Needless to say, I ignored all the neigh sayers.
I'm going to have to pony up.
They put up some of their grain crops for the gamble. One of the farmers is better at math and so kept a tally. At the end of the day, the other farmer asked the first one if overall they had won or lost anything. The other one responded: "we lost, but just barley."
They're all packed and ready to go, they're at the gate now, and they're off.
EDIT: Thankyou everyone for getting me through this Friday these puns have been ridiculously on form except the one guy that tried to offer counselling advice on a joke thread 🙈
Doctors describe his condition as stable.
Doctors described his condition as stable
The bookies always assume they never even have a shot.
And they're off!
Because no one would bet on a seahorse.
I’ll bet horse congresses never pass any bills.
There was a guy who was a gambler you know, he always bet on the number five, so he went to the horse races. He went on May 5, 2005, at 5:00 o'clock, he went to the fifth race, he bet on the fifth horse.
He got fifth place.
Doc.1: "You won't believe it. Today I got a guy over at the hospital. he had EIGHT plastic horses up his ass!"
Doc.2: "Goodness... What's his condition?"
Doc.1: "Stable."
(Disclaimer: I wish I had been the first to think of this, sadly I wasn't. I've got no clue who came up with this, but I bet he was a dad.)
We went shopping and we're only supposed to pick up a few things but my dad kept putting stuff in the basket I was carrying. When we got to the register...
Me: I'll pay for my stuff, is that it? Well really you should buy it as a tip for carrying your stuff the whole time.
Him: don't bet on the horses, there's your tip.
