I said..."You're a domestic woman, not international"
Actual conversation I had - met with a delightful eyeroll and groan.
...you're looking in Alderaan places.
"I'm sorry", I told her, "I thought it only applied to Happy Women."
Any “sham rock” will do.
She told me to get lost...
I said, “you need an ALTITUDE adjustment.”
Bring your girlfriend: 25% off
Bring your wife: 50% off
Bring both: Free
They don't want any casual tees.
Now I'm living in a cottage with 6 dwarves and working in a mine.
"...40 second birthday". I was so proud.
I thought that that was interesting, because I also cum with a toy.
Because he couldn't find the Droid he was looking for! 😂
Happy Star Wars Day!
It only comes around once a year.
You're looking for love in Alderon places
Happy star wars day
Oops, well I knew the punchline was supposed to be a parent.
This is not a joke.
I repeat. This is not a joke.
Do not laugh.
However, do have a fantastic day. All of you other dads and your jokes. Good luck winning some groans and eye rolls.
Son: Happy Father’s Day, Dad
Dad: Happy Sunday, Son
I'm a son without a father... I lost him a few days ago to a heart attack and I just... can't stop crying
We both used to check out this sub daily for amazing dad jokes and laugh at them together... We'd try to form our own stupid stuff
I used to wake up for college early in the morning I'd cook some breakfast for him get ready and before leaving I'd wake him up and tell him a stupid dad joke... I'd want to see him start his day with a smile
I just want to thank you all in this sub for giving me and my dad happiness your jokes made us laugh at our worst times
Out of habit I keep getting up to go to his room with a dad joke... Only to see it empty
I'm never gonna get to mess around with my dad again... I'm never going to hang out with him again he's not going to be there to see me grow up and buy a house of my own ... He's not going to see me buy a car of own ... He's not going to see me get married... He's gone forever and I will never get to start my day with a smile again from a silly dad joke with him
He wasn't the greatest dad but he certainly was the best I could ever ask for ... I will miss you dad
Thank you r/dadjokes to all the amazing dads here and their funny and stupid jokes
Edit : thank you so much dad's for your overwhelming support I love you guys and I just want to take a moment to thank all the people here who shared their experiences as well of having lost a parent... Your story inspires me to continue forward with the torch
Also I'm seeing quite a few comments saying the post is not funny and that they came for a laugh... I'm truly sorry about that, I just really wanted to honor my dad in this sub since we spent so much time together here scrolling for jokes and I needed the push from you dads to get back on my feet
I'm never going to be the same that's for sure knowing a peice of me has been lost forever... The void will never be filled in my heart But your support is just what I needed, once again thank you dads I love you
Edit 2: thank you so much dads for your overwhelming support I know I haven't been able to respond to all the dms and messages here but I've been reading them all and it's just made me smile in the worst Thank you dads you guys are the best
He was Dublin over with laughter.
If anyone hasn’t got a father, I’m selling some.
£10 a pop.
May your day be filled with laughter and children groaning at your terrible puns.
…and to those of you who have impregnated Kleenex!
...were born at womb temperature.
Dad: Thanks son.
Son: I’ll call you later.
Dad: Don’t call me later. Call me Dad.
Turned out to be a Fonzie scheme
but I've dot to dash
Because he was worried it might be Chewie.
Happy Star Wars Day. May the 4th be with you...
Because you can never have too much pie! Happy Pi Day! 🥧😁
…’cause we fill it up with only TWO
Denim denim denim.
(Happy Mar10 Day!)
This was not any ordinary bird however, as he was able to speak and understand English at a perfect level. For quite a while, he didn't use it much to his advantage. He was content simply fluttering around and living peacefully with his bird wife.
But one day, tragedy struck! Our bird one day woke up to an empty nest, no bird kids, no bird wife, just him and some twigs.
He starts asking around his bird community, and eventually pieces together that his bird wife got tired of him and his lack of ambition. She took the bird kids and flew off to stay with her bird Mother.
Our bird was left with an overwhelming sense of listlessness, realizing that everything he had worked towards in his bird life was now gone.
Our bird, now destitute and lonely, decided he was tired of bird life, and wanted to use his English speaking ability to try something new.
He decides to fly into the nearest human town, and observe for a bit. He perched himself on a tree overlooking the main street of the town, and simply watched.
After an hour or two, he noticed several people heading into a building, one labelled as "Bar". He decides that if he wants to truly utilize his prowess of the English language, the best place to start is with other English speakers, so he flies down to the building and hops his way inside.
Our bird makes his way over the bar, hops up on a stool, and says "Hey bartender, can I get a drink?" The bartender and a few other people nearby notice that these words came out of a bird and are immediately and completely enthralled and bewildered by this sight.
The bartender saunters over and asks "Did you just ask for a drink? But you're a bird! I've never seen anything like this before, but if you want a drink I'm happy to oblige".
The bartender pours the bird some water, places it in front of him, and they start chatting. After realizing what was happening, every patron at the bar is standing around the bird, eager to get another peek at this otherworldly phenomenon. People ask the bird some questions, and the bird happily responds, informing them all of his plight and his goal to take full advantage of his gift. More people make their way to him, snapping pictures and videos to share with their friends. The bird loves all the attention and is more than happy to indulge each and every customer who comes up to him.
After a few hours, closing time rolls around. Most people make their way out of the bar, ecstatic to share their newfound memories with family an
... keep reading on reddit ➡As a child I don’t think fathers realize how much we love and appreciate them and wanted to share it, even though this isn’t a joke.
Not a dadjoke per se, but I enjoyed it. He (12 since conception) didn't get it at first, but after further realization...didn't think it was funny. (Neither did the wife, btw)
Irish everyone a happy St Patrick's Day
I replied “Well Grandma, I hate to break it to you, but you grew up with nothing because you kept leaving the door unlocked!”
May the forks be whisk you
I said, “you need an Altitude adjustment!”
"...40 second birthday". I was so proud.
If you can’t kiss the Blarney Stone today, just use a fake substitute. Any sham rock will do.
