Hey Monday Puns

Little sister: Hey dad do you want to try this amazing sundae

Dad: No thanks, I prefer Mondays

So my 1st Born came into this world on Monday night and we were discharged on Thursday. Upon leaving our room, we were given a metal cart to place our belongings on including our son (in his car seat). As we made our way to the garage, I noticed that when the cart was rolling his car seat would rock a bit. I took this opportunity to exclaim “hey (son’s name) you’re really rockin’ ‘n’ rollin’ now.” My wife then truly realized what is in store for her.

I'm making enchiladas for my work tomorrow but I forgot to buy baby jack cheese for my cheese enchiladas. I've been calling stores to ask them ahead if they have any, but no store in my neighborhood has it.

I told my dad about my frustrations as I was calling Food 4 Less, and my dad said, "Hey if they don't have it, tell them - tell 'em, 'Well you guys don't have JACK!'"

I then put my hands on my face began groaning as he closed out with, "I perform every Monday through Thursday!"

I go play Monday night's at a church league, and the whole event is organized by this guy Rob:

Rob: Hey, did you guys hear on the radio today about that celebrity who stabbed her husband?

Us: No, who was it?

Rob: Um, what was her name. Reese...

Us: Witherspoon?!

Rob: No, with her knife

Us: ....