Which rock group has four men, one named George and another who was shot to death?

Mount Rushmore.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/wimpykidfan37
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 18 2021
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Ugh the new drummer just freaked out when they heard our musical groupโ€™s name is โ€˜Fresh Breath Candyโ€™

They must have a band of mint issues.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ilikesidehugs
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 24 2022
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We are having a penis painting themed birthday party for a friend. I have run dry on puns in this category. Looking for a good pun to name the group. Thank you in advance
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/zknepp
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 24 2022
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My wife has send me to a therapy group for people who don't have any opinions of their own.

I don't know what to say.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 35
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/GiborDesign
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 28 2023
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What do you call a group of people, when most of them are named Joe?

The Majoerity

๐Ÿ‘︎ 43
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MiksMuks
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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A group I am in have named ourselves team tree and in the spirit of the name we wanted to use as many tree related puns as possible, please help us!

We have the obvious ones like, let's make like a tree and leaf and our group is always branching out, but we would love as many as you can come up with!

Thanks guys

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/neptune121
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 31 2017
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What do you call a group of women named Kara standing in a row?

Caroline!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/falconman478
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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My wife said a woman in her mom's group was thinking of naming her baby Amazon

"sounds like a prime choice," I replied.

"Heck, that baby could grow up to be a girl on fire," I continued.

"Please stop," my wife said.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 241
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/camram07
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 15 2015
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I need a name for a running group.

I had one in mind but I'm having trouble jogging my memory and am running out of ideas. Any help is much appreciated.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 21
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/canadasecond
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 27 2013
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A group of Christian monks want to create a band. What's their name?

AD/BC

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Sinnaig
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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What's the name of that new rap group taking the world by storm with an infectious sound ?

The Wuhan Clan

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tinyroundballs
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
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A group of friends are heading through Louisville and a debate ensues as to how to pronounce the name of the city.

One says it's Lewis-Ville. The next one says the locals say Lew-ville and the last one says they say Lewie-ville. After arguing for a few minutes they see a place to get some lunch. They all agree it would be great to hear how the locals pronounce the name of their city. They all go up to the counter and one says, could you tell me where we are and please say it slowly. BURR-GURR-KIIING!!!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/timthedriller
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
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If Michael Cera started a three-part-harmony vocal group, they could be named the Tri-Cera-Tops.
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/zackdinerstein
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 22 2015
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My friends and I are doing a project on Mars and our group name was, โ€œDeimos! at the Discoโ€

Because Deimos and Phobos are Marsโ€™s moons. Phobos means Fear and you can guess what Deimos means

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PumpkinSpicePotato
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
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After playing our set at the local block party, a group of kids walked up to the stage and the leader laughed, "You rock pretty good for a buncha ole geezers, but why the heck did you name your band, 'Bald Patch'!?" I shrugged and said...

"To be honest, it was off the top of my head."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 15
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A list of over 350 Dad Jokes!

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit theyโ€™re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. โ€œIโ€™d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,โ€ it says. โ€œSorry, but I canโ€™t serve you,โ€ the bartender replies. โ€œYouโ€™re out of your head.โ€

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. โ€œWe donโ€™t serve your kind here,โ€ the bartender says. โ€œWhy not?โ€ one yogurt asks. โ€œWeโ€™re cultured.โ€

A friend of mine didnโ€™t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. Heโ€™s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and thereโ€™s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, โ€œWhat are you staring at? Havenโ€™t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?โ€ The guy says, โ€œItโ€™s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.โ€

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, โ€œWhatโ€™s with the paper towel?โ€ The pirate says, โ€œArrr! Iโ€™ve got a Bounty on me head!โ€

A turtle is crossing the road when heโ€™s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, โ€œI donโ€™t know. It all happened so fast.โ€

Armed robbersโ€”some say theyโ€™re a drain on society, but youโ€™ve got to give it to them.

Barbersโ€ฆyou have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Donโ€™t forget the pickle. Itโ€™s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. Thereโ€™s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewisโ€ฆ Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Bugasum
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 10 2022
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I found a global group for people named Paige.

There are around 100 Paige's in my local chapter.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Onegodoneloveoneway
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 16 2018
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Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.

Mt. Rushmore!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/gt0t
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 15 2018
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[Meta] I need help finding more ways to answer my phone to people I obviously know!

Currently when someone calls me (like a wife or kid), and it's obvious I know them or am expecting the call, I still answer: 'Who is this?!' all indignant like.

Are there any other ways I can answer the phone to get some serious groanage?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/wafflecheese
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 07 2022
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New resistance movement appearing in occupied cities

Not much is known about the group at this time, just their name - The Ohm Guard

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/astronautom
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 27 2022
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Australian dad joke

In my book group the other day we were talking about overseas travel.

