I'm going to buy a female horse to read me bedtime stories.

I'll call her my Goodnight mare.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainnT
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2018
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What type of bedtime stories do horses read?

Pony tale.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kovehshteeble
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2017
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a joke my dad told that took 2 weeks to pay off

(the joke makes more sense in dutch)

My dad talking to my nephew about his pet horse he used to have.

"My horse was an oddball, wherever we'd go he'd look for water to splash around in. one time we went to the beach and he'd jump into the water and swim around."

Two weeks later we're hanging out and my aunt tells dad she heard the story about his horse, and asked what kind of horse it was.

"a seahorse"

(in dutch he talked about a dog, and a seal in dutch is "zeehond" (seadog))

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lewney
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
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Collection of dadness

I am not a dad at the moment, but I've learned the art of pretty clever puns in college. Some are mine, some are spins on inspirations, others are more on the joke side of dad.

What does a radioactive cat have?
18 half-lives

Ventriloquists are like psychiatrists, they both talk through things.

What is my vision?
To make the world 10% better?
No, it's about 20/20...

The invention of the shovel was truly a groundbreaking discovery.

Dad: I invested in some uranium, but I lost money.
Friend: What happened?
Dad: The Profit decayed.

We have received a report of a hole being discovered in the ground, our investigative team is looking into it.

There was an explosion at a local film manufacturing company, the story is still developing as we speak.

A local theater put together an act about jokes.
It was a play on words

SΓΈ, I hΓͺΓ‘rd yΓΆΕ« lΓ¬kΓ« fΓΆrΓ©igΓ± aΓ§Δ‡Δ“Ε„tΕ‘

As an airline mechanic would say, the job has lots of ups and downs.

My New Years resolution will probably be 25 megapixels, or 4K, not sure yet...

There was a river in Egypt no one believed existed, it was known locally as De-Nile.

Dad-Epitaph:
I thought I'd never live to see this day come.

There are two things that are guaranteed to open doors in life.
Push and Pull!

(How to keep an idiot in suspense)
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

A man builds robotic snakes for a living, I guess you could say he was a... python programmer!

A researcher's obsession with mixing stone, sand, lime, and water has yielded concrete results.

A madman once attacked a rider on his horse.
The rider had to goto hospital, the horse remains in stable condition.

A man bought a paper shop, it blew away in the wind last night.

Science is all about learning the rules, setting off an absurd amount of explosives, and then writing down what happened.

It has recently been discovered that scientific research causes cancer in rats.

Dad: Did you pick up your room?
Kid: No, I tried but it's too heavy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2018
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So if you were about to kill someone, what kind of pun would you make?

So if you were to tie someone to a horse, then shove the horse off a cliff, what kind of pun would you say as the guy fell to his death?

This is for a story I'm working on, but I can think of is "Get off your high horse," "Have a nice ride," or "Air Horse One!" - and the last one would be anachronistic given the medieval setting. :(

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MimiTheFirst
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2015
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The one about the

Two horses are talking in a field. One starts telling a story about the races at sandown, where he was coming last with no chance, when all of a sudden he got this tingling feeling up his back. Went real fast, passed the others and won the race.

Other horse says 'that's amazing' same thing happened to me, I'm trailing the field, and I got a wierd tingle up my back, burst of energy and I won the race.

In the next field a greyhound is walking past, he says to the horses 'excuse me' I couldnt help but overhear your conversation, and I have to tell you that even I, at haydock got that tingle in my back, and won the race.

The one horse turns and says to the other...

'Fucking hell, a talking dog!'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eltegs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2017
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