I finally quit my job teaching people how to use roundabouts
I felt like my career going round in circles
π︎ 8
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︎ Jun 20 2021
I had an argument with my brother about how to get to the next floor in the mall because he refused to use the stairs or the elevator
My next thought was: "Well, that escalated quickly"
π︎ 4
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︎ May 05 2021
Somebody I know wanted to use an abacus for exponents without knowing how
I donβt think itβs a good idea, but all the power to him
π︎ 4
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︎ Mar 11 2021
I wrote a book about how convicted felons can use fiction writing to work through their experiences and achieve better rehabilitation outcomes.
It's called, "Prose and Cons".
π︎ 15
π
︎ Dec 01 2020
I forgot how to use a boomerang
But then it came back to me
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 04 2020
I've just bought a bottle of head lice treatment but there's no instructions on how to use it.
It's left me scratching my head to be honest.
π︎ 90
π
︎ Jun 06 2020
I taught my four year old son how to use the word abundance in a sentence.
He said "thanks Dad, that really means a lot".
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Sep 16 2018
I finally started to learn how to use a computer. My son said; "Hey Dad, you're getting betah".
And I said: "Betah? But I thought I was 1.0!"
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 05 2020
My dad taught me how to use a Phillips today
π︎ 12
π
︎ Aug 29 2020
How do you use a remote control to calm down a robot dog?
π︎ 4
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︎ Aug 31 2020
I keep trying to teach my husband how to use chopsticks, but he walrus gets it wrong.
π︎ 13
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︎ Feb 29 2020
How many birds can use their huge beak to peel fruit?
π︎ 21
π
︎ Apr 03 2020
A pirate is transported to modern day and stumbles upon a lumber mill while looking for work. When the pirate is asked if he knows how to use any of the tools...
π︎ 10
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︎ Apr 14 2020
Iβm trying to teach my grandpa how to use his wheelchair better....
But thereβs too many steps.
π︎ 7
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︎ Jun 13 2020
I would tell a joke about how to use rope...
but it is knot that funny.
π︎ 6
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︎ Jun 13 2020
Wife is cooking "Im going to add this sage sparingly, because it's fresh sage, and the recipie calls for dried, so I don't how much to use."
So you're saying you need some sage advice?
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Nov 23 2017
The other dads in my Zoom meeting today may have been a bit jealous. I mentioned how my adolescent daughter has been so generous and nice during quarantine while I use the family computer for work, instead of her wasting time all day, watching YouTube. I have to say,
I'm glad to have the no-vid kind teen.
π︎ 4
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︎ Apr 27 2020
Sisyphus met a neanderthal who amazed him by demonstrating how to use jet fuel to propel the boulder up the hill.
"It's not rock. It science."
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 08 2020
I couldn't figure out how to use the seatbelt
π︎ 104
π
︎ Aug 04 2019
When I was little, my dad taught me how to use a shovel.
For me, it was a groundbreaking discovery.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 10 2019
Met a guy today that didn't know how to use a screwdriver
No joke, he wasn't screwing with me!
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 18 2019
I use the notches on my belt to monitor how much weight I'm losing
π︎ 4
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︎ Sep 27 2019
My mate started a course on how to stay fit now he won't use elevators
he told me how he's going to start taking steps to avoid them.
π︎ 123
π
︎ Mar 03 2018
How would Shakespeare decide what type of pen he would use to write a poem?
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jun 23 2019
How come when women use chemicals to remove polish no one bats an eye
But when hitler does it the whole world is against him?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 27 2019
My friend said to me "Can you show me how to use this doorway?"
I said "Sure, I'll give you a walkthrough."
π︎ 93
π
︎ Jul 23 2016
According to a survey, 80% of the people don't know how to use the superlative degree in English.
That's the most stupidest thing that I've ever heard.
π︎ 32
π
︎ Jan 03 2019
I stole a money printing machine but I can't figure out how to use it.
It just doesn't make cents.
π︎ 51
π
︎ Nov 24 2016
I know a cook who knows how to use spices very well.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 15 2019
Tried to make a software that monitors how much one uses their bed...
π︎ 18
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︎ Jan 18 2019
Can you believe how far technology has come?! Now doctors can use lasers to enable you to see into the future!
Mine just told me after my surgery I'll have 2020 vision!
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 10 2019
How much does it cost to use Santaβs sleigh?
π︎ 24
π
︎ Dec 01 2017
Yesterday I went outside to play with my boomerang but I forgot how to use it
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 10 2019
So I taught my dog how to use a periscope...
π︎ 160
π
︎ Mar 18 2016
My son was having trouble figuring out how to use a hammer and nails.
I told him, βScrew it.β
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 01 2018
Just how bad is it to use Cats when you meant Cat's?
Hey, it's not a Catapostrophe.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Nov 17 2017
I had a hard time figuring out how to use this new pen.
π︎ 33
π
︎ May 26 2016
Did you hear about the guy who figured out how to use cars as ammunition?
He really Dodged the bullet
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 30 2018
Dad figured out how to use Facebook...
π︎ 45
π
︎ Dec 20 2013
I couldn't figure out how to use the soap dispenser
Then it dawned on me.
Got my girlfriend with this one at her family gathering.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Sep 06 2016
How come no one dared to use the ladies room on the starship enterprise?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Aug 30 2016
My dad bought the new Galaxy S5 and asked me to show him how to use it
I'm walking him through the steps of how to access the essentials and tell him, "now go to where it says 'Apps'".
He put the phone up to his ear and responds, "well, it's not saying anything!"
π︎ 22
π
︎ Jul 10 2014
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