Hey Babe Puns

Yes because you stale my heart

".....cuz you got dat assssss, ma!"

I spit out my cornflakes and ironically was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe.

Wife: Really?? What the hell happened?

Me: They must have been made that way. How else would you be able to get your feet into them?

Wife: eyeroll

God I'm good!

See ya later pollinator.

Me: hey babe, I mustache you a question

Hubby: ok but just so you know, eyebrows google. And if you ask me too many questions, eyelash out.

Me: lol post that on r/dadjokes

Hubby: I mean I would, but I feel like everybody already nose

🤣🤣🤣🤣

A couple of nights ago my girlfriend and I spotted a white jackrabbit in the field near our house. We noticed one again tonight on our drive home:

Girlfriend: Hey look, it's the Easter bunny.

Me: Huh, pretty sure that's the same jackrabbit from the other night.

Girlfriend: Can't be a jackrabbit, its ears are way too small.

Me: We're clearly just splitting hares here, babe.

It took a second, but she responded with the desired groan and the "you're an idiot" face push-away. Victory.

"Hey babe, I'm kinda hungry. Can you toast some bread for me?"

raises glass

"To bread!"

I never got my toast.

Me: "hey, how's the omelet, babe?"

Gf: "it's good, a little cheesy though"

Me: "yeah, they usually have better jokes"

About a week ago, tonic water exploded out of the bottle as I was opening it, showering the kitchen. I was cleaning up, and decided to bust out the swiffer pad, because it's faster. (Heh.)

Anyway, this is the conversation that followed between my girlfriend and I.

> Her - Ugh those swiffer pads smell awful.

> Me - Really? Huh. I hadn't noticed.

> Her - Yeah, remind me to pick some up at the store.

A short silence.

> Me - Hey babe...?

> Her, leaving the room - I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU ARE REMINDING ME TO BUY SWIFFER PADS RIGHT NOW.

> Me - I'm not! Just wanted to say I love you.

> Her - Awww that is so sweet!

> Me - Also, remember to buy swiffer pads when you go to the store.

I was tired and lying in bed, trying to get some motivation to go to the gym when I thought of a great idea to dadjoke the girlfriend

"Hey babe, can you blow on me?"

"Huh? What?"

"Yeah, just blow on me. Twice please."

She gives me a wtf is going look, but humors me anyway and blows some air on my palm

"One more time please"

Suspiciously blows on my palm again

"...Damn, thought that would have worked. Still waiting to catch my 2nd wind!"

"Hey babe, I wanna paddle this weekend"

"Baby, come on over, I'll start paddling right now"

groan...