One guy had been to Australia years ago. โ€œWhatโ€™s the name of that big rock in the middle of the continent?โ€ he asked. Somebody said, Ayers Rock.

โ€œYeah, thatโ€™s it.โ€ he said. โ€œI climbed it.โ€

โ€œWow, you climbed Ayers Rock?โ€

โ€œYeah, but they donโ€™t let you do that any more.โ€

I piped right up: โ€œClimb-it change.โ€

Loud groans and shaking heads all around. Dad joke accomplished.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 40
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/zu-den-sternen
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 19 2021
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We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didnโ€™t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 30
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/communist_scumbag
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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Can someone connect mental health and dentistry in a pun?

I hope this appropriate to ask here. I am going to create a mental health support group on Facebook for Australian/New Zealand dental students and am needing a catchy/punny name. Currently there exists two mental health support groups that I know of on Facebook, both for dentists and not students. One is called Mental Dental and the other is called The Mental Block (alluding to the mental nerve in dentistry), so obviously I can't use those.

I'm not great with word games/etc so really appreciate any help. Thank you!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Fallhaven
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A young woman runs a science experiment.

Once, there was a young woman who wanted to do a little psychological experiment. So she carefully bred cherry trees to bloom in multiple colors, and arranged to have them planted such that the trees of one color would spell out the name of some other color. You know, to test the Stroop effect.

However, the instructions (which were, admittedly, odd) weren't transmitted to the workers (all starving underpaid grad students) effectively, so the groups of various colored cherry trees were planted such that the colors matched the names, completely invalidating her experiment.

She's now the Stroop drupe group blooper girl, Stroop drupe blooper girl, Stroop drupe blooper girl...

She now focuses on Anglo-Saxon royalty.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/derleth
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 06 2016
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Need a pun for a name with geography, world locations, etc.

Some friends and I are in a group message with all our names as geography puns, like Anna Montanta, etc. One guy, Joey, also goes by Joe needs one. We've all out our heads together but who other than Reddit to come up with the best one.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thinking_too_hard
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 22 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Request! Help me come up with cheesy pun using words "quetzal" or "monkey"?

I am making cheesy valentine-like cards for my fellow Adventure Monkeys--a name that was dubbed to the group I did humanitarian aid work with in Guatemala. For our last meeting tomorrow, I want to bring cheesy valentine-like cards, but I'm having trouble coming up with a silly pun. I'd like to use the words Quetzal (national bird of Guatemala) or Monkey (for our group) if possible.

Any ideas? I need your brilliant pun minds!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/alliegatorrr
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 25 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
We had an IDEA...

Back a few decades, I was working in a program with a local college in the Middle East.

The name of the program for ExPats has the clever acronym of "IDEA" (hey, I said it was clever); which stands for "Inter-Departmental Educational Adjunct". It's interdepartmental because my particular specialty not only covers field geology but also paleontology and a bit of archeology thrown in for good measure. Everyone hopes to have a good IDEA...

ahem...

Well, we saddle up and head for the Dune Sea out in the west of the country, where the Precambrian, Cambrian, Silurian, Cretaceous, Pliocene, Pleistocene, and Holocene crop out and access is relatively easy and non-injurious.

Well, we caravan out, some 30 Land Cruisers, Nissan patrol, and the odd Mitsubishi Galloper strong. We all get our maps, compasses and split up into 5 or 6 special interest groups ("SIG's"); where each IDEA has his own GPS and LIDAR laser ranging apparatus. Reason being, that there are very few benchmarks out in the desert, and even those are constantly at the mercy of the shifting and ever-blowing sands.

Since we're split into groups and at any one time, ranging up to and including some 50 km2, when a real find is located, a device called the "DIME" (Digital-Interface Monitor Encoder) is attached and programmed into the GPS for location later; it is a digital sort of low-frequency transponder, developed from technology used by offshore drillers and jacket setters where benchmarks are even more transitory.

The way it works is rather simple. When something is to be marked for later retrieval, a series of wooden posts are pounded in a triangular manner around the find and the DIME is set, programmed with the GPS and attached to one or more of the posts.

That's the theory, at least.

Everything works well, especially all the hardened electronics and computer gizmos, but attaching the DIME to the stakes is the real problem. It can't be nailed, screwed or fastened with any sort of metal contrivance as that farkles the magnetic field and causes all sorts of goofy spurious signals. Zip ties don't last long in the heat and duct tape is right out. Many sites have been lost to the shifting sands this way.

Velcro doesn't work too well, as the sand fills the hooks of the receiving piece of velcro and soon renders it useless. String or fishing line work, but that's temporary (they melt). Glue or mastic are out as these are supposed to be temporary. Even plastic sleeves don't work due to the heat out

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Rocknocker
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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Asteroid puns?

