I made this video in good humor only... please do not take it as offense in any way, shape, or form!

Life as a Stay at Home Dad (honest humor nothing against Stay at Home Dads)

As as an aspiring father figure, I have the greatest respect for dads of every kind. In fact, much of this stems from the fact I’ve grown up from the age of 6 without a father of my own. I made this video as a comical representation of what I hope to be one day: a guy full of dad jokes and such humor.

Thank you for reading and enjoy!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mosswyatt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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I dont need kidneys

I already have grown up knees.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brandknewcar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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A Dad joke planted as a seed, which took 17 years to flower.

Not quite as tragic, but it manifested into something which has haunted me at my job for years.

When I was a little kid learning about the world around me, my dad was naturally the font of all knowledge for me, He would answer all of little snippersmith's questions with his own unique insights and anecdotes teaching me of my surroundings with varying degrees of accuracy.

One day In a picture book, I encountered a photo of one of natures most bizarre creatures, the mighty duck billed platypus. Filled with curiosity of this bizarre creature and an Inability to read a young snippersmith asked his father what this creature was called, To which his father replied,

That's a Quackopotamous.....

As is a highly likely situation in day to day life the Platypus (or indeed the Quackopotamous), did not come into conversation for another 17 years, Until of course the Platypus came into conversation around the lunch table at a now grown up snippersmith's full time place of work.

I have not been allowed to forget I thought the Platypus was called a Quackopotamous, Indeed I am reminded on a daily basis by my colleagues, by my nickname Quackopotamous .

Thanks Dad.

EDIT 1: Holy Cow this took off! Gold! thank you so much.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snippersmith
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2016
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I tried jumping off of a cliff yesterday

I don't think he was up for a grown man jumping off his shoulders.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hairy_Swinger
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
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A squirrel is sitting on a branch in a pine tree when suddenly he feels the whole tree begin to shake violently.

He looks down and sees that a full-grown elephant is slowly clambering up the tree. When the elephant finally reaches the branch the squirrel asks, "Why on earth did you climb up into this pine tree?!"

The elephant then says, "I came up here to eat some pears, of course."

The squirrel, completely shocked at the elephant's ignorance, exclaims, "You elephants don't know the first thing about trees! This is a PINE tree, there are no pears here."

The elephant then explains, "Oh, I know, I brought my own."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RhapsodicRaven
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
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Jack and the Beanstalk meets Little Red Riding Hood

This is the story of Jack and the Beanstalk, after the story ends. After chopping down the beanstalk, Jack realizes that he’s actually pretty damn good with an axe, and casual vegetative vandalism really struck his fancy, so he began chopping down other trees for a living. He became a traveling woodsman, and he enjoyed many years of his simple life of manual labor.

One day, as he chops wood, he hears screams from a nearby cottage. Hurriedly breaking in (because recall: jack has no problem with entering houses uninvited), he sees a cross dressing lycanthrope attempting to devour a little girl dressed all in red and her little grandmother too. Wielding his trusty axe, Jack murdered yet another fantasy creature, and safely led Little Red all the way back home. Answering the door was a beautiful woman of around his age. After sending Little Red to bed, the two of them talked for hours.

One thing led to another, and a year later they were married with a child on the way. They had a beautiful little boy named Jack Junior who followed in his father’s steps to become a woodsman. This was fortunate, because as Junior grew up, Jack was feeling the pain of his previous adventures. An old back injury from jumping from the beanstalk was haunting him, and over time his posture grew more and more hunched. He had a tough time working, but at least Junior was becoming a strapping young man.

One day, Jack and Junior took the long road to the grandmothers place to bring her a meal, just like that fateful trio Red took so many years ago. When they arrived, the grandmother greeted them cheerily, welcoming them in and making conversation. β€œOh Junior,” she said, β€œyou’ve grown into such a handsome and strong young man. It’s so kind of you to handle all the work so your poor father, with his bad back and all, doesn’t have to. Why don’t you have a girlfriend yet?” Junior hesitated. β€œWell Grandma,” he replied. β€œIt’s because... I’m gay”. The close-minded, set-in-her-ways grandma’s expression became stormy. She pulled poor hunched-over Jack into adjacent room, and whispered angrily: β€œJack, your life is a mess! Your posture is terrible and your son isn’t giving me any grandsons!” Jack replied: β€œMa, we’re happy, you can’t just-β€œ But she interrupted. β€œNo excuses!” She snapped. β€œYou need to straighten your lumbar, Jack!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coyoteTale
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2017
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My step ladder

My colleague in work was talking about when someone can be classed as grown-up and said that anyone that owns his own ladder should instantly be considered a proper grown up. He then asked if I had a ladder.

I replied 'I've got a step ladder, my real ladder left me when I was young'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/themanfromwales
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2014
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What's the difference between a normal joke and a dad joke?

Normal jokes are created, dad jokes are grown.

