From my 5-year-old son: "Hey"
True story; it even happened last night. My 5-year-old son walks up behind me and out of the blue says, "hey."
I turn to him and say, "yeah, kiddo? What's up?"
He responds, "it's dead grass."
I'm really confused and trying to figure out what's wrong and what he wants from me. "What? There's dead grass? What's wrong with that?"
.
.
.
He says, totally straight-faced, "hay is dead grass," and runs off.
Initially I didn’t believe that my chiropractor was any good.
But now I stand corrected.
Hey did you ever hear about the psychic that only gives you good news?
Why don't dinosaurs make good pets?
Hey, anyone know any good Sword fighting puns ? Trying to think of any
.. words with a dual meaning.
Hey daddy- how do you know when a drink is sick?
It becomes cough-y.
-My 11 year son a few moments after I had coffee go down the wrong pipe and had a bit of a coughing fit.
proud dad noises
Bill Gates: Hey Melinda, can I keep the MS Office as part of the divorce settlement?
Melinda Gates: Bill, ...you have my Word.
"Hey, Ronald McDonald - been watching any good clown movies?"
'Hey, what are you chewing, Dora?'
Hey Dad, what is that black sticky stuff in the small jars called?
I don't know son, but your ma might.
Stolen from: Dad Jokes
YouTube has some good finds
My son has recently taken up an interest in music. We're constantly going back and forth trying to stump the other with trivia. He thought he had me when he chorused, "Hey, dad, what genre are national anthems?!" I laughed, "That's easy!"
at the beach, i found a broken sand dollar, and i turned to Daughter, and said, hey i found a rapper...
she immediately responded, "50 cent"
it was rewarding because i could visibly see her internal groan at dumb dad joke, but then also self-horror that she was so quick to get the joke... win-win-win!!
"Hey man so I was walking trough the forest yesterday and I came across this complete freak. He was laughably tall and thin and wore a suit in the woods like a weirdo. I'm certain he's some kind of psycho stalker."
My GF dressed up as a police woman and told me I was under arrest under the suspicion that I was good in bed c
After 3 mins all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence
Hey wanna know a billionaires kryptonite?
"Hey dad, I'm trans"
"I have no son"
"Thanks for supporting me"
I'm sure this has been done but it got a chuckle out of me
Edit wow, I wasn't expecting an award. Thank you kind stranger!
A good sense of humour is jenetic
I finally quit drinking for good
His Outlook is not too good
I am so good at sleeping
I can do it with my eyes closed.
What made the mushroom forager such a good person?
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the paper towel?"
The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!"
A two-star officer was so vain about how good he looked in the updated uniform...
...he ordered all flare guns to be loaded with an action figure in his likeness. That's right:
the Very model of a modern major general.
I’ve been good. No ice cream on Thursday. None on Friday. None on Saturday.
My parents found this while camping... someone has a good sense of humour
Hey, aren’t you a Pediatrician?
Why do they call it “Delivery” and not “Take-out”?
Dude 1: Hey bro Dude 2: Yeah bro? Dude 1: Can you hand me that pamphlet?
Don't know if this was posted here before
What do you call a group of deaf people?
I don't know. But it is definitely not herd.
Such a pointless conversation.
My dad wanted to post something on Reddit and I told him there’s specific subs he would want to post on and certain ways to post
And he responded “oh so there’s reddiquette to it then”
(Also he’s on Reddit now so if he sees this then hi dad)
Whoever thought it was a good idea to make a lower case L and and upper case i look the same must have been Ill.
What you you call a tree when it says to you, "Hey, you look good today!"?
You know, one good thing came out of quarantine
All my jokes became inside jokes
My Bluetooth speaker wasn’t working so I threw it into the lake.
A good way to strike up a conversation with someone you find attractive
What do you call someone who is incredibly good at estimating the weight of objects?
To the person who stole my MS Office License.
I will find you. You have my Word.
I told my wife I saw a deer on the way to work.
She said how do you know he was headed to work?
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