My friend called me in a panic and shouted, “An evil wizard turned me into a tiny harp! I don’t know what to do!” Frantically, I drove all the way to his house only to find out...
...he’s really a big lyre.
My wife was a captain in the Army Reserve. She told me she had a promotion and asked me to attend the ceremony. I don’t know much about the Army,
...but I understand this promotion was a major ordeal.
So, I'm taking up leatherwork? Don't know anything about it, but, . . . .
I'm going to give it my awl!
I don't know whether the chicken or the egg came first.
You could say I'm eggnostic.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer the other day. I don’t know what he laced them with but, I’ve been tripping all day....
you know why I don’t like eating small types of fish
because they are little fishy
I don't know why people are afraid of flying ?
Most crashes happen at ground level.
I don't know what I ate lastnight, but when I woke up, I crapped out a sparkwheel, a valve, a spring, and a piece of flint.
Afterwards, I felt a little lighter.
I don't know what "apathy" is.
And I can't say I'm too bothered to find out.
I don’t know why everyone seem to have a problem with vegans.
I have never had a beef with one.
"I need a bar built in my garden," I told my friend in the pub. "But I don't know who to ask."
"Well," he replied, "I'll do it if you pay me £400."
So I gave him £400, and he said, "Right, I'll start asking around."
I don’t know what way I should prepare my eggs for breakfast this morning.
I am having an eggsistential crisis, here.
I told my wife I was going to accompany her to get her Covid Vaccine, and see if they could do mine as well. She said they probably wouldn't. I replied, "I don't know..."
Cheap Phineas and Ferb pun; I know it sucks you don't need to tell me
Why couldn't Doofenshmirtz do his fractions?
Because Perry got rid of the denom-inator
I don't know how our Mohel can possibly make a living.
I don't know why people are concluding that I am constipated.
They just keep telling me that I'm full of shit.
I was having a glass of wine with my wife after a long day and I heard her say "I love you so much and always look forward to being with you at the end of the day. I don't know what I'd do without you." "Is that you or the wine talking?" I asked. She replied "It's me...
Don’t know how to properly share with this but I have included the name of the original, most people didn’t get it(third line)
Wanna know why I don't trust stairs?
They're always up to something...
So I’m at dinner with the fam, telling the joke about what the kid with no arms got for Christmas (we still don’t know because he hasn’t opened them yet)...I set it up...a friend of mine at work has a kid...no arms...and deliver the punchline...
And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me
‘Dad, I knew that story wasn’t real because you don’t have any friends’
👻👻💀💀☠️☠️ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.
I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids
I don't know whether dumpling-shaped pasta made of potato flour exists, but I'll believe it when I see it.
You can say I'm agnocchic.
I don’t know why Reddit is suddenly obsessed with beavers
I don’t know what’s wrong with my family.
They haven’t spoken to me all year!
I don't know why I'm so afraid of pressing buttons.
I just can't put my finger on it.
I don't know why people expect Time's Square to put on a decent New Year's Eve show.
They're always dropping the ball.
My wife has been complaining that I don’t buy her flowers. Tbh I don’t even know she started selling flowers.
Couldn’t post it earlier. Doing dishes, making everyone’s bed, taking trash and all the other household chores ate up all my evening.
my son introduced me to dark humor the other day, i don't know why they call it "dark humor"
because they lighten me up
I don’t know how I feel about internet speeds
It has its Ups and its Downs
Wanting to impress my son at the zoo today, I revealed to him, "Used to be best friends with a giraffe, but we had a falling out." Puzzled, he asked, "What happened?" I shook my head, "I don't know really, but I felt..."
"He was always looking down on me!"
A guy I don’t know wants to cut down the trees in my backyard
I told him ‘I woodn’t do that if I were you’
I don’t know what I did to the wind to piss it off
It always seems to be against me lately
I don't know if this belongs here but my dad...
... spent all weekend making this coffee table. I didn't think much of it until i saw him attaching some hoses, a water tank, a dirt tank, a fan, a propane tank and a timer. I asked him what the hell he was building and he said "Well twice a day it's going to shoot either fire, water, dirt or air." I sat there stunned and confused and just said "But....why?" He said "Why? Well that's because it's a periodic table of elements."
Do you know why I don't trust atoms
I don't know why it wooden't work
I don't know what to wear to the living room New Year's Eve
I don't know what decisions the Supreme Court will make in 2021 but one thing is for sure...
Today I don't have a dad joke for you. I have a dad fact. Did you know humans eat more seeds than birds?
It's true! When was the last time you ate a bird?
I don’t know why I have such a hard time putting on a scarf.
I just can’t wrap my head around it.
I don't know how to react to this
I don't know how to give a title
I don't know, thought it was funny
11 year old named Kevin: I don’t know who Catherine O’Hara is.
I don’t trust stairs... you wanna know why?
Because they’re always up to something!
I don't know why people are afraid of flying...
Most crashes happen at ground level.
My friend called me in a panic and shouted, “An evil wizard turned me into a tiny harp! I don’t know what to do!” Frantically, I drove all the way to his house only to find out...
...he’s really a big lyre.
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