Made this one up for my unsuspecting kids today and got the desired results : )

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BXCellent
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2018
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No One Appreciated My Work On Christmas...

Context, we had family over my parent's house and were talking about what all us kids have been up too since we are grown now. They were talking about my cousin that just became an RN when I dropped gold that wasn't appreciated.

Cousin: "Yeah, she is doing great down in Florida now at a great hospital. She's a nurse on a really prestigious floor."

Me: "Hmm, must be made of marble or something."

My cousin: "Huh?"

Me: "It's a prestigious floor. It must be made of marble or something."

No one got it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_Are_Brown_Bear
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2013
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Just got my own dad

He called to brag about some home gown jokes they just thought up.

I asked if these were home 'grown' or 'groan'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/red3biggs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2016
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My dad loves it when people yawn...

He sticks his index finger right in their mouth and pulls out before they finish.

It makes little kids and grown-ups alike laugh. He still gets me from time to time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CalmConquistador
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2013
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My 3 year old daughter got me this weekend

I was face up under the sink, replacing the garbage disposal. Had just started on the wiring when she kicked me and asked what I was doing:

"trying to get grounded" I said.

"Daddy. You can't get grounded. You're a grown-up!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boxwoodwolf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2016
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Sitting at a company dinner when the boss man dropped this on us.

Waitress: sorry sir, we are out of baby potatoes, would you like to replac-

Boss: what about grown up potatoes, do you have those?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_right_droids
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2016
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A father and her disappointing daughter.

So there's a girl, who just graduated from High School as an honors student but just a few A's away from making Valedictorian. After her graduation, her father walks up to her and says "you've let me down."

The girl goes to medical school. Once again, she graduates near the top of her class but isn't the top of her class. The father walks up to her and says "you've let me down."

The girl was nominated for a big promotion in her hospital but was just a few marks away from securing it. Her father walks up to her and says "you've let me down."

Years pass. The woman has grown to hate her father. One day, she receives a letter saying her father had passed away. Forgetting all of her hate, she gets on the next flight to her mother's home.

As soon as she arrives, her mother hands her a letter detailing one final request from her father.

"At my funeral, I would like to have my daughter lower my body into my grave so she can let me down one more time."

EDIT: Grammar, wording, etc.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/salingerparadise
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2015
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I got my friend in the car yesterday.

We were driving home through the neighborhood where we had both grown up.

Him: "My old piano teacher lived here. "

Me: "That's cool. What makes an old piano different?"

He took a second but just shook his head.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/karankshah
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2015
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Pulled this one at brunch today.

A couple friends and I were eating and had been talking about the history of ethnic cleansing in Bosnia.

Friend: Wow, were actually having a real grown-up conversation.

The conversation progressed on and eventually evolved into an inappropriate discussion on our pooping schedules.

Friend: So much for our adult conversation.

Me: Ya it totally went down the toilet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/intelligentleman2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2014
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The Greatest Infidelity Joke My Grandfather Ever Told Me.

Recently, Joe has been under the slight suspicion that his wife is cheating on him. So, one day he comes home early from work, to his crap-shoot apartment on the eighth floor, and hears her scurrying around when he enters. Almost as if there's another person in the house. When he calls out her name she hollers back that she just ran into the shower. So he investigates the bedroom and encounters a shocking surprise... a pair of hands dangling from the other side of the window sill! Those of a grown man, hanging on for dear life. Infuriated at the sight of the man who's sleeping with his wife, Joe takes the bedside lamp and starts bashing the guy's fingers until he falls eight stories onto the sidewalk. Only he's still alive, writhing and broken. So Joe hauls the refrigerator from the kitchen out the window, sending it down onto the poor sucker, killing him instantly. Now the hysteria of the moment induces a fatal heart attack and Joe himself, dies. So now, as he's up at the pearly gates, St. Peter is telling all the incoming souls that in order to gain access into heaven, they need to provide a solid account of how they died. After hearing Joe's story, St. Peter allows him in. The next man in line says that he was tanning in the sun, drunk, on the roof of his apartment building when he fell off, only to catch hold of a window sill that could have saved his life, until a crazed bastard beat his fingers and threw a refrigerator onto him. St. peter tells him that he's a shoe-in. And when he asks the next guy in line how he ended up deceased, the guy replies, "...So I'm naked in a refrigerator, right?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jazzinassazzin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2015
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there is a storm blowing in

My mom was browsing weather.com come and announced a storm blowing in called "Meso k9" Without skipping a beat my dad grins "Sounds like one dog of a storm" tbh i didnt even grown, but gave him two thumbs up

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anthonyshore
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2014
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My dad dropped this one at the dinner table.

Dad: what's an Eskimo's favorite Mexican food?

Me: I don't know.

Dad: a burrrrrrrrrito! (Cracks up laughing)

Me:(grown)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/susejdotcom
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2014
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