When people find out I’m not a very good electrician
Now that I’m officially a dad I have my first good joke. Me and my wife are driving down the road and a bug splats the window.
I turn to her and say “I bet he don’t have the guts to do that again”
Edit: holy shit y’all this blew up. Thank you master dads. I feel worthy
When people tell me I'm good at the theremin, I have to give credit to my wife.
She also likes it when I don't touch her.
I just finished Grosse Pointe Blank and now I’m putting on Good Will Hunting.
I’m not very good at skiing
I get to the top of the mountain then it’s all down hill from there
I'm trying to come up with a good tree pun
My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...
"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."
I asked my daughter if she wanted to go to the store with me. She said “I’m good.”
I'm going to be such a good cop
I’m getting pretty good at sleeping
Communism sounds good on paper, but I'm not sure I'd trust it to work...
I'm so good at sleeping
I can do it with my eyes closed.
First child born in a couple of weeks so I thought to give it the good ol try. Sometimes when I’m down I go to the mall and use the elevator.
So it can lift me up and make my day better.
I tried to OC.
I'm a teacher and I like to do superhero impressions before class to put students in a good mood.
The other day I told them I was going to do an imitation of Batman, so I started off with:
"Argh… kryptonite, getting weaker…"
"THAT'S SUPERMAN!" a student in the back row yelled
"Thanks man, I've been practicing a lot", I replied.
I'm good friends with my biro
I’m not surprised Silence of the Lambs won Oscars, its an offally good film
They told me I'd never be good at poetry because I'm dyslexic.
But so far I've made 3 jugs and a vase and they're lovely.
The alphabet is terrifying. A bee sea? No thanks I’m good.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
I’m not good with conversations, so I practice talking to large rocks.
It helps me speak boulder.
I'm a pretty good ventriloquist.
I may not be a dad for a while, but I’m getting some good practice in.
I've been told I'm good at cooling things down.
But I've never been a big fan.
I’m really good at making my friends hot drinks
Some of them call it my special tea.
Some say I’m a really good dancer
I tell them: it’s in my sole
I’m so good at making up puns ..
They actually make me money, some would say I’m an entre-pun-eur.
They told me I’d never be good at Poetry because I’m Dyslexic.
But so far I’ve made 2 Vases and a Jug and they are lovely.
My teacher says I'm pretty good at addition but I'm terrible at subtraction.
I don't get the difference.
Helping my work colleague with her car. "I'm sorry, it's not looking good....
... I think it's caught the car owner virus"
I'm look so good...
I have 5 fingers on my left hand and 5 fingers on my right hand.
5+5=10
I got handsum.
I'm here to make a serious complaint about my local subway. Generally they do a good job, but I today I did an online order (so I didnt SEE them make anything). I didnt unwrap it in the store to check (because who does that), but when I got home it was absolutely not what I ordered.
I'm looking to sell my Delorean. Good shape, low mileage... Only driven from time to time
I'm very good friends with 25 of the alphabets
I’m not playing soccer because I’m good at it.
I’m just doing it for kicks.
I had breakfast at The Mesa Grill and got food poisoning. My lawyer said that I had a good case, but I'm a man.
I just didn't wanna sue Flay.
In class the teacher told me to stand up and talk about something I’m not good at begging with the letter C.
I'm really good at making armor.
You might say it's my strong suit.
Some people say I'm pretty good at using spreadsheets
Others say I Excel at using them
Usually I'm not good with technology...
...but when it comes to texting I'm all thumbs
I heard a good one today but now I'm drawing a blank...
I'm very proud of my latest work. To make good puns, you need to have the drive
I'm so good at sleeping
I can do it with my eyes closed!
I'm so good at sleeping
I can do it with my eyes closed
People are usually shocked when they find out I'm not a very good electrician.
I'm so good at sleeping...
I can do it with my eyes closed!
People are usually shocked when they find out I’m not a very good electrician.
People are usually shocked when they find out I’m not a very good electrician
I'm so good at sleeping
I can do it with my eyes closed.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
