Greensman Puns

I’m looking for work as a greensman in Los Angeles. I have a degree and experience in horticulture, but I’m having trouble finding work.

I’ve already tried calling the union and their permit list is closed - and probably won’t open until November. Finding non-union work has been tough too.

Does anyone with experience in greens have any advice for what I can do while I wait?

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”

“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.

The doctor says it terminal.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

Mentos

(I will see myself out)

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

He lost May

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.

Gender is fluid.

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

But let me give it a shot.

It really does, I swear!

He’s the new temp.

Sounds like I should be going to the police right? Well, I did... and It didn't work out. Let me explain.

I won't tell you my name, but you can call me Greensman after my profile name. I doesn't link to my real name in anyway. And I'm a thief. Not an expert, but a rather advanced one at that. I know how to pick locks, scout areas, and know what to steal along what to wear and do. My favorite locations to steal from are old factories, wrecking yards, warehouses. And my peak favorite locations: Junk Yards. I pick these places because they usually hold old equipment or metal that I can scavenge and sell for a decent price. Not to mention they are all pretty much completely unguarded. So It's a sweet deal.

So getting back on track with the story, I had just reached the Posil Industrial Wrecking Yard that was a couple clicks out of town. It's basically a huge dirt plane surrounded by trees and fences with a few large warehouses sprinkled throughout holding the best stuff like working cars or appliances. Typically guarded by a few cameras a patrol of 2 security guards. Simple security, but I don't hold my breath for it. The actually good stuff is what the company looks over. A broken washing machine is just a good as a working one if you just need parts. Besides, those things aren't in the system yet, so a legal layer off my back.

Anyhow. I turned my car off the main road up to the security checkpoint of sorts, and instead drove down a nature trail that goes to a rather nice pond in the summer time. After that, I just make a turn at the very end to take a quick drive through nature to pop out right behind a huge mound of metal junk outside everyone's point of view. Perfect place to do a little crime in the dark. I backed up to the mound then turned off my headlights, but left the engine on. Lose a little oil, but gives me a quick get away if someone were to see me.

And like that, preparations were done, and I was free to steal whatever I pleased. What I was interested in was some metals like steel as they picked up a nice price tag in bulk. So everything was game. Metal chairs, metal pipes, metal trinkets. Anything to melt down. Hard work, but stress free. After about an hour of just loading up raw materials, I found that I only had space for a few more things in my pickup truck, and that's when I saw it. A large black 44 gallon drum without any logos on it. That was about $60 in my eye.

Thankfully, It was stuck under anything, but was resting on

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Amy

Put it on my bill

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

They’re on standbi

BamBOO!

A play on words.

Calcium, nickel, neon

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.