I would love to get paid to sleep.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Jan 25 2021
My wife loves it when I blow cold air on her when she's too hot..
Personally I'm not a fan.
π︎ 133
π
︎ Mar 23 2021
I love a good build up
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Dec 22 2020
I once made love to a girl in an apple orchard...
π︎ 10
π
︎ Mar 22 2021
I love my furniture...
Me and my recliner go way back.
π︎ 305
π
︎ Feb 20 2021
I love archery but it has one problem.
There are too many drawbacks.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 22 2021
All my hispanic friends love it when I say βmucho.β
π︎ 309
π
︎ Jan 24 2021
I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening admiring my reflection, when I posed this question to my wife of 30 years, βWill you still love me when Iβm old, fat, and balding?β She smiled and answered...
π︎ 7
π
︎ Mar 27 2021
I fell in love with my neighbor across the street.
It didn't work out. It was a lawn distance relationship.
π︎ 28
π
︎ Mar 09 2021
I love signing documents
I guess you could say itβs my signature move.
π︎ 85
π
︎ Feb 20 2021
I fell in love with a cardiologist
She knows what my heart needs.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 26 2021
I just love when food is packed with more food
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 19 2021
I have a love/ hate relationship with my bed
I love to sleep in it but hate to get out of it.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 25 2021
I love this one πΉ
π︎ 40
π
︎ Feb 07 2021
I really love watching The Bachelor.
Iβm just worried heβs gonna call the cops.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 11 2021
I used to love going to the post office
but the Postmaster General has really taken DeJoy out of the mail.οΏΌ
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 12 2021
Water....I love water....
Water's brilliant.
Water's fantastic.
Can't get enough water. Water's smashing...
....sorry I'm gushing.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Feb 28 2021
I love brake fluid.
Wouldn't Say Addicted, I can stop anytime I want to!
π︎ 30
π
︎ Feb 05 2021
Ah I love a good self-defecating joke
I shit myself every time I tell one!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 13 2021
I love GOLD , but *A* is silent in it!#chem punsΖͺ(Λβ£Λ)Κβ(β
ο½β)β
π︎ 13
π
︎ Dec 26 2020
I love the Lion King...
...but Simba is so slow. Sometimes I wish he'd Mufasa.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Feb 20 2021
I love my dry erase board...
π︎ 11
π
︎ Feb 22 2021
Hereβs a little early access to a pun I made. Iβm not sure if this joke has been said before but I hope not. I love making up puns
π︎ 54
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
"I love you from my heart to-ma-toes"
π︎ 598
π
︎ Oct 17 2020
I love puns, butt this is getting outta control
π︎ 104
π
︎ Dec 04 2020
I used to love fishing with my son.
Oh well!! I guess I'll have to find something else to use as bait now.
π︎ 34
π
︎ Jan 18 2021
Before I met my wife my love life was hot like the Sahara desert.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 07 2021
I was having a glass of wine with my wife after a long day and I heard her say "I love you so much and always look forward to being with you at the end of the day. I don't know what I'd do without you." "Is that you or the wine talking?" I asked. She replied "It's me...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 11 2021
Iβve got a friend that fell in love with two school bags
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 18 2021
I love the part of the bumblebee that connects its body to its feet.
Itβs the beeβs knees.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jan 15 2021
So this happened today... this is why I love Reddit.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Dec 15 2020
βI love my job!β exclaimed the farmer. βAll you do is boss me around all day!β complained one of his sheep. βWhat did you say?β challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled...
π︎ 782
π
︎ Oct 25 2020
I love the way the earth rotates.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Jan 25 2021
The longest I've ever made love for is 1 hour, 2 minutes and 32 seconds...
... I love it when the clocks go forward!
π︎ 51
π
︎ Nov 19 2020
My wife sent me a heartwarming text that read, βIf you're sleeping, send me your dreams. If you're laughing, send me your smile. If you're eating, send me a bite. If you're drinking, send me a sip. If you're crying, send me your tears. I love you!β
I replied, βI'm on the toilet, please adviseβ¦β
π︎ 16k
π
︎ Jun 15 2020
I love her so much
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 11 2020
Glad I found this sub because I love telling dad jokes
...he even laughs sometimes
π︎ 266
π
︎ Nov 02 2020
I love you
At least... thatβs a joke my dad told me all the time
π︎ 17
π
︎ Dec 12 2020
First, I posted this on r/jokes but it didn't get much love. Then I realized I posted it on the wrong joke sub. Y'all love the punny jokes, so here you go:
Why are lamb chops a thing? Why do we have a food named after a baby animal?
Would you ever eat something called puppy steak? Or kitten burger? Or chick fillet?
oh wait.........
Credit goes to Matt from Studio C
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
I love whiteboards
π︎ 20
π
︎ Dec 09 2020
My wife loves it that I blow cold air on her when she's too hot...
Personally, I'm not a fan.
π︎ 42
π
︎ Mar 24 2021
I love my furniture...
Me and my recliner go way back.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 26 2021
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