I was riding on the rollercoaster in Pacifica and saw some cars driving underneath some kind of tunnel, once I drove there it was actually a road connecting these 2 districts, anyone else surprised by this?
Hello Everyone!!! Something you should know about me is that I love the Shawshank Redemption. LOVE IT. Why? Because it is a movie about being fat. FAT??? Wait, isn't it that prison movie? Yes, it's a prison movie about being fat. Don't believe me? Check this out:
Red: "These walls are funny. First you hate 'em, then you get used to 'em. Enough time passes, you get so you depend on them. That's institutionalized.
Heywood: Shit. I could never get like that.
Ernie: Oh yeah? Say that when you been here as long as Brooks has.
Red: Goddamn right. They send you here for life, and that's exactly what they take. The part that counts, anyway."
Change the first part that Red says to this:
"This fat is funny. First you hate it, then you get used to it. Enough time passes, it just becomes who you are. Trapped in fat."
To so many of us, our fat is our prison. First it imprisons our bodies, then it begins to imprison our minds. It takes away our hopes and dreams. It isolates us and then we begin to virtually wall ourselves in. Insulating our lives to protect us from the emotional pain of being fat.
We are going to change that. Change that in all of us. Beginning now, we are no longer trapped in fat. Beginning now, we are people getting healthier. Beginning now, we become different people.
As folks who are SMO, we can be a bit obsessive and we damn sure can be a bit compulsive. I am the world's worst at this. I gotta buy something to make what I'm doing "real". I am getting better at it, but my mind still goes that way at first. Then on top of that, I get 12 shades of gung ho for a week or so then just...stop.
There won't be any need for us to do that stuff on this challenge. We don't need to buy anything for this challenge. We don't need to spend a red ass cent. Or red ass quid. Or a red ass one cent euro thing. Neither rupee nor yen will need to be spent because on this challenge, because you cannot buy your way to success.
And yet, you are going to do awesome.
The rules are pretty damn simple:
- Eat at a 20% caloric deficit and don't eat ANYTHING until you know it's calorie count.
- Exercise/walk/clean the house/kitchen/potty/do laundry for 15 minutes a day.
- Every night, before you go to bed, take a minute and think about something that you did or saw that made you smile/feel good.
That's it. Be conscious of what you eat. Be consciously active. Be consciously happy. Do those three things and you win. Hell, it's
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
Do your worst!
How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
Jim spent the first half of 1974 either with Wendy or being baby-sat by the Holbrook family. As time passed, Jim felt more comfortable being with Luke and Audrey and their kids, which now included April Lynn, as she would be known. Jim was only too happy to help Audrey with April Lynn, feeding her and helping change her diaper from time to time. By the time April Lynn was born, Julie’s bottle and pacifier were taken, and Malachi had begun potty training. By Memorial Day of 1974, Malachi was officially out of diapers. On the other hand, Julie would be in diapers for about another year.
Wendy still worked at Eckerd Drugs. She also made time for Jim as well. Wendy still took Jim with her to some places. Jim’s die-cast metal car collection continued to grow. By the fall of 1974, he had cars from almost every car maker in the world. His collection had cars from Ford, Chrysler, American Motors and General Motors. But his collection also had some cars from foreign makes like Ferrari, Porsche, Mercedes, Renault (just to name a few), and even some he could not pronounce. Wendy made a promise to herself that she would get Jim at least one car a week for as long as Jim was a young person. She would make good on that promise.
Wendy enrolled Jim in kindergarten in the summer of 1974. His elementary school years would be spent at nearby Dilworth Elementary School. This school, as well as the others that would follow, would hold great importance to Jim. Dilworth Elementary would be where Jim would make a lot of friends, friends that would make a major difference in his life. But most importantly, Jim would learn, and he would learn a lot. And the hard work would pay off in the long run.
Kindergarten was a lot of fun for Jim. He did learn a lot, about letters and words and numbers. He also made some new friends along the way. The first one he made was one that would be a life-long friend. His name was Mark Cavanaugh. Like Jim, Mark also enjoyed playing with toy cars. Mark had two sisters and a brother. The brother, Simon Cavanaugh, was about a year younger than Jim. The older sister, Alexandria Cavanaugh (Alex for short), was now two years old. Alex had just become a big sister and Mark and Simon had just become big brothers to a baby girl named Sydney Cavanaugh. Their parents were named Brad and Autumn. And Jim found out something else about the Cavanaughs. Right now, they lived in a nice house just a short distance from the Faulkner
... keep reading on reddit ➡For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
And now I’m cannelloni
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
And boy are my arms legs.
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
Calcium, nickel, neon
Put it on my bill
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
Or would that be too forward thinking?