I'm a teacher with a group of students doing a science challenge about designing a launcher on an asteroid. A lot of them want to enter the competition with asteroid puns. One group has the name "Kiss my Asteroid." Am open to other suggestions! Thanks!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/puck_u
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 12 2013
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Help me think of punny names for a team!

We are a singing group and we need a team name related to Valentine's Day. Gimme your best punny team name that involves love or singing or both!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/abbystellar
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 01 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Meet the Jack of all dadjokes!

I was asked to help chauffeur a carload of youth around town for a Christmas caroling activity last night. One of the names on the list was Jack, who lost his wife earlier this year. Jack is in his early 90's, stands about 5'2, and is quite possibly the king of all dad jokes.

So, the group of about 25 kids and 5 adults sneak up to his doorstep and begin singing a few short Christmas carols. Eventually, he opens the door and is thrilled to have visitors.

After we are finished singing and the kids are all running back to the vehicles to get out of the 15 degree weather, jack steps out of his doorway and on to his porch. He is wearing a light t-shirt and pajama pants... he was setting us up, and we took the bait, hook, line, and sinker.

Woman: Are you freezing?

Jack: No, I'm not freezing, I'm Jack (pause for laughter)

Jack: but if you hang on for just a minute, I can get freezing for you.

and then he just stood there smiling at us. It was precious. Come to find out, Jack is entering a retirement home in a few days because he is getting to the point that it is hard to take care of himself anymore.

Oh boy, those nurses are in for a treat once Jack gets settled in.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Happyazz84
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 11 2013
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Drive-by dadjoked at a SWE outreach event

A fellow group leader and I were speed copying names of our girls' parents to make the check out process easier later in the day. I told her "You're behind! You need to catch up!" A random dad walking by simply remarked "AND mustard!" and continued on. It took me a second, but I laughed hysterically.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Mystori
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 23 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A couple is touring Moscow...

The husband looks at the cloudy sky and says "It looks like rain" His wife says, "No, it's just cloudy." Their tour guide, a Communist officer named Rudolph, overhears them and says "It will definitely rain." Sure enough, a few minutes later, the heavens open and the tour group runs for cover from the downpour. The husband turns to his wife and says "See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/glyph-bellchime
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 30 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Dad-dom has already started...

27, single, childless With a group of friends about to ride a rollercoaster. I notice that the ride attendants name tag says "DeJa"... and I can feel the dad within me take over.

The ride was fun, we were in the first row... DeJa cheerily welcomes us back into the station, and I, without control of myself, exclaim "OMG it's DeJa, again!" Pause 1 second Entire cart groans in unison.

She convincingly said she had "never heard that one before", but it might have just been expert-level sarcasm.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/oxfouzer
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 12 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I need a catchy name for our ski group, PUNS WELCOME! reddit.com/snowlaughingmaโ€ฆ
๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BananaCakesII
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 27 2013
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didnโ€™t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Josvys
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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Need help with some pun ideas

I need to think of a punny group chat name that works with buff or buffs (like buffalo). Something like โ€œpowerbuff girlsโ€ Iโ€™ve been thinking for days. Letโ€™s here em!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/--Gizmo--
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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i need help for a name

I'm making a group chat for my friend that will basically be me sending weekly dad jokes

i need a good name for the group so they know i mean business

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Furor_Aspect
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I donโ€™t think theyโ€™ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but donโ€™t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

โ€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, โ€˜The good news is..itโ€™ll feel better when it quits hurting.'โ€

Whatโ€™s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

โ€œIโ€™ll call you later!โ€- โ€œPlease donโ€™t do that. Iโ€™ve always asked you to call me Dad!โ€

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

โ€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: โ€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.โ€™โ€

โ€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, โ€˜No, just leave it in the carton!โ€™โ€

I got so angry the other day when I couldnโ€™t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book Iโ€™ve ever read, Iโ€™d say: โ€œWow, thatโ€™s coincidental.โ€

Iโ€™m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build itโ€™s house? Igloos it together.

โ€œMe: โ€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!โ€™ Dad: โ€˜Poof, Youโ€™re a sandwich!โ€™โ€

โ€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

โ€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? Theyโ€™re all girls, otherwise theyโ€™d be uncles.โ€

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth โ€“ its pasteurized before you even see it

โ€œWhatโ€™s Forrest Gumpโ€™s password? 1forrest1โ€

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: โ€œDonโ€™t worry; this is a piece of cake.โ€ I said: โ€œNo, itโ€™s a math problem.โ€

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I donโ€™t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. Iโ€™m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/weeb123xD
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 19 2019
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I need your help

I need your best puns regarding space, astology, etc. It's supposed to be a name of a group so the fewer words the better.

Thank you guys!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Bananen_staude
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
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