Graybar Building Puns

If so, welcome to the family - I'm the guy with the Explore.

One day years ago I was working on my race car and Crazy Neighbor (CN) came over. I was kind of busy needing to get some work done if I was every going to get the car on the track and did not have time to deal with him, but I am a nice guy and try to get along with my neighbors since there might be a day I am setting valves or something of the like with open headers and rattling their windows. Better to play nice so that they aren't so quick to call the police. I was at a friends house one night when they wrapped up on their race car and thought it was time to set the timing and fire it up at midnight with the doors open for ventilation right in the middle of a subdivision. That kind of thing.

So CN starts in on how his Ranger is running rough and he wants to do a tune up. The issue is that while his mouth works real good, his skills far lack what he can actually do. When we first moved in the builders told us they had to go tell him to tear down the ugliest doghouse in the world that he had built for his hunting beagles. It was a monstrosity of unpainted wood and built very oddly. The builders also confided that they were missing almost the exact quantities and types of boards that were used in the construction of said dog house. The only thing that ever shocked me the entire time I lived in that neighborhood was that when the police came and had to arrest one of my neighbors it wasn't him. * I'll tell that story below.

So being a absolute sucker I tell CN to bring his car over to my driveway and I will walk him through changing his spark plugs and wires, my tools, my knowledge, his hands. That way I could keep working on the Monte Carlo race car I was building. It sounded good in theory anyway.

So I show him how to gap spark plugs and instruct him on how to change them and set him up with a ratchet and socket. No problem so far. Then he wants to do his spark plugs. Easy enough, I instruct him "CN, this is how you do it, just change one at a time and you will have no problem" I walk away thinking that he will soon be out of my hair. I was a lot less cynical back in those days.

So he announces he is done, gives me back all my tools and goes to start the Ranger. I am treated to the sound of a V-6 cranking and not starting. I hear the occasional pop that indicates the timing is off. I think to myself, "Here we go" It is apparent CN messed up somehow on my instructions to only do one at a time. I check all the connections then guess

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

[Removed]

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

You take away their little brooms

There hasn't been a post all year!

It was about a weak back.

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Him: I can explain everything!

(It's his best joke yet I think)