I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Do your worst!
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
They’re on standbi
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
When I got home, they were still there.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
I won't be doing that today!
After December 2020's relevation that there are as many as 12k loyalist paramililtary activists, I began to wonder: Where are these people? I began to skim through work on the UDA and UVF and found the results interesting enough to try piece together. The key finding of note is that UDA members are found well away from former IRA strongholds, with entire 'battalions' based in places like Ballybeen, where finding a breathing Catholic is unlikely. Most of this is based off their own murals and territorial marking/pissing on walls, most of which can be found on https://petermoloneycollection.wordpress.com/ and https://petermoloneycollection.wordpress.com/extramural-activity/. It must also be said that 'Battalion' etc when it comes to the UDA may well be five auld lads in a pub. This is by no mean's exhaustive as I put about an hours work into it but it gives a rough idea of where Loyalism's percieved power is. May also do one on the UVF if this is well-recieved.
South Belfast Brigade UDA:
The UDA's South Belfast Brigade does not use numbers for its battalions, perhaps showing an inability to count to four.
A. Batt: Sandy Row-Roden Street.
B. Batt: Lisburn.
A. Coy of this battalion is Old Warren
B.Coy is also claimed as Old Warren
C.Coy: Hillhall
C. Batt: Taughnamonagh-Seymour Hill
D. Batt: Yet to find a definitive answer as to where this is located, possibly Donegall Pass-Ormeau Road.
West Belfast Brigade UDA:
2nd Batt: (Both West and North Belfast retain their battalion numbers from when Belfast was a single Brigade)
A. Coy: Springhill-Glencairn-Highfield
B. Coy: Woodvale area.
C. Coy: Lower Shankill.
D.Coy: Bangor-Newtownards - a pet project of Adair in the 90's.
North Belfast Brigade UDA:
3rd Batt:
A. Coy: Ballysillan
B.Coy: Ardoyne(Glenbyrne)
C.Coy: Tynedale
D:Coy: Westland
E.Coy: Tiger's Bay
F:Coy: York Road
G.Coy: Shore Road
H.Coy: Silverstream
East Belfast Brigade UDA:
1st Batt: Lower Newtownards Road-Templemore Avenue aka 'Young Newton'
2nd Batt: Dee Street Area
3rd Batt: Ballybeen
4th Batt: Castlereagh
5th Batt: Tullycarnet
6th Batt: North Down (including Newtownards and Bangor, with predictable results)
D.Coy: Ballynahinch
North Antrim-Derry-East Tyrone Brigade UDA
***1st
... keep reading on reddit ➡
[Removed]
You take away their little brooms
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
There hasn't been a post all year!
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
-
Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
-
French/Finnish art
-
Country/Canadian rap
-
Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
-
Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
Nothing, it just waved
Him: I can explain everything!
(It's his best joke yet I think)
Bob
So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."
Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.
Just to clarify, 12345678
Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...
Notices there's only 2;
Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."
I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.
I was just sitting there doing nothing.
But nobody ever mentions his sister, Onya, who invented the starter pistol.
“BOOM”?!
