Kraken: Good morning, I'm here to renew my lease.
Landlord: RE-LEASE THE KRAKEN!!!
I'm french and just moved abroad, people are pretty insensitive here and always joke about baguettes
They don't care that they're laughing at my pain.
A young boy and an old man are walking through the woods at night. The boy tells the man: "I'm scared. It's really dark and spooky out here."
The old man replies, "YOU'RE scared?! I'm the one that has to walk back alone!"
I told my wife, “From here on, I’m going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order.”
She said, “Where will you find the time?”
Me: Easy. Right next to the sage.
I'm here all week! Try the veal!
Ugh too much sugar I'm drowning here!
Everyone tells me that I'm the king of dad jokes. Here's one...
I'm just going to leave it here
I'm not sure when my plane will get here
It's pretty up in the air right now
Are physical puns a thing here? I'm just gonna leave this here
Here’s a little early access to a pun I made. I’m not sure if this joke has been said before but I hope not. I love making up puns
A Higgs-Boson walks into a church, only to be stopped by a priest at the door. "I'm very sorry but we don't allow Higgs-Boson in here."
The Higgs-Boson then replies, "But without me, how will you have mass?"
I’m just here mining my own business...
I'm really tired of seeing just text posts here
I’m a server and here’s a dad interaction I had the other day
Me, pointing at his food: Wanna box for that?
Random dad: No, but I’ll wrestle you for it.
I'm here is Scotland and quarantine has me feeling all out of sorts...
And there is nothing worse for a Scot than being off kilter.
My wife pulled me aside yesterday. We sat down and she told me she had some news. Honey, I'm pregnant were here exact words.
I responded with hi pregnant, i'm dad.
"No you're not."
Like a bunch of people here I’m bad at titles
I’m just gonna leave this one here
I have a tv here I’m selling, going cheap as the volume buttons don’t work
Can this be centaured here? I dunno, i'm just gonna gogh
Ever since my sex change my son acts like I’m not here...
Maybe it’s because I’m trans-parent
I'm still working on my next dadjoke. In the meantime, here is an up date.
I’m just gonna leave this here
Summer’s almost here and I’m going to buy this really trendy fan
It’s going to be so cool 😎
I felt clever so I'm posting here.
I’m doing a run of Pokémon: SoulSilver where I name everybody after musical artist puns. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far- pretty catchy, huh?
I’m not a dad but here’s my best shot.
What does a depressed cowboy say?
Yee-nah
I’ve started growing herbs in my garden. To help identify them i’m growing them in alphabetical order. My neighbour asked me, how you find the time. I said, easy, it’s right here next to the sage.
I'm really proud of this work. Branching out into a new field here.
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I'm unsubbing from /r/DadJokes and here's why...
Not sure if it's legal for me to makes these jokes bc I'm not a dad so here it goes... What does a duck and a homeless person have in common?... . .
I’m on a roll here with all these puns guys
I'm not a dad, but I pulled this on my sister and achieved a groan. So here it is!
*Me entering my sister's room and see her studying.
Me: "What's up? Wanna play Halo?"
Sis: "I want to but I can't. My exams are coming."
Me: "Then don't open the door!"
Sis: *groans
I'm here to make a serious complaint about my local subway. Generally they do a good job, but I today I did an online order (so I didnt SEE them make anything). I didnt unwrap it in the store to check (because who does that), but when I got home it was absolutely not what I ordered.
I’m going to leaf this right here.
Can I post here if i need help coming up with a pun? I’m a high school teacher and am implementing a “phone hotel”. I wanted to name it something clever. Like a name that sounds similar to a real hotel or even name it “Phone Hotel” with a clever slogan. Any ideas?
Guy walks into a bar with his dog and the bartender says “I’m sorry sir, we don’t allow dogs in here.” Guy says “This is no ordinary dog. This dog can speak.”
Bartender says “Sure... If you say so. Now please leave.”
Guy says, “No really I can prove it.” *turns to dog *
“Dog, what is on top this building?” Dog goes “Roof.”
Bartender says “Very clever. Now I’ll ask you again: will you please leave?”
Guy goes “No no seriously! Listen to this: Dog, what is the texture of sandpaper?”
Dog goes “Ruff.”
Bartender says “This is the last time I’m going to tell you!”
Guy says “Wait wait please. Dog who is the greatest baseball player of all time?”
Dog replies “Ruth”
Bartender: “Get out! I’m calling the authorities!”
Guy and dog leave.
Outside dog turns to guy and says “Jeez. Maybe I should have said Barry Bonds.”
Another repost from Facebook that I'm unsure of its existence here.
Me: I’m here to see the doctor. Receptionist: Which doctor?
Me: No, just a regular doctor will do.
I'm going to be dissapointed if there isn't a cafe here call Scrooby Snacks
Seems like reposting has become pretty popular here, so I'm just gonna go for it
My yard looks so much better now that I've finally fixed that fence
Are you eggcited for the yolking around, but because it's my first post here, I'm walking on eggshells about posting this, I just hope it says up because the title is eggstremely long.
I'm running a bit short on time here
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