Groan Worthy Puns

A stick.

A termite walks into a pub and asks, "Is the bartender here?"

The blank stares before you get it make it all the more amusing. To us.

Context: I just painted my nails, and I wasn't pleased with the outcome.

Me: Well, I had already written off this mani anyway... Sigh, yes, I just said mani.

His response: Well, it would be pretty pedi of me to mock you for it.

Talking to my dad about a physics lecture given by a German professor before dinner. Me: "So, how did he explain Gauss' Law?" Dad: "In German, of course!"

Later, while eating dessert, I saw him eating chocolates Me: "Dad, did you just eat 4 of those chocolates by yourself?" Dad: "No, not by myself. You were with me"

Idk how many of you have seen the post that the redditor said they pulled out a dollar (or card) that said otherwise. I enjoyed it so much that I decided to honor that redditor and spread his legacy with the ones in my life. They may very well not see this post, many may have forgotten about their amazing wit already, but I will make sure that "I have a card that says otherwise" lives on http://imgur.com/DQdAVqa

-Knock knock! -Who's there? -To! -To who? EHEM...To whom!

Though usually dad jokes are groan-worthy puns, I think this fits the category as a very dad-like joke despite the lack of punnery:

I got a message from my truck driver brother-in-law, who says he's hauling "post holes and sailboat fuel" back home today.

How dairy ?

They were already assembled.

He loves Tibet.

Boo-jour!

(We make French Ghosts for breakfast on Sundays, and my kiddos groaned hard at this, thought it was dad joke worthy!)

sELFish desires.

Turns out it was a Fanta sea!

It's easy: it stands out like a Thor Sum.

Grandson: I've never had a rib eye steak before. What's the difference?

Grandpa: This one winks at ya!

All USB related Puns needed! Any pun will do, the more groan-worthy the better!

I say its 8/10 groan worthy.

https://shirt.woot.com/offers/joke-a-cola?ref=w_cnt_gw_dly_img

My Christmas card theme this year is bad puns/dad jokes. I need an especially groan worthy one for my boyfriend's card. Any suggestions?

We were at a grocery store when I was around 16. He bought some groceries and let me pick out a couple of gaming magazines. We got to the register and here is the quick exchange.

Cashier, "Good afternoon! How are you today?"

Dad, "Very good and yourself?"

Cashier, "Good thank you. Are you guys together?"

Dad, "That's disgusting. He's my son!"

The cashier literally looked in horror at my dad. Although it definitely was groan worthy, the reaction made us both laugh. I'll definitely be using this when I have kids.