What would a Muslim pirate say when he finishes an alcoholic drink after an Islam holiday?

Yarrr my rum-a-done!

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👤︎ u/KMDK2
📅︎ Jun 19 2019
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Told a dad joke while meeting my girlfriend's family

So it was my first time meeting my girlfriend's family and it was a holiday so I had assumed it would go like how it is in the movies, the guy being constantly criticized by the girl's family and told he's not good enough but I must have lucked out as they absolutely loved me, after we had the traditional thanksgiving meal at around 4, her family and I went to the porch to drink and joke around. On the way out to the porch, buzzed me thought it would be hilarious to take someone's ukelele with me and hide it on the porch, I promised myself that before the day is over, I'd use that ukelele as a joke piece and get everyone to love me even more. So the evening is going great, everyone's drunk, laughing, telling funny family stories when all of a sudden, I stand up, get everyone's attention and I grab the ukelele, picked it up and said

"I like to play a little guitar"

The hysterical, drunken laughs of everyone on the porch was the highlight of the best Thanksgiving I've ever had.

👍︎ 1k
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📅︎ Nov 29 2015
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Dadjokes transcend international borders

Today, whilst on holiday in Spain, I sent a photo to my dad captioned "loving life, drinking sangria by the pool".

The response: "might want to slow down and just drink it by the glass"

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👤︎ u/wtps
📅︎ May 24 2016
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I was walking down my street when I saw a poster on my neighbour's front door.

"GOING ON HOLIDAY TOMORROW! Need someone to take care of our dog that doesn't smoke or drink!!"

Well, their dog sounds very healthy.

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👤︎ u/TommehBoi
📅︎ Apr 19 2019
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Nothing better than a dad joke during a potential medical emergency.

When I was a baby, my Mom gave me some cider to drink during the holiday season. After doing this she was told that giving a baby cider that wasn't pasteurized could be dangerous. Panicking she called my Grandfather:

Mom: Dad how do I know if the cider is pasteurized?

Grandfather: Ok hold up the bottle of cider.

Mom: Holds up bottle of cider in front of face

Grandfather: Well it's "past your eyes" now!

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👤︎ u/bostrong
📅︎ Dec 25 2013
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