I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Do your worst!
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
"I remember when I heard that the lemurs of Terra had suffered a Great Die Off, as if a Great Filter had swooped down from the darkness and eliminated them. I rejoiced, because that meant my people would survive.
"Then it became knowledge that it was an attack upon the Mad Lemurs of Terra by a species that my species could barely comprehend, much less fight.
"It was then I lamented the loss of the Mad Lemurs of Terra and asked 'who will save my people?' to a malevolent universe.
"And the universe answered: Behold! Humanity!" - Former Grand Most High Sma'akamo'o, from I Have Ridden the Hasslehoff
7th Army Bugler
All news, no rumors.
7th ARMY REGROUPS!
For the first time in nearly four hundred years, all of the 7th Army is located in one place as they undergo force retraining, reconstitution, and reinforcement. Having done a massive interstellar movement from multiple theaters of combat, V and VII Corps, along with other attached elements, has moved to the planet TLK-38732.
With the fact that dependents have been moved from all over the galactic arm, this has represented Space Force's largest logistical movement in its history and nearly a billion dependents, civilian contractors, and support personnel have all gathered on the planet.
This movement and reconstitution comes at a time where things are urgent for Space Force and the Confederate Armed Services. With the Atrekna pushing across all fronts and making deep strikes to the rear areas, time is of the essence.
With 7th Army being the vanguard of the Confederate Army, the pressure is on to finish reconstitution and redeploy to allow 4th Army and 9th Army to fall back and regroup. [WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW MORE?]
9th GUARD EMERGES VICTORIOUS
Despite heavy losses in the Halveran-19 System, the 9th Guard (Old Blood) managed to repel an Atrekna assault in full force. After six years of steady warfare (local time) the fabled 9th Guard emerged stronger than ever despite losses due to the Great Die Off. With the addition of the Nakaskian species to their ranks, the 9th Guard is at full strength and is redeploying to take the fight to the Atrekna.
The 9th Guard is currently opening their ranks to thos
... keep reading on reddit ➡Because she wanted to see the task manager.
They’re on standbi
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
When I got home, they were still there.
I won't be doing that today!
[Removed]
Where ever you left it 🤷♀️🤭
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
There hasn't been a post all year!
You take away their little brooms
Calendar Details:|2021-12-04 20:00 UTC|Arma 3: Sci-Fi|Operation Blunderscape
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Situation
The conflict on Arcadia has been lasting for quite some time between the Amalgamate Republic (AR) and the Scion Empire (SE). Our forces (AR) are planning a raid on an Atlas Corp city that provides support for their local trade operations. Only problem is that the moment we try to enter the main gates we will be lit up. Luckily higher command has assigned a team of sentinels to assist us with our mission.
Mission
Our mission is to recover an unknown crate from Atlas Corp that was meant to be sold to our forces, but they reneged on the deal. Now we need to perform a raid on New Delhi to recover our equipment and fallback to our headquarters
Our objectives are:
- Assault the main gate and the landing platform of New Delhi
- PLT will be main effort in attacking the gate
- Sentinels will assaault from the customs gate and be a distraction
- Charlie (If numbers permit) will assist the sentinels
- Recover the equipment
- Transport to main base at Erseke
- Defend the area until reinforcements arrive
Friendly Forces
Even though the planet is a hot spot for conflict right now we have allies in adjoining areas that will keep the SE busy for the time being, but that could change
Enemy Forces
Atlas Corp: At the moment they are neutral and think we are sending a team to negotiate for the equipment. Once they see that none of our diplomats are present they will begin to attack the sentinels. Once that happens we can expect the following forces:
- Atlas Corp mercenaries with small arms and launchers
- Armored cars with medium weaponry
- Elite "samurai" guards
- Warbots
- Gunships
Scion Empire: This one is a little more tricky. These guys have it all. Everything from small arms to armor and aircraft. If we encounter these forces we need to defeat them quickly before we get overwhelmed. Scion Empire is known to have the following
- Military Police assigned to New Delhi. Mi
It was about a weak back.
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
-
Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
-
French/Finnish art
-
Country/Canadian rap
-
Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
-
Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
Nothing, it just waved
Him: I can explain everything!
(It's his best joke yet I think)
Bob
So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."
Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.
