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
"I love you from my heart to-ma-toes"
πŸ‘︎ 597
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BedHeadBread
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œI love my job!” exclaimed the farmer. β€œAll you do is boss me around all day!” complained one of his sheep. β€œWhat did you say?” challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled...

β€œYou herd me!"

πŸ‘︎ 777
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife sent me a heartwarming text that read, β€œIf you're sleeping, send me your dreams. If you're laughing, send me your smile. If you're eating, send me a bite. If you're drinking, send me a sip. If you're crying, send me your tears. I love you!”

I replied, β€œI'm on the toilet, please advise…”

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I love you

At least... that’s a joke my dad told me all the time

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/watslush
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
First, I posted this on r/jokes but it didn't get much love. Then I realized I posted it on the wrong joke sub. Y'all love the punny jokes, so here you go:

Why are lamb chops a thing? Why do we have a food named after a baby animal?

Would you ever eat something called puppy steak? Or kitten burger? Or chick fillet?

oh wait.........

Credit goes to Matt from Studio C

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lickedy_Split_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Son, I love you, and I think you rock

But I promise I will never take you for Granite again

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M0ral_Supp0rt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
In France, They don’t say β€œI love you”

Because they don’t speak english there.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Aarsh
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
In the store I saw some brightly coloured greeting cards that said, "I will always love only you "

They sold them in packs of 12.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
This isn’t mine and I don’t know who made it, but it’s been on my phone for so many years and I haven’t seen it on here yet. I hope you all love it as much as I do.
πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkRune23
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
4yo: β€œI love you more”

Me: β€œWho’s more?”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/willoftelegraph
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my friend, β€œHave you ever met someone online first and then fall in love with them?”

He said, β€œDoes my girlfriend count?”

I said, β€œNot sure. If she knows basic math, she should be able to.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
You know, I really do love bad puns.

It’s just how eye roll.

πŸ‘︎ 104
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bucci29
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I love Kirby. You could even say I’m a- Kirby fan
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scoreacheck93
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know why I love rocks?

They’re very sedimental to me.

πŸ‘︎ 93
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SpetsnazUnit18
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I love You.

Have you seen him?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NoBullyRSlash
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you want to know why I love this floor?

It's always been so supportive.

πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_PoodlePants
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I know you wood love this.
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CallMeUnofficial
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Me: I love going to art school! My wife: you can’t go any more!

Me : but that’s where I draw the line

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
GF: I love you

Me: I love the sequel GF: ....... Me: I love you 2 cue groans

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/solipsistmaya
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2016
🚨︎ report
I would love to help you out, but...

I don't know which way you came in.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bvillebball31
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you get a woman to say I love you on the first date?

You take a dog with you :)

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/amnaabdullah
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I looked at my wife and proclaimed, "I promise to love you 24/7!!"

She looked lovingly at me, eyes welling with tears as I continued, "And today is the day!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Sitting beside my girlfriend I said, "I love you."

She asked: "Is that you or the beer talking?"

I said: "It's just me talking to the beer."

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ENJOYblet
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I love Afghanistani cooking (and I'm sure you know why)...

Even when they have nothing ready, they can always Kabul up something.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad I love you

Well I love myself as well, thanks

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boosucker0
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I would really love if my dad was like you

Alive

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chicnstu21
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I think I'm in love with you cuz
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I love peanuts... But it’s hard for a peanut to love you back when it’s been asalted all its life.
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Woodyard801
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I love math, you could call it an addiction
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GamingLizzard
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2018
🚨︎ report
I tried the β€œIf you love something, set it free” thing.

But my kids are still here.

πŸ‘︎ 81
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I don’t know about you but I love to tell dad jokes

Sometimes he laughs

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EricJ621
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and I love to go on dates, but we always do what she wants. Today she asked me, β€˜If you had to pick any date, what would it be?’

June 19th, 1910

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VividDreamerzzzz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I love you, Cassidy McDonald
πŸ‘︎ 269
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2015
🚨︎ report
I love the fleeting second of shock you get when you stumble over an extension cord.

Seriously, what a power trip.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JediWithBenefits
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
🚨︎ report
I was on a date and said to the waiter β€œI would love the bo-log-nayz and a white wine.” Laughing my date said β€œI didn’t know you spoke another language.”

I replied, β€œyeah, I’m trylingual.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sr_ChalupaBatman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip?

I was heels over head.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report
It's okay, Seven. I still love you.

https://imgur.com/gallery/Nvr2WAX

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GhastlyPally
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife tricked me into watching β€œP.S. I love you” on Netflix.

Turns out it is not about a dude who marries his PlayStation.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2018
🚨︎ report
You know what I love about living in a house of smokers?

Everything smells like meat.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KvltFollowing
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Wife of Neil Degrasse Tyson: I love you, Honey.

Neil Degrasse Tyson: Your presence makes my dopamine and oxytocin levels higher too.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Arizona: I love you Dad

Dad: I love you Tucson.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nickyobro
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
"I love you son, and I will never leave you"
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRedBlade
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I love you
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scmatbronson
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
🚨︎ report
I tried the β€œIf you love something, set it free” thing.

But my kids are still here.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
🚨︎ report

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